I hate my house: Should I stay or should I sell now?

choochnbobAugust 2, 2009

I'm currently living in a house that I hate but have come to tolerate after 5 years. I know I will never love it and only hope I will grow to someday sort of like it.

I was casually looking (Who am I kidding -I'm always looking, on MLS at least a couple times a week) and found a home I like that appears to be priced very reasonably. It is soooo much nicer. So we are considering selling in order to go for that house but will lose about $30,000++ if we do. Our house is about $375,000. We have 9 years left on our current mortgage and the new mortgage would be a 15 year. Clearly staying put in the house I hate is much easier financially. Not to mention the stress of trying to sell in this market and the possibility of not getting the house we want.

So I'm looking for advice from people who have sold a house they hated to move to one they like better and if it was worth it.

Or if anyone stayed in a house they hate and have grown to love it, I'd like their advice too.


Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Question to consider--why do you hate it? memories of a previous house? neighbors? layout? colors? yard? etc and maybe if you can find out Why? you could learn to tolerate it better until you could sell it at a better price. I am just suggesting, not being critical. I do know how you feel, as I really do miss my custom built home in Ca, we had to sell. But I do like ND better.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2009 at 1:00PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

When we were transfered to Colorado a number of years ago we found our house on one house hunting weekend. Usually we have pretty good luck finding a home in a weekend. But that transfer was difficult and we had few homes that were in our price range in the school district we wanted to be in that were big enough and met the needs of our family of 6. So we settled on basically what was a tract home. After closing I stood in my kitchen waiting for the moving van to deliver furniture and burst out crying. I had left a wonderful 50's ranch with character back in Michigan and I was sitting in a soul less, character less tract home. Sure it was a nice size for my family, but the house just didn't have the family feel I wanted. It was just like all the other homes in the family friendly neighborhood. So I set about making the home as homey and unique as possible and came to tolerate that house. We learned that a home was what you make of it. So while it has been my least favorite of all my homes, it was still a great experience because of what me made of that home.

We were only in that home for 2.5 years before a transfer took us to California. And when we moved to Cali I learned to bypass all the soul less tract homes in search of a custom home that fit my family's needs.

If staying where you are makes financial sense, then try to change the things about the house that you don't like. There must have been something about the house that "spoke" to you or you wouldn't have bought it. Try to play up what you liked. Good luck.

    Bookmark   August 2, 2009 at 1:24PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Only YOU can determine if you hate the home $30,000 worth. If so, then move on, if not stay put.
Also consider that the home that you may buy, could possibly be bought with some equity, therefore lowering the $30,000 loss a bit.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 8:06AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

What do you mean " So we are considering selling in order to go for that house but will lose about $30,000++ if we do."?

If you mean that your home's value has dropped 30k, then you have already lost the money. No decision you make now will change that.

If you mean that it will cost you 6% to sell and another 10k in closing/moving costs, then you might want to look at how to reduce that. Lots of people are doing flat fee listings and reducing the cost of commission to under 3%. Also, many people include closing costs in their offer for a new home. Of course, that only rolls the costs into a 15 year mortgage, but 5k over 15 years isn't that significant.

Personally - Life is short. You should not waste it doing things you hate, being with people you hate, or living someplace you hate. If you are the type of person who wants a 15 year mortgage, I'm confident you are someone who watches their money fairly closely and lives within their means already. If that is the case, don't feel guilty about spending money on something that will really increase your happiness.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 9:55AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

bill1 -- great reminder about money already being lost. That point is often made about investment portfolios, but I tend not to remember it for real estate.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 10:30AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
ingrid_vc so. CA zone 9

Having lived in a house you hate for five years sounds like penance enough. The real question has to do with your financial situation. If you can afford to move, loss or no loss, I wouldn't waste a minute thinking about it. Life is short, often shorter than we would like, and if you can't make yourself happy in some way every day you've lost an opportunity that will not come again. The impact of the money will be forgotten unless you're spending money you don't have. Apart from human relationships, the houses we live in can make or break our happiness. If you can afford it, what is there to think about? You seem to be doubting yourself, but no one can tell you whether you're happy in that house or not, especially a house you've hated for five loong years. The decision is yours and the people you live with, no one else's.

    Bookmark   August 3, 2009 at 9:04PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I still live in a house I dislike--our first home--and it has been over seven years. Each year I like the house a little more because each year a few projects are accomplished that make the place easier to live in.

Unfortunately, there's nothing we can do to change the location, the layout or get a larger lot, so it will never be a place I want to stay if we can afford to move up.

We'll move when we can afford it, but I decided I wanted to have kids and be able to stay home with them until they both go to school so it will be a few more years before we can afford to move. I would have a hard time moving if it meant taking a $30K loss but that's based on our financial situation.

I think if you can afford to move you should. I agree w/ the PPs who say life is too short to NOT move--especially if you spend a lot of time at home :-)

    Bookmark   August 4, 2009 at 9:12PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I want to thank you all for replying to my post. It was very generous of you to take the time to help me with this decision. You all made some great points for me to consider. Looks like we'll be putting it on the market but I thought I would address some of the comments in your posts at this point:

Play up what 'spoke' to us when we bought it issue: That's gonna be tough. I dare say I do hate EVERYTHING about this place: but I know that can't be entirely true. Mostly is though! I'll give it that it has a pretty good floor plan and a nice neighborhood. Period. Why did we buy it? Well we had a list of things we wanted the new house to have and this one had many of them, when we looked at the list on paper and put checkmarks next to it, it looked ok. i.e. 2 car att garage, 4 bedrooms, office, screen porch, playroom...Plus basically had the square footage we wanted for our family of 5, a nice quiet neighborhood, and was in the school district we were trying to get into, which was our #1 priority and could close in time (#2priority). That's about it. Nothing of the actual house itself spoke to us, other than to say" you'll need to fix this , clean that, update this, repair that"....ad nauseum. It had been neglected by previous owners and showed its wear and tear but we thought it had the bones to work with and once we put "our mark on it, it would be nice" and we'd be in a good school district. I remember saying that. We had left a lovely new house that I had drawn the plans for and needed nothing done but was in a poor school district. After the move I sunk into a very deep depression which I have been able with much effort to scratch and crawl my way out of but as a result I think I'll forever resent this hellhole since it robbed me of a couple years when I was depressed. We have done a lot of improvements and in fact it is considered by most (not me) to be quite nice. It is nice but I am too emotionally tied to hating it to ever see it as really nice. We could stay and continue working on it since there are a few mre things we'd like to do. The only thing is the more we do, though in a way it helps, in another way it just reminds me of what a mistake we made by buying it in the first place.

The $30,000 lost issue: I think I was referring to the fact that the market has depreciated by that much here so I was seeing it as a loss IF we move but I agree with the point that it's actually already lost! I had never thought of it that way. Thanks for pointing that out.

The can we afford to move question: I'd say that's the million dollar question. And the answer is a definite yes but with some caveats. We'll be paid off here within 9 years. Oldest will be starting college in 6 years. If we move, we'd need to go back up to a 15 year mortgage and payments would be about the same as now. Yikes, I am very frugal and paying a mortgage for an extra 6 years is a tough pill to swallow. Tougher even than the Prozac maybe! We have lots of friends who have lovely houses and 30 yr mortgages but I can't handle that, though we could have one S W E E T !!! house if I could. Not in the cards for me or my DH since I hate debt. a 15 yr mortgage again will be a little tough to take but less so than living here where I'm unhappy. And you know what they say: "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

Life is short issue: Sure is which is why we are planning on selling. It's a tough market and we're only willing to lower the price such that we can get a nicer place with a 15 yr mortgage. We won't go so low on price here that would necessitate us getting a 30 yr mortgage for any new place. That would definitely make me resent any new place such that I'd be in the same boat as now. Hopefully we'll get lucky and be able to sell with not too big a loss.

So, have I mentioned that I have a lovely house to sell????? LOL

    Bookmark   August 17, 2009 at 7:57AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

If you want to sell (instead of sit on market), then you need to price according to what comparable homes recently sold.

If you price too high because you must net a certain amt in order to get a a different home with a 15 year loan...well, you could possibly be over priced if you don't let comps drive the price of the home you are selling.

If you price too high and then have the home "on the market", but really won't sell due to a high price, then this could really cause you a lot of stress.

If your needed price would cause the home to be overpriced by more than 10% or 15%, then do yourself a favor and don't place the home up for sale.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2009 at 3:36PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Hey choochnbob,
Sweettea has it right. Interview 3 good agents, and require each one of them to justify their list price.
If you think living in a house you hate is bad, just wait until you try to sell that same house if it is overpriced by only 10%! You'll be adding xanax to that prozac.
Good luck.

    Bookmark   August 17, 2009 at 9:25PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
New front door--ok to put lockbox on back door?
We have a new (quite expensive) front door and screen...
Pond Dye Dumped Into My Pond and Stream... Water Rights Question
I never posted once in seven years, and now I post...
An offer to purchase when house not on the market
This has not happened yet, but I want to be prepared. Our...
How do you value a pole barn?
Does anyone have a good rule of thumb for appraising...
Off market for 6 days, why? ncrealestateguy?
Hello, long time lurker, first time poster. I hope...
Sponsored Products
Flos | Cicatrices De Luxe 5 Pendant Light
3" 800 Series Housing by WAC Lighting
$58.00 | Lumens
Juno Track Lighting Trac-Lites Low-Voltage Trumpet Black Light R706BL
$33.97 | Home Depot
Solaris Six-Light English Bronze Chandelier
Oxblood Red Sculpted Vase Porcelain Table Lamp
Lamps Plus
Each 50"W x 108"L Curtain
$1,025.00 | Horchow
Bover | Tau Madera Table Lamp
$778.00 | YLighting
Hughes Leather Loveseat - Brighton Volcano Brown
Joybird Furniture
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™