First date in nearly 30 years!

jeaninwaMarch 15, 2006

Sunday, I went on my first date. It was in the afternoon, started with coffee, went to a Spring Fair at a garden center, then a movie. I opted out of dinner.

He was very nice,but so not my type. We met online, and talked on the phone a few times. What can I say? I gave it a shot. It was a positive experience. I learned alot about myself, and him too actually. I had fun, and that's what's important, right?

Any good advice out there? Anyone else want to share a first date experience?


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Carrie B

Hi Jean,

How will you tell the man that he's not your type? How do you expect that to play out?

I hadn't dated in many years. I had been in relationships, many relatively short lived relationships. Somehow I managed to do that without ever going on a date.

After the end of my last relationship, I tried Online dating. The very first Online date was great (sadly, the second date with the same fellow was not nearly as good, and I never heard from him after that). We met for dinner, and after that saw a movie together. I was so nervous leading up to that date!

For my first several Online dates, I got very nervous before meeting guys for the first time. After that, interestingly, I stopped being so nervous for first dates but was much more nervous for second dates.

When I met Online guys, I usually just met for a cup of coffee. Very little to lose and no committment of time beyond 20 minutes or so. I learned to think of those dates as nothing more than "chemistry checks". Is there chemistry? Could I see myself kissing this man? Often, the guys were very nice but I felt no chemistry.

Now, once I'd decided to go on a second date, the stakes were higher. I had decided, based on looking in this person's face, that there was a potential for chemistry.

    Bookmark   March 15, 2006 at 9:26PM
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Most of my dates with online matches were not terrible because of what you said, I like people, all were relatively polite, I learned a lot. But kinda sad when there is no chemistry and you just can't explain it, they're nice people but you don't have enough connecting. I often wondered how to tell whether or not to go on a second date. I only went on two second dates because the guys asked me. Carrie is right, the second date is the deal breaker. At that point you've either clicked or run out of things to say! I dated one guy I met online for nine months. I couldn't get a read on him at all on the first date, I didn't even think he liked me, he looked so blase. That was due to his personality. I never did figure him out totally, but blase was the word for him overall. The second date was fun with that guy. He ran hot and cold the whole nine months. Finally the negatives outweighed the positives, I couldn't warm up to him and trust him in the end.

I'm too distracted right now for online dating but I wish you luck, it takes a lot of courage to give this a go. Keep us posted!

    Bookmark   March 15, 2006 at 11:03PM
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Carrie, I told him he was very nice, but not what I was looking for. I had stated in my profile that I wasn't looking for my soul mate, or the love of my life. I was looking for someone to go out with, to have fun, to do things with. I was tired of doing things alone, or not doing things because I didn't want to go by myself.
He lives 2 hours away. Kinda hard to just call and say "Hey, wanna go......fill in the blank". I gave him a hug. He got in his car, I got in mine. He drove away. I called my sister.
He was GREAT in email. Made my toes tingle and everything. BUT. And that's all it takes. If he was more local, I MAY have gone on a second date, but I really really doubt it.


    Bookmark   March 16, 2006 at 12:26AM
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Carrie B

It sounds like you handled that perfectly, Jean. I learned to do that too, in my online dating career, say "it was really nice to meet you, I don't feel like we're ultimately right for each other. I wish you happiness and love".

I will caution anyone doing online dating about a few things. The first is to not let the initial before-meeting emailing go on too long. It is easy to get sucked into believing that a guy is "just perfect" without even meeting him. And then the dissappointment is so much larger & the investment so much bigger when he's perfectly nice but in no way rocks your boat.

The second caution is to beware of immediately dismissing someone because you don't feel intense initial chemistry. When I met my now fiance at a Starbuck's, I thought "nice guy, interesting, a little odd". I wasn't sure if there'd be chemistry, but thought he'd make a nice friend. I continued not being sure if there was chemistry, continued to think of him as a potential friend for almost three months of casual dating.

Once I opened myself up to loving a nice, interesting, slightly odd friend, all was golden. We've been dating for over two years and have a September wedding date scheduled.

    Bookmark   March 16, 2006 at 8:40AM
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