Hello everyone, I'm Maryanne, new kid in town here. Have lurked on and off for a while...okay, 5 years can be considered a while, right? That's how long I've been separated, was just served my summons to appear in divorce court today. I think I'm suppose to mark my calendar to celebrate this in the future, but if anyone was married to the type of man I was married to, you understand that the real fight has just begun. So, I stopped in looking for something to make me laugh (y'all do that to me sometimes) and figured what the heck, now is the time to hitch up garter, be brave, and introduce myself.
Now, on to a more serious matter that has been an itch I can't seem to scratch.... I met a man almost 2 years ago that sparked my interest. He was intelligent, well traveled, could carry on a real conversation, and was a bit different than anyone else that crossed my path in that he didn't pour out his life story or his emotions on me from the start. He marches to his own beat, and I don't think he even has a drummer. I was fascinated by him and, over time, began referring to him as "my bug in a jar". Remember when you were a kid and you'd catch a bug in an old jar and watch them for hours? I know I'm not the only bug catcher still alive, so humour me, please. Anyway, I thought that once I figured out how this bug operated, the fascination would wear off and I'd release him back into his native habitat. But, it didn't wear off and, on occassion, there'd be a little sizzle between us, sort of like touching a 9 volt battery to your tongue or crawling under an electric fence and having it zap you in the butt. You felt it, but afterwards, wondered if you really did feel it as strongly as you thought, or if your mind had it's own illusions of grandeur. I'm attracted to him, and I know he's attracted to me, but it's never been a case of "I've got to have you NOW". Actually, we both make a conscious effort to NOT touch, but there's occassionally that thunder storm type electricity between us that can't be denied. Anyway, the first year passed and my bug kept me fascinated. We would talk every day, he'd stop in at work to see me a few times each week, and we'd have dinner on occassion. We became close friends, he describes our relationship as being a text book study on symbiotic relationships. That pretty well sums it up. I guess I should mention that he's in the military and I work for the government and, if there's anything in this world that can stress a relationship, it's the military. As luck would have it, he was sent to another base (778 miles away to be exact), and I thought "well, that was fun, guess the party's over". But, it wasn't. We continued to talk to each other every day, he came back to visit and conduct business after being gone a month, and when he deployed to South America, we still emailed each other every day, he'd call occassionally, and I'd send the traditional care packages. When he returned, he once again came back here for a week on the premise of conducting business, but we both knew it was because we missed each other and our long talks.
Okay, let's face it, he's my best friend. When I received my summons this morning, he was the one I reached out to for support and comfort. And he was right there to give it. There's still a sizzle between us, but other than giving each other a hug when we see each other, there has been no other intimacy.
At first, I use to think that this was all a figment of my over active imagination. That perhaps, after a 5 year separation, I was craving companionship and the touch of another person and he wasn't interested in anything other than bonding as friends. So, I asked him. That's what friends do, right? His answer was that he wanted to do the right thing this time, he didn't want another short romance that ended in hurt feelings. He wanted to make sure that this would be something of substance that could be sustained through the years. Okay, I understand that (very military talk) and respect it. I don't ever want to get married again, but that doesn't mean I don't want companionship. I am very human.
So, now that almost 2 years have passed and I know he's the best friend I could have ever hoped for, I have to wonder if it would be weird to have an intimate relationship? Where I once could fantasize about the fireworks that would happen with that first kiss, now I wonder if all we'd do is choke on the smoke? Can too much time pass between two people? Is there a magic mark on the timeline of relationships that says that once you pass this point, the fireworks expire? And, if the sizzle can remain between two best friends, what risk do they face? I keep hearing that voice inside my head telling me "why risk screwing up a perfectly good friendship?" and it sounds so cliche. But you know how it is once the seed of doubt is planted. If you don't pluck it while young, not even Roundup will kill it later.
So, what do you think? Any personal experiences you'd like to share? I'd appreciate an education!
Sorry for the length of the post, there's a writer stuck somewhere inside me who screams to get out once in a while!