Your opinion please

JonesyMarch 18, 2008

If you are walking down a hallway, sidewalk, etc. and make eye contact with a member of the opposite sex and smile, nod or say hi, Is that flirting?

In my opinion it is just being friendly. Personally I think under those circumstances it would be rude to look away like he was scary or something.

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kayjones

IMHO, it's just being friendly.

    Bookmark   March 18, 2008 at 7:52PM
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Jonesy

Most people agree with that. I asked my beautician today and she said flirting, but not sexually. I asked her what is it if I say hi to a woman. LOL

    Bookmark   March 18, 2008 at 8:46PM
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asolo

Friendly is just friendly -- that's behavior. That's being polite. "Flirtation" depends on what you're thinking and what they're thinking when it's done. The joy/curse of actual flirtation is maintenance of easy deniability. Subject of many, many relationship-beginnings and many, many misunderstandings. It has always been thus. Who know's what the other person may be thinking? On the other hand, friendly behavior is almost always welcome in typical social environments. Appropriate behavior is always expected. Misunderstandings are part of it from time-to-time and are, likewise, expected to be handled graciously.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 3:43PM
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gneegirl

Very well stated alolo!!
I have been accused of flirting MANY times, when I truly, and quite innocently, just smiled a "hello" at someone. I'm more uncomfortable looking away or not speaking at all. If one is on a busy, say, downtown street, the likelihood of the eye-lock is slim, but if it happens, I would say a light smile might be polite. HOWEVER, someone could mistake it as a come-on, so you should still be cautious.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 10:25PM
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asolo

Also, I think it's different for women and girls than for men and boys. Men and boys are far more prone to misinterpretation. They are also far more prone to act upon it.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 11:29PM
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Jonesy

I don't think I am in any danger from what a guy thinks. At my age they would not respond unless they were at least 85 then I would be considered a younger chick. LOL

    Bookmark   March 19, 2008 at 11:36PM
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bookworm_2007

I think that a smile and a hello is just being friendly. A guy may take it the wrong way-but guys tend to take a lot of things the wrong way! They may read into a hello as being flirting which I think is crazy. I would not ignore someone just because they are of the opposite sex. I guess if I winked or stared at them then that may be considered flirting.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2008 at 8:05AM
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dirtdivarocks

It's all in the WAY you say it. You vibrate what you mean. You give off non-verbal signals all of the time. A little twinkle in the eye, holding eye contact just a second longer than you usually do. A lot of times when people are attracted to one another, they will give a half-friendly/half-flirty hello. They do this to protect themselves from rejection and also to let the other know that they are open to talking. And the games begin!!! ha, ha. But, please don't ever stop yourself from being the friendly person that you are. You will know if someone takes your friendliness the wrong way because the response won't "feel" right to you. You can then politely set them straight. The people that read too much into a friendly hello are usually looking for or hoping for someone to flirt with them. Right now the position I am in (very married with children) I am finding that I never notice anyone flirting with anyone. I'm just not in the market nor looking for it. But, if anyone would flirt with me, I would immediately sense it. Been there, done that. Like riding a bike, you never forget it. Now some people LOVE to flirt....that's another thread!

    Bookmark   March 29, 2008 at 4:12PM
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Jonesy

Hi Dirtdiva, I know about body signals. I like people and I always smile at everyone. I'm open to dating, but I don't want a close relationship that requires me to be the giver. I've been there, done that, now it is about me. Dating would depend on how much stress/comfort was involved. when I was younger, guys gave me second looks and always asked me to dance when I went to a club. One time a guy asked me to dance as soon as I sat down and I told him I didn't know how, you should have seen the look on his face, rejection I guess. I sat there and thought about it and finally went over to him and asked him if he thought I had lied to him. He said..."yes, you walked in with a spring in your step and smiling, I thought you were ready to dance." I told him again I didn't know how to dance, I was just there with friends to watch.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2008 at 4:38PM
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kayjones

I LOVE to flirt - it's just plain fun! Jonesy, at our age, it's as close to intimacy as we will probably get, so I say 'JUST DO IT'!!!

    Bookmark   March 29, 2008 at 5:58PM
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Jonesy

If I wanted a guy, I would go back to my old neighborhood on some nice summer day and see if the gentleman across the street from my old house is outside. He told me not to move away without telling him where I was moving to. My husband was alive then and I wasn't going to give the gentleman a reason to think I was interested in him. He hugged me every time he saw me and that is something my husband gave me maybe once a year. It's funny, my former female neighbor stays away from him just because he hugs. People are so different.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2008 at 7:40PM
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kayjones

I have an idea - why don't all we 'old' ladies ascend on this 'hugger' - we would all have a wonderful time!

    Bookmark   March 29, 2008 at 10:28PM
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Jonesy

I think he is already being ascended on. The house where I saw him all the time belongs to a relative and she told me that the ladies in his neighborhood lay in wait for him. When they see him walking by, they ask him in for coffee and cookies. They probably all like his hugs. What can I say, he's Latin.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2008 at 11:03PM
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asolo

Where's this neighborhood? I need to go there.

    Bookmark   March 30, 2008 at 8:22PM
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Jonesy

Don't we all? LOL

    Bookmark   March 30, 2008 at 9:14PM
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Tinmantu

I live in a small town....smile and say "hello" to people that I don't know their name...hold the door for ladies or men if they are right behind me as I enter. It's the way I was taught, and I would think if more were taught that way, there wouldn't be people being self-conscious about someone being nice to them...welcome to the year 2008

    Bookmark   March 31, 2008 at 7:37PM
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gneegirl

Hey there guy...that long weekend must be over!!

Like what you said - we all need to go back to manners and respect. Everything is so fast paced and we are so self-absorbed that we forget. Practice makes perfect. Glad to hear that a "gentleman" is amongst us still. It also feels good to know that I can smile or speak to a gentleman and we know what I really mean!!

Funny story about all this though - I was a a store this weekend and a guy folllowed me down the aile, hailing "Miss, Miss, Miss". I finally turned around and he used every one-liner in the book!! I'm not sure what he really wanted but I wasn't having any of it. Maybe his intentions, whatever they were, would have been better received if he hadn't chased me. Maybe if he had been MUCH less obvious and cheap sounding, I may have been more receptive. Nice guy, but definitely that nice. It was fun knowing "I still got it"!!!

    Bookmark   March 31, 2008 at 8:59PM
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Jonesy

I went to McD's Sunday morning for breakfast and there were 5 people at the table next to me laughing and having a ball. There was no way I could "not" hear them. They started talking about the elderly who pinch pennies and won't spend a dime even when they have more than enough money to live out their lives. Then they started in on touching people and how good it feels to be hugged or shake hands and hold the hand a little longer or put an arm around the shoulder. Then they talked of another subject and I can't remember it, but it was something I feel strongly about. One woman saw me grinning then down right laughing at their comments and she pulled out the chair next to her and said come on over. After the second invitation I did just that. I had such a good time with them. There were 3 ladies and 2 men, so I asked them about making eye contact and saying hi or smiling. They all, even the men said it's just being friendly. My friends told me that the men will take the smile wrong, but these two men said they wouldn't.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2008 at 10:26PM
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gneegirl

hmmm..., interesting. aaah the wonder of individualism. I bet you though, if polled, most men would say they wouldn't take it wrong either.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2008 at 10:46PM
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Jonesy

I agree, but this friend that accused me of flirting really believes it's wrong. I started another thread about another of her statements. It is shocking. I hope it's not pulled or that if there is a man who reads it, he doesn't take it wrong.

    Bookmark   March 31, 2008 at 10:58PM
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newgardenelf

my feeling is.....you KNOW when you are flirting.....it is not merely the act- it is the intention.. I know women who call everyone honey and are touchy,touchy- they are just friendly..

    Bookmark   April 8, 2008 at 3:54PM
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Jonesy

I agree with you elf.

    Bookmark   April 8, 2008 at 4:48PM
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sayhellonow

I think we know too. But hey -- what's wrong with flirting? That is, unless one of you is married or partnered with someone else.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2008 at 6:05PM
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