Buyers Remorse

valtorrezApril 27, 2013

When I decided to purchase my home, it was during the beginning half of recession. I am naturally a financially conservative person but this had me really wanting to buy a home that I could afford if my husband loss his job and still be able to save for a rainy day. I am an educated AA female who came from a poor environment. It has always been my mothers dream that I live in a nice home. Most of my friends and my mother's friends children have purchased homes that are more expensive than my home. My home is small, nice, and in a decent working class neighborhood. For the most part I am okay with my purchase, but sometimes I still wish I would have chosen to pay more and be in better location/bigger house. This goes against every grain in my body because I know doing this would have made us have to work long hours and put strain on savings. For me saving money for a rainy day is a most and my security blanket. I truly believe people should live in their means but sometimes I am jealous. I am not considering selling my home even though I know it is for the wrong reasons.

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I think you made a good decision. You bought what you felt you could afford. My suggestion is look at it and see how you could decorate/upgrade/ it, but remember you do not have the stress of if you can make payments or not. Also it could be that some of your friends or your mom's friends have problems you don't know anything about and they are masking them with objects. You probably have friends in your neighborhood that will be there for you if needed, but many time in upscale places they are only try to prove to each other how much do I have and you don't.
Good luck and try to be positive.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 11:49AM
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I meant to say I am considering selling my home and have been looking on this site for suggestions. I have decorated my home so beautifully and everyone that comes over says it looks like pictures in Better Homes and Garden. We have a nice yard with lots of flower beds that have poured my heart into and now proudly show off to everyone. My neighbors are also very nice. I think you right and I will look at positives and not envy others. My envy is why country is in crisis it is now, spending money foolishly d/t wants and not needs.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 12:00PM
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And many of the people who bought the more expensive homes may be in debt or putting all their money into their house. And if one person lost a job or their was any emergency then they would be very unhappy and in a bad position.

I sometimes read and re read the Millionaire Next Door to help with motivation on this kind of thing.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 12:25PM
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Needs and wants are too different things. We all want things we cannot afford. However, if you feel that you can sell your home and make a little profit on it from where you are now then do it. That is called upwardly mobile. But only do it if you can afford to move to another home and still afford to buy and decorate it to your liking. You can even buy a home and decorate it later when you have the money. That is what we did here. Otherwise, it sounds as if you have a lovely home for now and you should enjoy it! Some of the negatives to moving up, you may not have the same great neighbors and taxes usually increase for you in a better home as do other fees if the home is bigger (energy costs for instance). And you will probably have to restart a new garden, too. That could be a positive if it is something you truly enjoy. No one knows what you can really afford but you and your husband. The problem arises when someone buys a home they KNOW they cannot afford, but do it anyway thinking they will get more for it later. Those people risk losing everything they invested in a home when they do that. Many of us older folks started out in smaller homes and moved up. I am 60 years old. My hubby and I bought our first home when we were in our 20's. This is our third home and the largest. We were upwardly mobile according to our needs and to our income. We did not bite off more than we could chew at any time. We stayed put and remodeled this home instead. Right now we are trying to sell this home to build our forever dream home. We have been here almost 30 years. We would never have been able to afford the home we plan to build when we first started out. Of course, some of the things we put in it will depend on how much we get on this home when it sells. We have wants and needs for our dream home. We will sell this one BEFORE we build so we know how much of our wants we will be able to afford. The others will be deleted or considered for possible inclusion at a later date, if possible. We did not wish to break the bank at any time when we bought a home, including now. If you do decide to put your home on the market, be sure to sell it before you buy another so you know what you can afford to purchase next. If you have to you can always rent it back from the buyer until you find your next home.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 1:14PM
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It has always been my mothers dream that I live in a nice home. Most of my friends and my mother's friends children have purchased homes that are more expensive than my home. My home is small, nice, and in a decent working class neighborhood

There is a lot to be said for living modestly and below your means instead of trying to impress people with house size.

They may look at your pretty yard and comfortable little house and friendly neighborhood and think ... "why am I paying through the nose for this McMansion in a snooty neighborhood that I'd sell in a heartbeat except we're upside down on the mortgage and the market sucks."

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 1:21PM
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valtorrez here's my take on your situation; YOU are the one in the enviable position, but at this moment you are not recognizing that or allowing a feeling of satisfaction with your choices and life to sink in. We all have those moments, even people who 99% of the time are completely happy in their lives, sometimes let envy get the best of them. We are constantly bombarded with messages that we need more and more and more and although that's nothing new, a lot of us thought that when we eventually came out of the economic downturn, we would be forever changed and no longer be susceptible to those messages. HAH!!! Maybe we're a bit LESS susceptible, maybe we have learned to be satisfied with less and to take joy in not being owned by our mortgages, cars and taxes .....most of the time. But we're human and have short memories and gosh darn it, those high ceilings are SO pretty and I would LOVE a bigger TV and an outdoor kitchen would make summer entertaining so much easier...... and then I splash some cold water on my face and think about what all that would REALLY mean to how I live and it isn't pretty!!! Take a deep breath, walk around the garden you've worked so hard to make beautiful, relax in your comfiest chair and look around the home where you've created memories and a life and let the joy in your life sink in.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 2:18PM
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Thanks everyone for talking sense to me. When I reread what I wrote, I feel so silly. I know I made the best decision. Right now I am building a nest egg (I am anal about reading financial articles that say you should have 1 year of expenses saved up). If I sold my house right now, I would just come out even and will not make a profit. So I will wait, continue to increase my nest egg and be happy with my choices because the choices I made is the true me. I know if I purchased a home in a more expensive area I would constantly worry about money and the what if's. Also, my husband who is willing to do whatever I want has quietly told me he likes where we are and likes the fact that he does not have to worry about working long hours to make sure mortgage is paid. He has several friends who live in very nice homes who have to put in 75 plus hours a week to make ends meet. One friend purchased a home in the 300's (a nice home where we are from) several years ago and now cant afford to get a new car or get his car fixed after a recent car accident. He reminds me of this everytime the green eyed monster seeps into my heart.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 2:38PM
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"Also, my husband who is willing to do whatever I want has quietly told me he likes where we are and likes the fact that he does not have to worry about working long hours to make sure mortgage is paid. "

Well, then, that is good enough reason to appreciate what you have and not covet more!

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 3:30PM
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Think of it this way: If you really, really wanted to, you could go and buy a bigger house; but then, you'd be the slave of your house, you and your husband would have to work long hours, you'd worry, what if the furnace goes out, what if I wanted to have dinner out, get a new dress, or whatever?
You chose to live in a smaller house, so you don't have to deal with these worries and can enjoy your house and your husband's company.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 3:56PM
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House poor is the term I used to hear , and you are right--- that's the reason people got into trouble on a wholesale scale in thehousing market. The fact that you have a house payment and lifestyle that is secure puts you into an entirely different, elevated category of homeowner. Other people are envying YOU for having the foresight to make sure you have protected your future.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 4:38PM
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I admire you for being so sensible! It sounds like you have a great house and a great husband so you have a lot to be thankful for.

    Bookmark   April 27, 2013 at 7:38PM
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I don't know if you are 25 or 65, but I can tell you that you are on the right track to financial and emotional success based on what your core values are from what I read.

My former wife and I had a Mc Mansion when I was 26 years old. I nearly killed myself, literally (that's chapter 5 of my novel), trying to keep up with my inlaws and wifes expectations. 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, greatroom, dining room, living room, huge commercial kitchen, and all empty of a soul, A Cadillac, a Mercedes, custom made balloon curtains, inground pool, spa, and on and on and on, stuff, stuff and more stuff.
I hated that house because it wasn't a home. We, my future ex wife, and myself now live in a 1000 square foot cottage on Lake Erie. It's a basic steel sided box with 2 bedrooms. We have renovated the place and is a Better Homes and Gardens showroom inside the way my doll has done it to the nines. I can't count on how many places I have owned both here in Canada and in the States from Western NY to Arizona. This little box is the only place I look forward to coming home to, it's perfect for us and my wife being there when I get home makes everything perfect for me. All of my life long friends are trying to downsize now where I did it 13 years ago, and now envy me because my lawn maintenance fees aren't $300.00 a month like theirs.

There is a very big difference between a house and a home and because of my lady we have a home not a house.

I was only kidding about future ex wife, she's my savior and don't know what I would do without her.

You live for your husband children if you have any and yourself, the Jones' down the street are jealous because you are happy and they have 4 lonely bedrooms.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 6:33AM
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A feeling of financial security is a WAY better feeling than having an impressive house. You're on the right track. And just wait until you have your mortgage paid off (which will happen for you way before it happens for your friends). Nothing beats that!

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 9:36AM
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Val, don't forget the 'motto' of this forum, posted at the top every day:

"The best way to realize the pleasure of feeling rich is to live in a smaller house than your means would entitle you to have. - Edward Clarke"

Others have said it and I will chime in too: the peace and security of having a home that leaves you financially secure is truly priceless.

We bought our house when my son, now 24, was 6 months old. His younger sister came along a few years later and almost a quarter century down the road we are still here. It was and is a 3/2 that isn't a hovel or a mansion. What it was and is, is a very solid house in a very decent neighborhood. For years I fretted about how we didn't have this or that: the tiny bathrooms and lack of closets and not so nice kitchen were what I focused on.

But as time went by and we fixed up the house and especially now that we are looking at the next stage of life-retirement and relaxation-this house is the biggest blessing in our lives. We have put in so many of the 'fancies' I used to admire: hardwood floors and beautiful kitchen and bathrooms, and new windows and crown molding etc etc etc.

The space that once seemed a bit tight for 4 is now looking ample for 2 as my kids are moving along in their lives.

And most of all, the peace of mind that we have living in this home that is 100% paid for means that we can face uncertainty at work, or dream about retiring early in only a few years, with confidence. We don't have a huge debt hanging over us. We have no debt at all, the house has been long been paid off. In fact the carrying costs to keep this roof over our heads-tax/insurance-is lower than what you'd need to pay to rent a studio apartment in our area today. It means we have peace of mind and an ease in contemplating the future that really, truly cannot be measured in dollars.

So enjoy your house, make it just what you want it to be and then treasure it as your home and a place of respite for you and your partner.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 10:48AM
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FWIW ... Warren Buffet (yes, the really rich guy) still lives in the house he bought in the 1950s

He's had a few upgrades, but it's definitely not a McMansion, even though he could afford anything he wants. That's one reason he's rich ... low expenses.

    Bookmark   April 28, 2013 at 11:48AM
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Suzi AKA DesertDance Zone 9b

Valtorrez, you show so much wisdom! This is a great thread! A pastor once said something that rings in my head every time I feel the need to get what I want, but really don't need...

"You don't own anything that doesn't end up owning you."

Own the boat? Find out fast what a hole in the water it is. Own the lawn? Now you get to feed, water and mow it!

Life is much better when you have the money to enjoy what you own! Keep those good neighbors! One bad one can make your life miserable!

Good luck to you! You already know you made the right decision!


    Bookmark   April 29, 2013 at 12:09PM
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Hey desertdance, I own a boat and love my boat, we live on a lake, not having a boat here is like not owning a vehicle when you are rural and 25 miles from a grocery store, I actually use my boat to go grocery shopping, and I can fish on the way there, then I can cross of a few items on my list if I catch any.

Yes it takes money to run but that's my pride and joy outside of family, leave my boat be..........I own vehicles as well, costs a heck of a lot more to maintain, insure and pay for than my boat. Your handle is desertdance, I'm thinking one might not have use of a boat in the desert.

I think this is where I type, laugh out load!

    Bookmark   April 29, 2013 at 12:35PM
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"Live a few years of your life like most people won't, so that you can live the rest of your life like most people can't."

Hope that gives you some encouragement. :)

    Bookmark   May 1, 2013 at 4:31PM
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