No Social Life After Divorce?...

topsoiledApril 3, 2010

Wow,

Since my divorce nearly 3 years ago, I have become a female 'Boo Radely.' --A 40 year old Homebody with no motivation to get out there and make friends or enter a romantic relationship. But I am getting really Board with my own company!

Has anyone else been there?

Since I have no children (no mommy circle of friends) and I work from home (artist) -- I don't 'have' to be out there...

I welcome any suggestions.

Thanks.

ps. I LOVE TO GARDEN! Native Wildflowers and grasses are one of my passions.

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maime

I am in the same situation and am surviving, since last week, barely surviving. I have no one around who loves me, I don't think I have said those words before. I have a sister in town but had a falling out with her wanting to be paid for taking care of our Mom. I had 4 years of caring for my husband with AZ and was having serious health problems so I put him in a care home. When my sis found out he was in a care home she started shifting Mom's care to me. Two doctors told me I would die if I didn't stop the stress. I had 4 years 24/7 caring for him and she had 2 days a week to visit Mom and see if she needed anything. Now she wants to be paid for caring for Mom and she wants my other two sisters to sign a power of attorney, giving her the right to sign off on the sale of Mom's house. That is outrageous, she could keep their check and empty their accounts if she wanted to. I know they won't do that. I am the lowest point in my life, but I will survive this intact. It just takes some adjustment time.

I read, watch movies, lunch out and garden a little. I have arthritis so gardening has to be limited to stand up work and bending work a little every day. Kind of takes the fun out of it. And of course there's the rabbits. I feel like Freddy Fudd or whoever chased Bugs Bunny. LOL

    Bookmark   April 3, 2010 at 9:09PM
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asolo

Two comments....

1) Women don't even start to get desirable until after 40, and

2) It was ELMER Fudd.

Suggest arranging your lives so that at least once a week you're OUT THERE. Where, exactly, "out there" may be for you is your business. Someplace where you'll meet and interact with people...allow them to know you....male or female....everybody knows somebody. Even if you don't hook up, you'll make friends. Won't be able to avoid it.

If you are, in fact, avoiding it please disregard.

    Bookmark   April 5, 2010 at 8:32PM
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scubadiver

Hello there !

For the 2 ladies above I am with asolo.
I've been divorced for ten years now and find simple things or places to be social. Give bbcue on the summer (I love to cook), go skiing with a club in the winter, go to speed dating for dinner and hope to meet someone and keep busy with things I like ... I hope to find someone to share my happy life but if you are not happy... fix that first and then... enjoy your life.
By the way ... I've been following the advice that asolo gives in this forum and I like his line of thinking a lot. Wish I could chat with you Mr. asolo.
Good luck for the 2 ladies...
Cynara.

    Bookmark   April 5, 2010 at 10:07PM
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asolo

"Wish I could chat with you Mr. asolo."

I'm fat, ugly, old, and cranky. You wouldn't like me. (Except for that, I'm a swell fellow.)

As for the OP and follow-up lady, I have little doubt exposure is the only problem. Even if they don't meet "someone special" directly, they will meet people who they think should meet them. The network is always big but we never get to know. Just assume it. It's always true. Don't have to be "looking" or known to be looking but do need to be out there and involved from time-to-time. It's better/healthier even nothing comes of it -- but something will. Put it in the bank. There's stuff going on where you live. Get involved, even if its only a little bit.

    Bookmark   April 6, 2010 at 5:47PM
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scubadiver

Thanks for let me know all that Mr. asolo.
As usual I like your direct without ''butter'' aproach.
Most of the time I have a hard time being diplomatic about things and come across being very rude to some people who have not faced or accepted their stuff...
As for the ladies still, BE HAPPY and things you want will come to you. Just be carefull for what you wish for...
Cynara.

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 10:49PM
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asolo

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."

George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)

    Bookmark   April 7, 2010 at 11:00PM
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scubadiver

Hello again asolo,
very funny you quoted that because my mother calls me and my dad cynics when we point out something she does or say that is not the whole truth...
She gets pretty angry too but I learned soon enough that was ''her stuff'' not mine. It is sad to say but... that's why I am happly divorce and she is depressed. My dad and I try to help her but all we can do is be patient and love her for the ''cup half full''
Sincerly,
Cynara.

    Bookmark   April 8, 2010 at 10:01PM
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daisymaewi5

Try meetup.com to find a group of people with similar likes in your area. If you don't get out of your house and socialize, you can't expect to make connections with either sex. Go alone and go often. I do. The alternative is to sit home becoming even more alone.

    Bookmark   November 2, 2010 at 8:28PM
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