Anyone care to give me a pep talk?

LCaroline12April 24, 2014

I've been lurking and posting here for several months now and I can't say I haven't been warned about the dangers of the "never-ending kitchen remodel"! I read all of your stories, heeded all of your warnings, and had a rock-solid plan that would guarantee that I'd only be without a kitchen for a week, TOPS.

My husband is a row crop farmer in the midst of planting season, so he is working long days now. He is rather handy and can do many things himself, but certain times of the year he just doesn't have the time. Hubs wanted to save a little money and install the appliances, sink, faucet, and move the water line for the dishwasher himself. The contractor agreed he would install the cabinets and countertop. So I planned to avoid a kitchen remodel during planting season by getting all of my cabinets and counters ordered in early February. The contractor (nice guy, not the best communicator) said it would take two weeks to come in, then he could have it all installed within a few days. I was feeling so optimistic about this, but now... two months later my house is still in shambles and it has been a complete nightmare doing this with 18 month old twin toddlers. It took a lot longer for the cabs and counter to come in than he thought, so we really didn't get started until planting season was underway. My cabinets and countertops are installed, but I don't have a sink or dishwasher because I'm waiting for hubby to install them. I am pleading with him to let me pay someone to do it, but he says he'll get to it when it rains. I need a sink! He thinks it's not a big deal to wash dishes in the laundry room. A dishwasher would be nice too! I'm going nuts. I love this man, but Lord he's stubborn. Someone come get me and let's head for the border!

Not really looking for advice, just needed to rant a little. There, I'm feeling much better! It's supposed to rain tonight, so hopefully I can have some reveal pics soon, maybe?

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You brought back fond?? memories when I was in your shoes - babies underfoot, and a husband who worked full time and then in the evenings and weekends farmed with his brothers. I feel your pain. There was no time for work around the house, except on rain days.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 2:03PM
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Ha, thanks renov8r! I was hoping there would be a few fellow farm women on here who would sympathize :) Don't get me wrong, I know other kitchen projects have lasted much longer than mine, but each day without a sink has felt like an eternity with the littles around. I'm also waiting for him to install my old cabinet in the laundry room, which is going to store some odds n ends things. All those things are sitting in my dining room taunting me! Come on rain! :D

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 2:16PM
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I just convinced my husband (who is very handy, but also the world's worst (or is it best) procrastinator, to hire a handyman to finish the 30-odd items that are "handyman specials" rather than GC work -- such as hanging robe hooks and a couple of TVs. It's very freeing, because I know it'll all get done over a couple of days rather than a couple more months. I feel for you!!

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 2:17PM
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Oh my! I thought I had it rough with 4 kids, only one of which is that little. I can't imagine going through that with twin toddlers!

Maybe you should YouTube some videos on how to move water lines? I ended up doing mine because my Dad (the one who had the plumbing know how) was out of town and I was sick of being without water.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 2:22PM
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Texas_Gem, that may be my next step!

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 2:31PM
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There are some super-cool products out there now, that can make small plumbing jobs infinitely easier. I do extremely little plumbing work myself, but DH says that things like PEX tubing and Gator Bite connectors have revolutionized his life, lol!

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 3:37PM
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With twin toddlers and no kitchen sink, I would stop arguing with hubby and just pay a good plumber to come get the sink in ASAP. Some impasses need to be resolved with actions, not words. Hubby can do the dishwasher and other work when it rains.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 4:14PM
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I can't relate to the farm wife thing, but I have twins, so I'm in your camp on that one! I can't imagine doing a kitchen remodel with toddlers (or much of anything else, besides caring for them).

My sons are 19 now - hang in there, it does get easier! I thought 3 was more terrible than 2, and 4 was a real turning point, in terms of the boys being a lot more portable and flexible. We went on a 10-day trip when they were 4 that we would never have attempted at 3.

SJ, I'm the "handy-Ann" in our house - I install faucets, light fixtures, shelves, I build shelves (sometimes from scratch), paint. I've installed dishwashers twice in my house. Mostly I need DH for heavy lifting, like when we put in a new water heater for my parents. If I lived closer to you, I'd help you with all your little projects!

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 5:13PM
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Annkh, I wish we were neighbors! Thanks for your encouragement. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself but I keep saying it'll get easier one of these days!

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 5:18PM
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Yep, mine is all PEX, no having to sweat joints which was nice but BOY were my arms sore the next day from using the crimping tool.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 5:21PM
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Hire it done. He'll be mad for about 10 minutes, then he'll realize how glad he is you aren't nagging him anymore. Trust me on this, please.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 5:24PM
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I like Trebruchet's idea...but you could also tell him enthusiastically that you watched a youtube video about how to do it, and you're "pretty sure" you have it covered. Then distractedly ask him, "now which one is the wrench again?" Might just scare him into a late night install. :)

I can relate with the long hours, husband is in medical residency, so hes lucky to get meals in!

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 5:33PM
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Buy and use disposable plates, cups, bowls, utensils, etc.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 6:44PM
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My happiest day was when dh installed the sink and dishwasher temporarily. Unfortunately, it looks like it's going to STAY that way. Ugh. Cabinets are still being installed, no counters, no fronts, etc. I can't believe how much cooking I've done with my pantry items on the living room floor, using the dining table as a worktop, etc. There are tools everywhere and some days it's just maddening. Right now I should be cooking and I don't. feel. like. it. Is it happy hour yet?

You are in a tough place. You need that kitchen sink and dishwasher!

Along the lines of Jadie's comment, I've lit a fire under dh's behind a few times when I have enthusiastically embraced projects that he KNOWS he'd do a better job at than I would. Suddenly he is VERY motivated.

You know, it's never a good time to renovate. We've been in completely disarray since March 3. But who's counting?

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 8:18PM
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larecoltante Z6b NoVa

I just read your post to my DH who has never met a project he didn't want to DIY (except roofing). He said to hire the plumber, let your husband be mad for a bit, and make it up to him. ;-) Money well spent: you'll be happy, he'll be happy, and you'll get to enjoy the babies instead of washing dishes in the laundry.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 8:34PM
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My pep talk.........

ARE YOU NUTS?!?!?!??

LOL. Doing a kitchen with a contractor is bad enough...... having the stress of bringing your hubs into it..... pure insanity! And with twin toddlers? ARE YOU NUTS????

I think at this point I'd pack up the kids and move in with mom for a little bit. :). At the very least, I'd only be using paper plates.

    Bookmark   April 24, 2014 at 9:01PM
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This made me laugh so much! Thanks for the pep talk, magsnj! You'll all be pleased to know that I asked a handy friend to come install the sink and he did last night! I tried to pay him but he only wanted paid in straw bales, which we sell. I said DEAL! He had it installed in no time and now LIFE IS GOOD! I also hired a lawn mowing service to mow the yard, which is frustrating since we have a lawn mower in the garage. DH was reluctant but I think he's happy now that all that work is done. I reminded him that his list is pretty long yet. Fix the air conditioner in my car, put up a fence, install the dishwasher, fix the garage door, etc. etc. A man's work is never done, haha! Thanks again everyone!

    Bookmark   April 25, 2014 at 12:42PM
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Oh, good for you! I am so glad! yeah, the list is never ending. My counters went in yesterday, and DH and I were basking in the glow of satisfaction...then started talking about lighting changes....and swapping the sliders for French doors...and...and...I told him to go to bed, our house projects were getting more expensive and extensive every minute he was still up! lol

    Bookmark   April 25, 2014 at 1:01PM
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I feel your pain. When I want something done that I am not comfortable handling myself and DH is just too busy and uninterested in a job. I call around get some prices and then tell him I found a handyman that charges X amount to finish up the trim and hang that door. Do you mind if I call him to get it scheduled since your busy then we can just be done with it. Works every time if I have the price he can live with.

In the end he is glad to have it off his to do list and I am happy that its done. Some things are just worth paying for. Life is to short to let these thing stress you out.

    Bookmark   April 25, 2014 at 2:03PM
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I always marvel at mothers of multiples. When my guy was little, I was busy with him 24/7. I don't know how you do it. Hang tough, there, kiddo. It gets better. :)

    Bookmark   April 25, 2014 at 2:14PM
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