Too much of a good thing

DaisyduckworthApril 11, 2004

Have any of you ever broken off a relationship because the other party was TOO good to you in some way?

I had a long-term partnership with a man who bought me chocolates every single day. I'm very partial to chocolate, and at first I thought I was in 7th heaven. But when I began to notice that my image didn't fit into the mirror all at once, I asked him to stop. He didn't. So instead of eating it all, I began storing it in the fridge. He got deeply offended, but kept buying more. So I asked him instead of chocolates, if he could buy me some other little gift - like flowers, or a magazine or something. He didn't. And I went to great lengths to tell him I appreciated his kind gesture, and explain that a person can only eat so much chocolate without spreading like an ink-blot. It all fell on deaf ears.

Eventually, I left him. I realised that he just wasn't listening to me, on this subject or on any other. He made major decisions without consulting me, didn't want to discuss any small or large issues. If he didn't have a problem, that problem didn't exist. In short, he thought only of himself, and his chocolate buying wasn't to please me at all, but to make HIM feel good! He didn't care one jot that I was unhappy with my weight-gain. It was just a cover-up for all the other problems he couldn't address.

I have to say I miss him. And I miss the chocolate. But I don't miss the fact that although I was getting larger and larger, he still made me feel invisible!

And to prove that he was solid ivory from the neck up when it came to relationships, on the day I moved out, he gave me an enormous box of chocolates as a parting gift. Believe it or not, we are still friends, but he doesn't buy me chocolates any more. They go to his new lady, who is now twice the size she was when he first met her - and unhappy about it!! Some people never learn.

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LOL Daisy! That seems to be the plight of most men - they just don't hear when we speak. You are so right: if it isn't a problem they have, there IS no problem. I have only met ONE guy, in my adult life, who actually felt I had anything intelligent to say, and that my actions actually had any merit. I will always love him for that!

99% of men think we women only have one purpose in life, and that is to please them - how naive can they be? We are no different than they - we are here to please ourselves, and somehow, sometimes they can help with that.

When will men 'wake up and smell the roses' - we want love and affection and respect and a hearing ear - they just don't get that we are really simple beings - not mysterious at all - if they would only listen to us. Guys, just think how much easier it would be on your wallets if you would just grow up and realize - women are NOT complex beings with hormonal rages - we are quite simple, just like you!

I'm off my soap box now - have a GREAT Easter, everyone!

    Bookmark   April 11, 2004 at 9:10AM
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well gee whiz Daisy. I didn't know you were dating my ex.

just teasing. I have run through a lifetime of excellent men. I would have run a little slower if I had known the supply was limited.

Off topic but I have been thinking about you Daisy. I think I have discovered why the online dating thing did not work for me and I wonder what you think. I am used to being persued, and I expect the same is true of you. This has more to do wth my generation than my powers of attraction. ~grin~ In the past, a certain number of men have shown interest in me and I have picked one that appealed to me from that group. Throwing myself into a group who have shown no previous interest is not something I know much about. Now, I am Woman, and have no trouble asking a man to dinner, making my interest known, etc. etc., but I am still making these overtures within a group that I have at least SEEN and sensed that my interest would be, if not returned, at least not scorned or spurned.

Does this make sense? I was desperate to get a picture online because I wanted someone to pick me. And then I could choose from among the pickers. I don't know how to play this game unless it starts with me being courted.

    Bookmark   April 12, 2004 at 12:37PM
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What can I say, Jess? I'm at present neither pursuing nor being pursued! But if you aren't comfortable being the hunter, continue being the prey. Just be your natural self, and theoretically at least, someone will soon begin chasing you. At least you seem to have a social life and get to meet people, unlike me! What's the old saying? As soon as you stop looking for love, it will come looking for you? (I'm still waiting!)

    Bookmark   April 12, 2004 at 6:07PM
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no current social life here and no prospects since I rarely leave the house except to work. "Meeting" someone by way of the computer was my last resort. I was just musing about why it did not work for me. The fact that I am old and irritable never crossed my mind.

Where is CarrieB, anyway? Didn't she swear she would not abandon us?

I could use some of that chocolate tonight ;-)

    Bookmark   April 12, 2004 at 6:38PM
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Yes! One of the main reasons why I got divorced was because I got tired of talking to a wall!!! I honestly never felt like my husband was listening or hearing me, anyway. So then i just stopped talking. I mean why bother?
I am really looking forward to hanging out with people and having conversations, on a regular basis.
Have any of you read the Venus/Mars book? I've just read the flashcard version (in a doctor's office). It basically tries to explain how men and women communicate and deal with things completely differently. How do we understand each other?
I know for sure that same sex couples have the communication problem too, along with the gamut (sp?) of problems hetero couples have....
I've never been a huge fan of chocolate -I'd rather have cheetos...Julia

    Bookmark   April 12, 2004 at 8:44PM
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Carrie B

Hi all,

It's been a while since I posted here (thanks for mentioning me, jc). I've been busy, spending less time on the computer, and just checking in here occassionally. I have not abandoned you. It is nice to see there are new folks posting on this forum.

Speaking of chocolate... I went to my mom's (with the new SO) for Passover Seder (the Jewish holiday meal) last week and one of the guests brought a box of gourmet local chocolate. Mom insisted on me taking it home with me, and I tried to get my guy to take it to his house. He refused. We both pigged out on it (me more than him, since it was at my place) till I finally brought the remainder of the box to work this morning.

You know, Daisy, your story reminds me of more than one ex that insisted on buying me cut flowers, despite repeated hints that my household didn't fare well with them. My one cat, Del, LOVES to gnaw on cut flowers. They look terrible after a day, she often knocks over the vase and makes a mess, and then she vomits.

JC, I'm wondering for how long you tried online dating that "it didn't work" for you. By what criterion are you judging it? What were your goals/expectations?



    Bookmark   April 14, 2004 at 11:00AM
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I met my wonderful jewel of a husband on line.....we were in a chat room of about 18. we met at any time of the day and always had someone to talk to, male or female..after about a year or so, the group decided to met in Kentucky. we did and it was a great way to meet those you talk to on the net. we stayed together as a group for the 3 days we were there. some from the west coast and others from the east coast and all in between.
Larry and I "dated" for 7 years before we got married...
there is a great place to meet a partner or companion at
i met a gal today, and she met her husband might like it......they are pretty picky who they find for you with your opinions and spectulations. who knows, it just might work for you

    Bookmark   June 26, 2004 at 2:03PM
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