Terrible Valentines Day

icucwecFebruary 17, 2009

I have been in a relationship for seven years. My GF is a single mom with a teenage daughter. I could not be with my GF on V-Day so we agreed to meet up on the phone when she got home from work. I called her and she did not answer. I left her a couple of text messages, she did not respond. I gave up and went on with my day. Later that night I checked her daughters blog (agreed thing my GF and I both do to keep tabs on her daughter).

The girl was lamenting about her lack of a date for V-day and that even her MOM was out on a date!

My jaw dropped. I left her a message that I know she was out on a date.

The next evening, over 24 hours later she finally leaves me a VM. Says she was really busy on V-Day, worked late and then went with her daughter to a play. She goes on to say how much she loves me and misses me. Not even a mention of the date or my catching her cheating. Maybe she never checked her VM???

Hmmm I thought, according to the theatre the play was at 8pm, but the daughter entered her blog entry at almost 9pm.

So I texted her back and confronted her about the time difference. Now her story changes. She went to the play in the afternoon, and out to dinner with a friend after. Well according to the theatre schedule there was no play in the afternoon.

She says, well it was a special unpublished performance for friends of the cast. Maybe this is true but the sudden change of being at the play at night to the afternoon is fishy. Remember the daughter was at home when mom first said they were together.

I pushed a little further and she admits that the friend she went out to dinner with was an old BF and his elderly aunt. The old BF!!! I don't care that the aunt was there (maybe she wasn't), on V-Day you choose to ignore me, not even send a love text, and go out to dinner with an old BF.

I ended the relationship right then and there.

So went my Valentines Day.

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Wow! Seven years and you JUST saw this behavior? That seems odd but it does happen. Just curious, why seven years and no marriage? Did she want something more out of you all's relationship than you did hence the straying? NOT that there is ANY excuse, it is still inexcusable. I just think it odd that 7 years and then BOOM. If she was cheating, sounds like it, then she may have been checking out the till a long time ago and she just NOW got caught. Kuddos for dumping her, even if she was not technically cheating, she was lying. Bad enough, but dang then she teaches her daughter by example if daughter knew. Geesh! Take yourself out somewhere nice this weekend to make up for the bad vday. Sorry for the bad luck. Being single definitely has it up sides....no heartbreak.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2009 at 8:36PM
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Asked her to marry me many times. She said she would not marry until her daughter in college.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2009 at 9:16PM
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Teenager in college - Good idea but maybe a good excuse!

Agree on the dumping idea. Sorry for such a lousy V-Day. But "V" does stand for Victory!

Best wishes for handling this well. I'm sure your TSL Forum friends have your back!


    Bookmark   February 17, 2009 at 10:04PM
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i hope i don't sound insensitive here, but i think valentine's day was probably a good day for you. after all, you found out that she is not only capable of cheating on you, but is also capable of lying to you. one of the most important elements in any loving relationship is trust. when there is none, what do you really have?

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 1:19PM
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yes I guess you could look at it that way. I should have been smarter because she left her husband for another man 13 years ago. That man in turn dumped her. But I have known her since we were teenagers, so we had a long history.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 2:24PM
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oooh, that s***ks! I've been through that - 28 years and then I guess I woke up. Hope all goes well!

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 8:53PM
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Thanks. I am doing well. I had a couple of urges to call her and talk, but I quickly shut those feelings down. This is a no contact scenario. Time for me to move on. To some it may seem unreal that I could end it after 7 years so fast, but I cant find any reason to forgive going out with an old BF on V-day and lying about it. Its kind of a no starter.

Oh and last week she found out her ex-husband is getting remarried, so a double whammy to her ego on this one.

    Bookmark   February 18, 2009 at 11:07PM
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well done for ending it,it hurts like hell but your better off without her,at least now you can find someone that will want to marry you,it does seem her heart was never in this relationhip.Im just curious as she even tryed to get u back

    Bookmark   February 20, 2009 at 3:49AM
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Not at all. No emails or calls. I did not think she would. For the best I suppose, it helps with the clean break.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2009 at 6:54AM
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Glad you are doing OK. If you read my SL Crisis thread, you'll see I'm doing some of the same thing. But the clean break, although tough, can be better. You only have to go through it once instead of gradually downgrading.

Best wishes - enjoy the weekend!! I'm getting ready to go to a party. That's something I don't do very much anymore. I'm quite nervous but maybe it will get rid of the obvious.

Hang in there - go to a party!!


    Bookmark   February 20, 2009 at 6:54PM
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Going to breakfast tomorrow with a bunch of friends. I heard some other news this week that makes my situation look petty and small.

Two of my friends lost their jobs this week, another is about to lose their home and the topper is another friend had his wife run out on him for another guy and left him with 4 kids.

In light of all that, I am thankful for my stable job, my home and in general a good life.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2009 at 7:30PM
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Happy you are going to spend some time with your friends. Sorry to hear this news about your friends. This is such a tough time for everyone - job losses are becoming rediculous.

    Bookmark   February 20, 2009 at 11:13PM
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Well it has been 3 weeks of no NC. I am doing well. I had a couple of blue days where I missed her, but I quickly got over it.

Oh she must have told her daughter that I found out about her cheating through the blog, because the daughter left a message that I am a stalker for reading her blog. So I guess in all this time mom never told her that we both read it.
Hmm, if you put a blog up on the internet, advertise it on your youtube page and tell people to read it to find out about your life, can you really be a stalker for reading it? If she wanted private thoughts she should have kept an old fashioned written diary. But I am glad that she didn't because it saved me from making a huge mistake down the line.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2009 at 2:52PM
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Glad you are doing better. Sounds like you did save yourself from future divorce court....thank goodness. I agree, whenever I start feeling real down, I count all my blessings and see how lucky I really am! LOL about the daughter, and give me a break sounds like mom and daughter are both trying to find blame somewhere other than themselves for cheating. Good luck.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2009 at 2:58PM
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I'm sorry that you went through this, especially on Valentine's. I have been through a similar thing and soon I was looking back wondering why I had wasted so much time on that person. Too bad people can't just let you know they want to move on rather than hurting you like that.

    Bookmark   March 21, 2009 at 5:45PM
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Well this has been a long time for an update. I have been doing great and really enjoying life. It has been months since I had any contact with her. I have started to explore a relationship with a new woman.

Two weeks ago my ex-GF calls me out of the blue. She hurt herself in a fall, her life/job/world is falling apart and she needed to talk to me. I listened politely and gave her some encouragement. We stayed in touch on and off thru texts for the past 2 weeks. Just very casual messages as I really want to see where things can go with my new lady.

Today I sent her a message that one of our old friends from high school lost her dad. This old friend was her rival for my attention back in our HS days. But that was 30 years ago. Her reply was cold, " It does not surprise me when people in their 80's die"

I wrote back that she was cold and is that how she would reply to me when one of my parents die, and she really needed to get over high school. She accused me of being insensitive because her father died in 2004. Umm.. I lost her train of logic there???

Thats when it hit me. Having her back in my life was not making me happy. It was making me uncomfortable and depressed.

My final text message to her...

"You are not making me happy to be around you anymore. You only need me when things get rough in your life and that is why you called me 2 weeks ago.

You need to move on with your life, I dont want this anymore."

So that was the end of that. Some people just carry so much negative energy that the only thing you can do is cut them loose or get dragged down with them.

    Bookmark   June 14, 2009 at 11:40PM
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next time she txts dont bother to reply,by textimg back your keeping somthing going between you.end it for good,well done for moving on ,hope all is happy with your new girl.

    Bookmark   June 20, 2009 at 5:24PM
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I'm doin' the Happy dance for ya, that's for sure!

While I never want anyone to have to go through a break-up, this one is warrated from what I can see.

Tracy's right - don't respond if she tries to contact you. That's a game, whether an intended one or not. Enjoy your new relationship. The more time you waste on the old relationship, the less energy you have for the new one. Besides, the more you are in contact with her, the more chances there are for her to try to sabotage the new relationship.

Hey - this is so classic. There is a happy ending here if you write it your way. Best wishes.


    Bookmark   July 20, 2009 at 7:57PM
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OMG after all this time she calls me at work to see if I am ok. She heard about all the bad weather in my area and was concerned.

I said I was fine, thanks I gotta go now.


    Bookmark   April 1, 2010 at 11:00PM
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Over 3 years later she calls me to tell me she is getting married to a guy she met online and only dated 4 months. She does not love him, but he has a good job and will give her security. I said I think you are making a mistake going into a loveless marriage, but good luck.

Whew, so glad it was not me.

    Bookmark   January 17, 2014 at 9:45AM
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Sounds like you dodged a huge bullet!

    Bookmark   January 18, 2014 at 12:07AM
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Aren't you lucky - someone was watching over you!

    Bookmark   January 21, 2014 at 6:18PM
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