The Being a Confirmed Single

TinmantuMarch 28, 2004

After I divorced I spent the first year or so, thinking that I "needed" to get into another relationship to feel better about myself, only to feel futility....after a couple of relationships in the early years that didn't work out, I have become more selfish with "my time"... and guess what? I feel better about myself...I can take a road trip when I want, stay up as late as I want and not answer to anyone...That's not to say that the right person won't come along someday and that I couldn't conform, but as of now I am very satisfied with the life that I have.

Anyone else out there have similar feelings or am I just a an anomaly? My name is Mike and I am a Confirmed Single

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walksalone

ROTFLOL! It makes me laugh!

After ten years alone, I love it. I shop when I want, and I dont have to take another along for their opinion. Yep, I can pick out my own clothes and lingerie!

I decide the colour of the house. Yes, I want navy blue comforter, purple bathroom, and red kitchen.

I decide my financial future.

No one asks "what's for dinner?"

I am a Confirmed Single!!!

    Bookmark   March 28, 2004 at 5:33PM
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Tinmantu

Good for you Walks....being a confirmist is a lot better than being a comformist in my book...amazing how the changing of a letter can have so much meaning.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2004 at 6:36PM
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chargreen

I have been thinking more and more about being a confirmed single since I purchased "MY" own house last year and getting my fill of online dating. Lately I have decided that I can wait for Mr. Right if he exists. I would rather be single than be in a bad relationship. I think I have a bad case of the "confirmed singles" when I visit with married people they seem strange to me. The way they interact with each other seems odd. Maybe I'm just becoming a hermit? Thanks for starting this thread.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2004 at 10:11PM
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Daisyduckworth

I have at last begun to accept that I will remain single for the rest of my life, but that acceptance comes very reluctantly and unwillingly. Having the freedom to do what you like, whenever you like, however you like is no substitute for the warmth of an ongoing, loving relationship such as I've experienced. I like to share my life - self-indulgence and growing selfishness don't sit well with me, but, sadly, they are taking over!

    Bookmark   March 29, 2004 at 5:20PM
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Tinmantu

Char...welcome to the "club"..heh....Don't go into full hermit mode, still get out and enjoy life. I do agree about seeing married friends and some are just going thru the motions, it seems.

Good points Daisy, but being self indulgent and being selfish about ones time doesn't necessarily mean that one has to become celibate. I think there is a line there that one can find romantic encounters where they can enjoy life and still feel fulfilled living alone.

    Bookmark   March 29, 2004 at 7:34PM
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walksalone

Ohhh, I dont know how to express this. I am sad, that in my life I have not felt the same as Daisyduckworth.

I am not less, and I still love. For this time, I will not squander, it was given to me. It seems self indulgent. In the end, I know who I am, not dependent on others in finances, emotion, or approval.

I do envy those that have found the soulmate.

I have found the greatest gift is friends. I still get a hug, people to share with, and am always satisified.

At this time, I celebrate my time here and alone to become what I have decided is best and if I choose to share, it is not because I am needy, resigned, or alone.

I do enjoy the freedom, and I may in my choosing to let someonelse choose the colour of paint! LOL!

    Bookmark   March 29, 2004 at 8:19PM
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lpinkmountain

DD this is for you, and it's a ridiculous pep talk but please take it in the spirit of love that it was meant.

OK DaisyD, I gotta chime in here. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself having never married or been in very many relationships, but lately when I get in one of those moods I think about how awful it would be to have been in a relationship for all these years and have it end tragically, through divorce or being widowed. About the only thing positive I can see about this singleness of mine is that I'm fairly good at it. Ya get kinda hard, but that doesn't mean you loose your soft center. I don't know how old you are, if you're retired or working or what, but from experience I can tell you that if you're going to be happy as a single person, you really have to develop a thick skin and get out there and live your life. We have to play the cards we've been dealt. From these forums I know you are such a beautiful person with so much love to offer. The world is full of people who need your gifts, they are just too damaged to let on, like most of us. Girl, you've got to buck up and get out and find people to share your life with, whether it's community service, a singles group, a book club, a fundraiser, etc. Whatever it is, you have to reach out. I know you're not a hermit, but you have to increase your efforts! I invited some friend over for that virtual french dinner, (which was a real PITA BTW) and it was not a whole lot of "fun" doing it, but everyone enjoyed themselves and have been remarking about it, and I had fun in the end, etc. And before the dinner I just dreaded the thought of having people over that I didn't know that well. But hey, No pain, no gain! Believe me I know from singlehood, I've got over 25 years experience forcing myself to "get out more." For every 10 awful experiences I can tell you a truly wonderful one. Realistically, that's about the best you can expect with anything in life. So get out there and spread a little love. I mean it!

    Bookmark   April 1, 2004 at 9:04PM
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