Please help me understand my feelings
Hi all. This might be a bit confusing because Im not clear myself what Im feeling. I joined a bereavement group 8 years ago after the death of my husband. In the years following a core group of about 5 of us have become almost like a family. There were 4 ladies and one man who became very close. About 3 years ago one of the ladies married an old friend who joined our group (no longer a bereavement group just a group of friends). We have cruised together, cried together, laughed, celebrated holidays etc etc. Saturday night after having dinner out and coming back to my house for dessert the man original to our group announced that he and one of the ladies is now a couple. After talking to her the next day I learned they are having papers drawn up to separate assets, told their families and are planning on moving in together. We had absolutely no idea this was happening and I feel so many emotions. I hate to admit to feeling jealous, deceived and a bit scared. As I said these people are my support group, my friends who I have shared my most horrible thoughts and fears with. I am asking myself if maybe I had feelings for this man that I was unaware of-I can't stop crying. I know part of it is the dynamics of this group has changed forever from a group to two couples and two widowed females.
I am enormously happy for anyone who finds someone to love and finds love in return so Im so confused about my feelings. I talk to this lady and this man at least once a week and he and I have gone to dinner almost weekly for several years either with the others or if they aren't available we go alone. Not once did either of them give any indication of their feelings and I and the others in the group (including the other couple) are feeling a little duped. Help me understand. Satine