Stressed out Child

Carlotta_BullAugust 21, 2002

School started Monday. My daughter always has a tough time the first couple of weeks. After the Labor Day break, she's adjusted to the routine & ready to get to work.

Are there any other children like her out there?

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I am sure there are. There are some who are stressed all the time. They just have a rough home life or lack of a stable home situation and you can always tell them at school. Those are the ones that cause the most problems at school and everywhere else.

    Bookmark   August 22, 2002 at 12:07PM
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I don't think you have to have a rough home life to be stressed out at school! ESPECIALLY in the first few days as Carlotta is describing!

I'm like that--I don't like transitions. Once it feels like old-hat, then I'm comfortable. I think it's probably pretty common, in fact!

It's nice that you know ahead of time w/ your daughter; you can coach her on coping mechanisms, and knowing this about herself will help her hold on through those first cruddy days.

Does she have other "transition anxieties," or are there other ways in which she demonstrates an aversion to change? (some kids like her might also be picky eaters--they don't like new stuff, they don't like surprises, they like to know exactly what is coming next).

Have you and she developed any strategies you'd like to share?

    Bookmark   August 22, 2002 at 12:51PM
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don't know how old your daughter is. But I was a very grown adult before someone gave me a piece of advice I wish I had received earlier.

"Wherever you are, always hold your head high with the attitude that you belong there."

Since hearing that, I have managed to change my attitude about many 'first' experiences or 'new' or 'stressful' things. I have read for parts in plays in local theater (and been cast in a few). I have changed jobs, and have done well at my current job in many hectic situations. Looking back, times like the start of school left me feeling like everyone was watching me, or that I had a reason to be nervous. Since hearing that simplistic but effective advice, I realized that the others around me are just as nervous as I am!

(it has nothing to do with homelife. where did that come from? I've known those who had a severely troubled home life who were even more secure out in the world than me, so generalizations are not always accurate)

    Bookmark   August 22, 2002 at 2:29PM
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I have been there and seen it . Don't call me a liar.

    Bookmark   August 22, 2002 at 6:59PM
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Read this and rethink. The only things that seemed to have changed is more crime from the older group(adults). I hear of more of children being abducted than ever before.

Here is a link that might be useful:

    Bookmark   August 22, 2002 at 8:35PM
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My daugher is 12 (13 in December) & in the 7th grade.

Arkansasgarden - I understand where you're coming from. I volunteer at school & I see the stressed out kiddos you're talking about. My heart goes out to them, but all I can do is to be kind & maybe that will give them hope for the future. My daugher doesn't fit in that category.

Talley Sue - She doesn't like change & tends to internalize (like her parents - lol). She'll be fine after the Labor Day break. The only coping strategy I've found for the first couple of weeks are to get her HOME right after school & let her decompress. Her dad & I also have lunch with her the second week of school. They were planning tonight which fast food I'm bringing! Luckily, the door is open to parents at the middle school she attends. I've talked to parents who feel like the door is slammed in their face when their kids enter middle school.

    Bookmark   August 22, 2002 at 10:56PM
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:-) I didn't call you a liar, just a generalizer. (is that a word?)

I remember that age! That's a tough time. She'll be fine and it sounds like she has great support from you. Everything seems bigger than life at that age, so having a routine will definitely be a big help!

Read an article yesterday, that though the media makes it seem as if it is worse, statistically, there are no more abductions this year than before. (kind of like the media frenzy last year over shark attacks). We still need to be vigilant, because with our children it is better to be on the safe side.

But one theory is that the spectre of the war on terrorism is in our midst constantly, and it seems unsolvable. Yet the child abductions are a solvable crime that the entire community can pull together and make a difference. Just look at how many kids were rescued thanks to community vigilance and the Amber alert system. The theory is that the public has grabbed onto the media attention of the abudctions because we feel we have more control over it, and more ability to fix it, than we do the ongoing terrorism in the world.

    Bookmark   August 23, 2002 at 7:55AM
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Thanks you all. I did not make myself real clear. I am thankful for the parents like you who are really concern for you children. I just touched on the extreme because they do have an impact on the whole.
Morgan Nick is a case in Arkansas you may have heard years back that has yet to be solved and one is too many.
Communities working together can achieve safer communities and this is what we must do. We are to help protect one another. Thanks again.

    Bookmark   August 23, 2002 at 1:10PM
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Just a reminder and you may be the one who saves someone's child.

Here is a link that might be useful:

    Bookmark   August 23, 2002 at 1:28PM
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Oh, Gardenboy, I remember when Morgan Nick was taken. How sad that she has not been found. A comment was made above about missing children and that there haven't actually been more abductions, just more media coverage. It's sometimes hard to find something good to say about the media, but the media must be credited for helping find some of these missing children lately. On another note, I recently read that the fact that our murder rate has dropped in recent years can be explained by the incredible work our trauma units are doing now. Put simply, people who several years ago would have been a murder victim are now being saved by modern medicine. This in turn makes our murder rate lower. Interesting when you know the facts. I had hoped it was because we were becoming a kinder nation :(

As to stressed out children, my children are always a little keyed up at first - much like starting a new job. But once they get there and see the familiar faces, things do seem to get better. I think it's normal to feel anxious.

    Bookmark   August 25, 2002 at 8:44PM
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I remember Morgan Nick, too. She's the same age as my daughter & it sent shock waves throughout the nation that kids wern't safe without supervision.

    Bookmark   August 27, 2002 at 8:40PM
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Carlotta, I have a son who had trouble changing into each school year, and my daughter had some shyness when we first moved here. I learned to talk to them about how to make a friend at first--how to say, "Hi, what's your name," how they might start a conversation with what phrases, who looks like someone nice to get to know, etc. In middle and high school, I always thought the first weeks of lunch were the hardest, especially when we had split lunch schedules and last year's lunch buddies were assigned a different lunch period. I would also remind your daughter that she always seems to take a little while to adjust but then she has a wonderful year, and this year will be like that too. One of our high schools has a large poster over the front door, and I love the slogan--"There are no strangers here, only friends we haven't met." I think that is a good discussion topic your daughter would benefit from.

    Bookmark   August 29, 2002 at 2:54AM
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