Hi everyone..... new honesty story

msbehavinmavenJanuary 8, 2004

Hello everyone. I am 31 and live in Arkansas. Wanted to post this, as you might get a laugh.

I recently reactivated my online personal. Well, this guy emails me and then instant messages me. All is going well, then I receive THE PHOTO. Bad teeth, hair, I mean the thing just screamed lech to me really. Just no one I would be interested in looking at in person anytime soon, much less in the a.m. everyday. Anyway, he told me he had a daughter, yada yada. He wanted to know if we could continue. I said I was not sure that we were compatible, and instantly he got offended. He wanted to know just HOW could I know after a short conversation?

Well, rather than comment about his looks, I said I was looking for someone who wanted to have kids for the first time and could do so with me. I mean, no need to hurt his feelings needlessly, and that is pretty much true, anyway. His response? Yeah, good luck with that at 31. (Talking about my age.)

LOL. Cracks me up, and reminds me why I don't like the "personals." I am sure he thinks of himself as a "sensitive" guy, too.


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Sensitive as a hit over the head with a brick, by the sound of things! You were honest with him. You said you weren't sure you'd be compatible. What's wrong with that, I wonder? You can be 'not sure' 10 years into a relationship, much less after just a couple of minutes, during which you've exchanged a minimum of information! He sounds like an ego freak, well into power-games. The lesson here is to trust your gut instinct. And to be a little more decisive in your responses to questions like that. "It's a bit early to be able to tell, don't you think?" might have been my reply!

    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 2:57AM
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OOO OOO OOO! I had a similar experience! I had chatted online with a guy in a Florida chat room. We sort of hit it off, he had two older sons and I explained my situation with my mother (she and I live together and I am increasingly taking more and more care of her). Anyway, a little while later, we met for lunch near my office. I couldn't believe my eyes! Bad teeth? No! - NO TEETH!! At least in the front! Total turn off for me too! We went to a nearby deli for lunch. Still can't quite figure out how he ate that sandwich! Well I got back to work and of course my co-workers wanted a complete report... all I could say was "I'm sorry - I think I need teeth!".

That night online again, he said he didn't think it would work. My life wasn't going to have enough room for him, because I care for my mother. Hmmmm. This from a man who just bailed one of his sons out of jail after a DWI and totalling his father's truck?

MBM - people like us have waited this long for someone - why should we lower our standards now? Isn't that just compromising?


Barbara_Tampa - who needs teeth!

    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 9:57AM
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LOL - I have found the 'homelier' a person feels, the more egotistical they seem to be. I have learned, over the years, to look at their ONE good feature - brain, heart, etc., and not their looks.

I have been with the 'pretty boys' - dated a Chippendale guy for a few months - and their main focus is on themselves, not the values in life.

It sounds as if you handled this situation correctly, IMHO -another bullet deftly dodged - congratulations!

I have also found, in my dating experiences, that men do tend to attach themselves too quickly. Maybe it's because they are lonely or have a low self-esteem, but it is a big turn off for me. I would rather they take it one day at a time, develope that all-important friendship, and see where it leads.

I have been 'single' for just a short time and am not at all ready to 'settle down' to one person. I plan to enjoy being free/alone for awhile - start enjoying the friends I lost contact with when I was in a relationship.

I am more interested in caring friends at this time in my life, not some emotionally needy man, to whom I must account for my activities.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 10:03AM
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I just want great sex with a man who has teeth, likes to bathe, supports himself, lives close enough to visit often and has never been to prison.

maybe that's what I should be writing in my ad.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 12:27PM
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Carrie B

Oh, jc, you make me laugh. But then, I want that too.

To touch on something kayjones said, about men attaching themselves quickly. There is pretty convincing theory out there that men often do get very attached very quickly, and then their enthusiasm fades just as rapidly. Women, on the other hand, tend to develop stronger bonds over time. The theory is that it is all about evolution, men wanting to sow their oats and women wanting to make sure the man sticks around to help them raise kids. Think what you want about evolutionary psychology, but this element of it makes good sense to me.

MsBehavin, I've gotten that kind of thing too, when I've told a guy I didn't want to go further, you can tell they are disappointed buy they try to turn it around, find some reason why you're at fault, or convince you otherwise. It is so disrespectful.

Despite all that, I still think the personals, and Online dating particulary, are worth the annoyances and effort.

Good luck all,


    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 3:07PM
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Hi again! I can relate to the dishonesty in the personals. I tried online dating off and on for a couple of years but the final tally was:
1. No one looked anything like their picture. (I'm not really concerned with looks that much but if you have a picture online you should at least resemble the picture.)
2. Almost all of the men smoked even though they said they didn't and wanted to date a non-smoker. (After the second date the truth would come out.)
3. Many men seemed to have multiple personalities. (I actually dated a guy for a few weeks, met his lovely daughters and then decided not to date him anymore when I found his personal on another site that said he had no children? and another personal on another site that was just sick!) Also, many "social drinkers" had a totally different idea than I do on that subject.
I'm sure that there are some honest personals out there besides mine but I'm not going to waste my time or emotions on them anymore. It was very interesting and a real learning experience. I learned enough for me.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 6:02PM
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Char, I am thrilled - another ARIES WOMAN on the forum!! LOL I have also found that many people have multiple personalities, and it varies depending on the weather, day, circumstance, etc. On the OTHER hand, we ARIES women (speaking of myself and Aries friends), have only ONE personality - PICKY! Don't be a stranger on the forum - I need as many reinforcements as possible!

    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 6:57PM
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I've only just recently decided to develop my "Picky" side. I'm not that into birth signs, who me a stubborn Ram? My youngest DS is also an Aries and we butt heads at times. I kept on dating Leos over and over and not on purpose! I'll try to pop in when I can.

    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 7:22PM
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LOL, JC....I fit all the categories except the distance :)..... as far as the honesty part, MsBehavinMavin...it sounds like you handled it just fine...keep looking, the right person will turn up one day...the thing is to be picky..I have been divorced for going on 9 years now, and am in no hurry to re-wed....after a while you get to the point where your own time with yourself is the most valuable

    Bookmark   January 8, 2004 at 8:42PM
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