How to let go??
I was engaged up until recently. We had been together for almost 3 years and I thought up until about a year ago that we were soulmates. Everything seemed perfect. He has 6 yr twins from a previous marriage and in the beginning got them every other weekend. Soon though his ex-wife started keeping the kids from him demanding more money in addition to the child support she is already getting from him. He had to go to court last year and then he started getting them again every other weekend.
Things started changing between him and I. He spent lots of time doing other activities away from home, playing with his sports car, mountain bike racing and photography. I felt like I was home alone a lot and then on the weekends that he would get his kids he wanted us to all spend time together and would say his feelings were hurt if I decided to go visit a friend while his kids where at the house.
So...a couple of months went by and then I get a phone call from him telling me that his ex-wife is on the run from the law and that he now has the kids full time. I felt like someone had dropped a ton of bricks in my lap. We were already having issues in our relationship and things were real rocky between us...so I started worrying how much more things were going to change with having 6 yr twins move in. The children stressed me out as bad as that is to say. There was always a problem and someone was whinning and crying about something. I know that kids will be kids but I felt like he became such a softy because he felt bad about their situation and what their mother had done. I saw them walk all over him frequently and it drove me crazy. I felt like an outsider because they weren't my kids so I couldn't really say anything. I felt weird in my home and now instead of them being there twice a month...it was everyday.
So...after about a month I told my now ex-fiance that I couldn't do it anymore. I was getting to the point where I was so stressed that my hands would shake. He moved out with the kids and that has been about a month ago. Even though I asked him to leave I am struggling with missing him. I think though I am missing the person that I thought I knew. There has been some stumbling blocks along the way besides the issues with the twins. He lied about some financial problems, I thought he was divorced when we met and turned out he was still married and he waited almost a year to tell me. He became hooked on porn and lied to me about it when I confronted him. The main reason that it upset me is because I felt like how could he push me to the side and be gone all the time but he makes time to look at porn when I am not around. If he had just made time for me and treated me like he still loved me then I think we could have got through some of our problems. In the beginning he was so into our relationship, the sweetest and kindest man I had ever known and I thought I really found a great guy. I look at him now and feel like I lost that person and don't know what went wrong.
We still talk now everyday and I see him once in a while. I am getting to the point though where I think I need to end things totally and can't seem to let go. Part of me wants to hear his voice on the phone and part of me never wants to hear it again. I have to figure out what to do from here because I can't keep hanging on to that last little thread of what is left of us. I just don't know how to let go???????