Hurt & confused

pixie2009March 5, 2009

I've been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. Our relationship has been rocky from the beginning cause of his ex wife. We have both hurt each other & neither of us are more guilty than the other I know that.

His ex wife heard we were moving in together & so she went to him & basically backed him into a corner. She said she would move with the kids if he didn't let her move in. She was hoping it would make me so mad I'd quit talking to him. I would have if he wouldn't have made it clear to her that it was just for the kids and that he was in love with me.

She ended up moving out last month cause we were still seeing each other & her tactics didn't work. Last night we went on a date & he stayed with me. That night I got a text from a guy saying "sleeping" I assumed it was to the wrong person but I don't know. My boyfriend started making all kinds of accusations saying I texted him back but I didn't. Then that I had a hickey on neck (he saw it while we were at lunch today) but it wasn't a hickey it was make up, it washed right off after lunch. Plus I had been with him the last 2 nights so when would I have gotten it from someone else if it was a hickey?

Now he is saying he doesn't know if we can see each other anymore cause he can't believe what I say cause I told him I didn't text that guy back & he 'knows' I'm lying. I've never lied to him or kept things from him even though he thinks I did. I know he has completley ruined things with his ex wife so I know its not that she wants to work things out. By choosing to continue seeing me while she lived there showed her he didn't want her anymore (she & I have talked a lot!).

I just don't know what to do anymore!?!...I stood by him even after he moved her in & he gets upset over a text message that may or may not have been meant for me?

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Very strange. Sounds to me as if he was looking for an excuse to break it off, for whatever reason. Maybe it has something to do with the ex-wife..who knows.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2009 at 6:05PM
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Marie is right Pixie. He's picking a fight so he can blame you.

I'd walk away if I were you. Good riddance.

    Bookmark   March 6, 2009 at 1:02PM
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Not worth all the drama...

Not saying either of you is / has a problem for the other; just not sure I'd want to be in a relationship with so much turmoil, if I didn't have to. Life is way too short and there is so much going on right now. You should be comfortable and happy; not worried about the wife, any games, accusations, etc. Any worries should be between the two of you and your lives together. Agan, sounds like just entirely too much drama. Cut your losses and move on. JMHO...

    Bookmark   March 7, 2009 at 7:53AM
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Ohhhhhhh I sooooooo agree about the drama....gneegirl I am wondering how much I always can relate to what you say, you are well-versed it seems in life. But Pixie, I am not sure how old you are but I know the older I have gotten, the more I HATE the drama of it. Turmoil is not my thing, I like calm, sounds like he is wanting out and finding a way that will ease his guilt by blaming you, a common thing people do. Heck I have done it myself in younger years, it is easier than accepting that I had made a bad choice or that I was acting outside what I believed to be the right thing to do. Good luck! Run far is what I say, I know much easier said then done.....

    Bookmark   March 7, 2009 at 10:26PM
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I would leave him behind and move on. I speak from 6 years experience with a man with a vindictive wife who used the children as weapons. At first I blamed her but then I realized she couldn't do anything unless he let her. And he let her because it was the path of least resistance. If he had cared about me and us he would have kept her drama from me and not let it affect our relationship but instead he asked me to just "ignore" her. Well I can't ignore someone who is disrespecting me in my own home. He even insisted that she have her own key to our home so she could come and go!

I won't go into all the sordid details but trust me, I could write a book on the stuff she did while he just stood by like he was deaf, dumb, and blind. After we finally went our separate ways it was like a heavy weight lifted off my shoulders, a weight I didn't even realize was there until it was gone; I wondered why I put up with it as long as I did.

If you'd like to talk some more I'm here and if you'd like to talk privately just email me. I do know how you feel.

    Bookmark   March 21, 2009 at 5:38PM
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