Making Valentine's Day tolerable

kayjonesFebruary 14, 2008

RED-NECK VALENTINE'S LOVE POEM

Collards is green my dog's name is Blue and I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have som'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, what I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, to patch up life's trou bles and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, you spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, my life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, we go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day from the cooler at Kroger. "That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey, these won't do. Cause yo're too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor, more useful than diamonds... IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!

Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable, but everyone else's are horrendous.

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Tinmantu

gol durn it all, If you'en wooda posted thatthar poem befer now, ida saved 4 bucks on one of them there Hallmark thingies and reckon I coulda bought me a used battery too for that trollin' motor.

    Bookmark   February 14, 2008 at 8:10PM
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kayjones

I had no idea used trollin' motors were up to $4 - dang, prices just keep on a climin, don't they?!!!

    Bookmark   February 14, 2008 at 9:14PM
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gneegirl

You two are sooo funny (fun!). Happy Valentines's day (belated, it's after midnight)

    Bookmark   February 15, 2008 at 12:28AM
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