About personal ads....

trippycMarch 10, 2003

I am curious:

Have any of you actually met (in person) someone from a personal ad? I am really intrigued by the whole process. I am thinking about getting back into circulation again, and the whole concept sounds really tempting. Looking for words of encouragement and/or horror stories!! ha ha

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Dozens! Be very, very careful, there are a lot of weirdos out there. When you contact someone, do not give any of your personal details, but get his phone number and be the one to contact him. Have several phone conversations before arranging to meet, ask the same questions several times over and remember the answers. If the guy's not genuine (unless he's very clever, and some of them are very clever) they'll differ! Then meet in broad daylight in a very public place. I never describe what I'll be wearing, but get him to tell me what he looks like, and that way I'm in control of whether or not to go through with it. I've met some really nice guys this way, had relationships with a couple of them, but mostly it never goes beyond the coffee shop! People lie about themselves, no doubt about it. They say the things they think others want to hear just to reel 'em in. The language of personal ads is a bit like the language of real estate agents. 'Average looks' means even their mothers couldn't call them beautiful, for instance. One thing I've learned is that if a guy brings up the subject of sex in the first or second phone conversation, he's after nothing else. Many guys who advertise are just as nice and genuine as you are, but it's not a game for any but the brave,I warn you. Be very alert, all the time and don't give too much away. But, if there's no other way, and if you've got your wits about you, give it a try.

    Bookmark   March 10, 2003 at 4:06AM
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I have!

I was on Match.com 2 years ago. I met someone through there, we started with emails and phone, then met in a neutral place (a park). We were together for 18 months.

Just be cautious for the weird ones. I've seen some pretty sickening personal ads. If a guy asks you your bust size in the very first email, or if you can please send a full-body shot, do NOT return the email. Unless, that is, you are interested in being a sexual object versus finding a meaningful relationship.

And always always always, meet in a public, neutral place, the first time you meet face-to-face.

- darkeyedgirl

    Bookmark   March 10, 2003 at 9:41AM
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Good advice, Daisy. Years ago, when I was in my 20s, friends talked me into using a dating service that was free to women (the men had to pay). It was all done via the phone. A person called up, answered some questions about appearance, income, education, profession, and then answered questions about those same desired qualities in a match. It was all extremely superficial. I actually met a few nice men, one real weirdo, and one guy I didn't bother meeting who was convinced he looked like Elvis. Nothing permanent came of it and I got weary of one superficial encounter after another. I always felt like I was on audition and I knew that all of these men had a list of other women they were weeding through.

I agree that people tend to exaggerate their own desirability whether it's appearance, income, or interests. Be prepared to meet lots of toads and very few princes. There were also men who didn't find me attractive! Hard to imagine, I know :-)!

I do believe that all men are primarily motivated by a desire for regular sex, whether they mention it or not!

    Bookmark   March 10, 2003 at 10:58AM
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I answered an add last year. I told him a few basic things in my letter but didn't tell him my name and asked him to reply to my P. O. box using the term Boxholder. In my letter, I asked him to tell me something about himself, at least as much as I had told him about me. He replied but didn't tell me anything about himself. He gave me a phone number to call. I called the number and a woman answered. I was afraid it was his wife so I hung up. I called back again the next day and asked for him and was told that he didn't live there anymore and had left the state. I thought that was strange and I was glad I had never given him any personal information about myself. That was my one and only experience with a personal add and my last one too.

    Bookmark   March 10, 2003 at 11:20AM
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Darkeyed girl, I was writing while you were posting. I agree, the immediate questions about physical attributes are a big red flag and a big turn-off to me. More subtlety, please.


    Bookmark   March 10, 2003 at 11:37AM
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Thanks! Judith, that is just creepy! That could have been a nightmare.
I was looking at a single parent matching site that has a "try before you buy" thing. I guess I will proceed with caution, and see what happens.

    Bookmark   March 10, 2003 at 11:43PM
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I answered an ad on match.com four years ago. He sounded way too amazing to be for real, but we met for dinner. We've been married for over three wonderful years now!

(With that said, meet in a public place, have a chaperone with you or seated at a table near you, and if you have a friend in the police department, ask them to do an informal background check.)

    Bookmark   March 22, 2003 at 8:13AM
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I met GGF at matchmaker.com. I had been on there for nearly 5 years (off and on) and I think itÂs the best Internet dating service there is. You can set up a profile with as little or as much information as you wish, and you can post up to 10 photos, or choose not to post one. Like any dating scene you will encounter people who are less than honest, but you find that in any surrounding. And I will attest to the fact that there are probably as many dishonest women on there as there are men. ItÂs a two-way street, you know.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2003 at 7:53AM
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So, Pete, are you saying that if you found this on a profile you'd wonder?

    Bookmark   March 27, 2003 at 12:41PM
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I did that Matchmaker thing when I first moved to Dallas. Met some seemingly decent guys and some toads too. I usually met them in restaurants. I met one on a driving range (golf). You'll be bombarded with emails after you first sign up. They like "fresh meat." :)

A girl where I work signed up with an online dating service (I forget which one) where it's free to post an ad but you have to pay to reply or something like that. She said she scanned the guys on it and found one she liked. She signed up and he contacted her and they're engaged now.

    Bookmark   March 27, 2003 at 6:10PM
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I found one guy I really was interested in. We lived about 200 miles apart. We corresponded for a while. I looked him up at the Chamber of Commerce where he lived. His wife had died & I also found her obituary at that site. He checked out, was interested in the same things as me, etc. Then.... he wrote & told me he had found someone in his town & they were getting married! BUMMER! Find someone close to you so at least you'll have a chance to actually meet each other and get acquainted.

    Bookmark   February 10, 2006 at 11:06AM
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I signed up for a few dating services on-line. yahoo sent me my ex's profile! Talk about scaring you off on-line dating! LOL! He was still living with his girlfriend at the time, the one he was messing around with when we were married. What a creep.

    Bookmark   February 25, 2006 at 1:44PM
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Carrie B

Hi, I used to spend some time here, but haven't been around in a while. I did Online dating from July of 03 to January of 04. I met Rob that November, but continued to date other guys as I dated Rob. I was dating casually (dinner/movies/drinks) during that time, and not intimate/committed to anyone.

In January of that year, Rob & I began dating exclusively. I pulled my profile from the Internet.

During my time doing Internet dating, I met over a dozen guys. Most were very nice, a few were a bit odd. The really odd ones I screened out during the emailing or phone call phase and never actually met. I went on one date with a good number of the guys, 2 or 3 dates with a bunch of the others.

Rob and I have a wedding date set for this September the 16th. I reccomend Internet dating to my friends. You have to be careful, and you have to put thought and consideration into it. But that applies to most that is important in life, eh?

    Bookmark   February 27, 2006 at 6:53PM
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After 16 months, 60+- men, 80 or more dates, a unsolicited collection of erect tallywhacker photos via email, a few webcam "surprises", being called a "man-hater" because I want to be treated with a bit of decorum and diginity, one stalker, untallied offers to be "friends-with-benefits," being told that there are internet relationships and "real" relationships and I should learn the difference (huh, what the heck?), being hit on for sex by men half my age telling me "older women turn them on, older women know what they want and have more experience, blah, blah..." (oh so flattering!), and countless men who were all over me like white on rice for a few days and then disappeared like water vapor, I am going to focus on the 3 dimensional people in my life for now--maybe forever! Geesh...

    Bookmark   February 27, 2006 at 8:10PM
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Carrie B

I'm sorry it was such an awful experience for you, barnmom. Had I experience the same thing, I'd never want to do it again either!

I am grateful that my experience was so very different.

    Bookmark   February 27, 2006 at 9:20PM
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Oh, I left out the men who felt the need to be "honest" and inform me of all the things that were "wrong" with me: I need to lose weight, my hair is too flat, my clothes are too loose or not sexy enough, I need a push-up bra, I'm a snob, I'm jaded, I'm insecure, I need to "lighten-up," I'm too old, I'm too short, I'm too far away. I've come to the conclusion that many men looking for some mythical woman who will be perpetually 25, look like a Victoria Secret model, possess the selfless, unmaterialistic spirit of Mother Teresa, but be self-supporting (maybe owning a Fortune 500 company), never be critical, be a gourmet chef, and be available and willing to have sex at anytime day or night. If such a creature exisits, she has been hunted to exinction.

    Bookmark   February 28, 2006 at 3:29PM
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Sure. I've met and dated men I have met on-line. You use the same approach as with any stranger you are meeting. And I met "decent" men, but it's amazing how even the "decent" ones -- their pictures are just "3 years old" when clearly were not...I dislike this "fibbing" along with a great degree of hype. I think the worst thing is that you realize that you can't aproach dating with a list of things that you want -- afterall, life is not a list.. so unfortunately, you do settle for less. You compromise a bit more and more and that's not good.

But I will take "alfresco" anyday.. where are my 3d glasses?!

    Bookmark   March 1, 2006 at 5:05AM
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Bumblebeez SC Zone 7

I met my husband through a personal ad I took out. We've been very happily married for eleven years. It was the best thing I ever did. I met more high quality guys through my ad than I had met in years. My ad, which was linked to a voice mail that they had to pay to leave me a message was very specific as to what I wanted. Some messages I did not return. All of the men I went out with were met for lunch at busy restaurants and only after we had talked for hours on the phone.
I know internet dating is the thing now, of course, but I feel that's a shame really, because judgements are made more on how someone looks than on personality and character.

Finding my mate attractive was very important, but sometimes someone who doesn't catch your eye at first can have such a dynamic personality that they become attractive.

    Bookmark   March 26, 2006 at 9:29PM
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I couldn't agree more bumblebeez. I'm very happy for you. I have had my share of bad internet dates/relationships and am currently in a long distance thing for which I have no idea how it'll turn out. It's fine this way for now - we generally talk every day except when he is out of the country.

I do find that he got to know me for me - and not my looks - which is a good thing. I never ever would have thought he was my "type" but I'm more attracted to him than ever. I think it's his intelligence that turns me on the most. Such a sweet sweet man.


    Bookmark   March 26, 2006 at 11:47PM
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To Barnmom: Where are all these 60 plus men? In Oklahoma they are as scarce as hens' teeth!

    Bookmark   May 29, 2006 at 12:20PM
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