Maybe there should be Rent A Spouse

teri2March 26, 2003

This is the part about living single that I hate. Tomorrow I'm having a medical procedure done that requires I have someone else drive me home. I've had to ask a friend to crawl out of her bed to pick me up at 7:30 in the morning.

Now I'd be the first to admit that part of the reason I live alone is because of a probably overly inflated sense of independence. But I'll bet I'm not alone in this. Don't you just hate to impose on your friends for things like this?

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Twice last year I came perilously close to being a Late Person, and was rushed to hospital by ambulance. Fortunately, both times I was carried out from my doctor's surgery, not from my home. The first time, suffering from an allergic reaction to a particular antibiotic I'd been given (under supervision, because of previous close calls) for a minor infection, I was discharged the same day at 11pm, and had to ring a friend to come and collect me - from more than an hour's drive from her home. The second time was even more serious, and for entirely different reasons, and my hospital stay was protracted, so my friend had to collect for me necessary items from home, and travel back and forth to the hospital to visit me, throughout my stay, having washed my undies etc. I was several days in intensive care, I'm told she was with me most of the time, to the neglect of her family, but she's never mentioned it except to say she did 'call in' and my son confirms that she was there whenever he was - which was always late at night because he lives and works a long way distant. They sent me home eventually, but I was back in again that same night - friend drove me - she picked me up next day, I was home one night, then back in again - friend drove me.... this went on for 2 weeks. Friend never once complained, no matter what time of day or night she was called upon. A partner might have done it willingly, but I bet he would have grumbled!!

For several months afterwards, my friend called in every day, did my washing, vacuumed floors, helped me shower, cooked meals, ran errands, drove me to doctor and hospital for checkups. I don't know what I'd have done without her. But at times like this, a partner definitely would be very handy. There is much guilt attached to calling on a friend in the middle of the night.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2003 at 11:28PM
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I wouldn't feel guilty about asking a friend for help. I know that I would be honoured by the thought that a friend felt she could call on me in an emergency and know I would come, whatever the hour or the length of the trip.

    Bookmark   March 27, 2003 at 12:11PM
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I don't feel this way (re: renting a spouse). If I need help (and I have needed help here lately), I ask family or friends, even co-workers. I don't need a "better half" for that. And I'm an Epileptic who recently had a car wreck.

Even when I go for my head-tests in the next month, I won't ask the guy I'm sort-of seeing for his assistance. I don't want to give this man the impression that I'm weak or that I need him. Want to hang around him? Yes. Need him to live? No way.

I learned my lesson about that while being married. Driving to the hospital to give birth to his baby, he complained because he "could be sleeping" instead. A friend would have gladly accompanied me to something as wonderful as that.

- darkeyedgirl

    Bookmark   March 27, 2003 at 1:23PM
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A true friend wouldn't hesitate to help. I know I for one hate to ask for help but any time I need it I know it's there. All I need to do is ask. Same goes for them if they need help from me.

I'm not active in a church but I know people who are and they are the kindest people in the world, helping others through tough times.

    Bookmark   March 28, 2003 at 2:37PM
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I hate to ask too, but I have always offered for my single friends when they needed help, and almost always the offer was gratefully accepted. I currently need to scrape some mold off of my garage roof, but don't want to be up that high without someone around, I asked a friend if she would sit in a lounge chair with some wine or beverage, a stack of new magazines, and the portable phone just in case I fall off-all this provided by moi, of course, She said ok, so I'm just waiting for a good day for her. But it stinks to not just get this job done-and yes, the roof will hopefully be replaced within a year...

    Bookmark   March 28, 2003 at 6:10PM
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This is a problem. Mostly I miss having a helpmate when there is heavy work to do and things I can't lift by myself. I have a couple of able teens in the neighborhood who are happy to help for not a lot of money. I also still have a good relationship with my ex who will pitch in and help me in times of need. We still trade cars back and forth when one is in the shop, etc. I also have friends who are willing to help as well. Ex would gladly take me to the hospital in the middle of the night. We are still raising children together and need each other in that way.


    Bookmark   March 29, 2003 at 11:56AM
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I'm lucky to have my brother living with me. I can borrow his car (I recently got rid of mine - it was too decrepit to pass inspection) when I need to, get his help with heavy lifting, he will take me to the hospital if I ever need to and do the shopping for me when I'm sick. I also have an aunt and a good friend living nearby, both of whom will jump in to help at a moment's notice. I think that a close family and good friends are an absolute necessity for singles.

    Bookmark   April 8, 2003 at 9:37AM
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When my DH & I were together, he did drive me to Dr's appointments when I wasn't able, but he was never a very compassionate caretaker. On the other hand, when he was sick, guess who took care of everything for him? You got it -- me.

I am a two-time Cancer Survivor (Melanoma). Right now, I'm living with my parents again and am having to go to alot of Dr's appointments (to have more potentially-cancerous moles removed). At age 36, I hate having to rely on them so much. However, they're more than happy to do whatever is necessary to make sure I am healthy and taken care of.

    Bookmark   April 20, 2003 at 10:12AM
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It does seem to me that one of the major functions of a spouse is car logistics. Pick me up from/take me to where I need to be. Whenever we get heavy inclement weather on a work day, the spousal phone dance begins. "Honey, can you come get me?" Have you guys heard the Onstar radio commercial where the woman sounds so distraught over a car accident but wants Onstar to call her HUSBAND - not an ambulance or the police. The husband gets on the line and sounds amused as he says "I'm on my way". I think some women are just drama addicts who want daddy/husband to make things all better.

    Bookmark   April 21, 2003 at 10:57PM
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