Advice for a child and family coming home short term?

blueberrier1August 31, 2007

Anyone with experience or advice on a child coming home to live with spouse (job loss out west) and toddler?

Have a separate entrance walk-out lower level apt-space for my DH and I will not be impacted.

cella jane

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bill_h

move, leave no forwarding address.

    Bookmark   September 1, 2007 at 8:41PM
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minnie_tx

Good advice Bill

    Bookmark   September 3, 2007 at 6:40PM
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skagit_goat_man_

From Personal Experience: help them rent a place somewhere else. Tom

    Bookmark   September 4, 2007 at 7:27AM
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duluthinbloomz4

From the above replies, it can be extrapolated that you might want to prepare some ground rules. Being there to help out in a crisis need not turn into "enabling".

It's hard to imagine that you and your DH are not going to be impacted. Boomerang situations are becomming a fairly common situation, but if you're going to be providing shelter, are you also prepared to feed them 3 meals a day, be a built-in babysitter, financially support and maintain them through the crisis period? Will they become too comfortable to leave once on more secure footing?

    Bookmark   September 7, 2007 at 4:43PM
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daylilydayzed

My daughter and her son came home before the divorce was final. We said this is temporary. Till you get a job and find a place. My hubby had to fly out to Oregon to help her drive home with all her stuff. It set us back money wise that we couldn't recover from. Add to the fact that my hubby suffered from 3rd degree burns and was out of work after the hurricanes of 2004 and did not return to work until Jan 2005 and found out then that his job would end in Nov 2005. The plant was shutting down. Now it has been over 4 years and it doesn't look like she will ever get off her butt and find a place to rent . She claims she doesn't have the time.

    Bookmark   September 10, 2007 at 12:45AM
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jannie

Make sure they pay at least some rent.

    Bookmark   September 10, 2007 at 10:03PM
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mariend

Set limits, rent due and make sure they pay it. Treat them like any other renters, have them sign a renter's contract, make them get renter's insurance. Yes, I went thru it, but in our case, we bought a cheaper house, and even then, he (son) always manage to not quite have the money. They had to buy it, got a loan, paid us back (most of it) and then lost it thru another foreclose. Had to move out of state, because we refused to help again, and again.
daylily--give them a move out date, tough love, change the locks etc. I tell my kids, my house is my house, I raised you and you are on your own. It is amazing when pushed to the limits they will find something.

    Bookmark   September 11, 2007 at 2:46PM
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Jonesy

I agree with with "move, leave no forwarding address". I mean that with all my heart....and experience. I let each of my sons move home from out of state and it went well, most of the time. They were out in 3 months time which was good and I didn't mind the expense except for cigarettes. The main reason I wouldn't advise them moving in is the experience my neighbor had with her daughter, she stayed and stayed and stayed, way over a year. Her daughter has a smart mouth and it was a very long year. The daughter was ill and couldn't afford to move out, it got very bad. If you have to do this, set a time limit for them to move out. Unless you have very responsible children they won't want to save their money for another place to live, why should they when they are living free. I was married 48 yrs, we kept our bills down, when a job was lost, we got another. Good luck.

    Bookmark   September 13, 2007 at 4:31PM
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