This is a ranting contest...

ritaweedaJanuary 29, 2012

OK, I know that not everyone is truly excited about getting something hand-made. But my question is, what's the longest amount of time that you have experienced in getting any thanks, or even a word of "oh, by the way, I got the quilt you sent me"? I shouldn't be like this, most people gush with appreciation, but once in awhile ...GRRRRR!!!!! The worst part is, this last one I sent was real PURTY and I would have gladly KEPT it for my selfish self!!!

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nannykins

Obviously you are not selfish or you wouldn't be giving away quilts.
But yes, it does smart when your gift isn't acknowledged.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2012 at 5:16PM
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K8Orlando

I sent college dorm quilts to a niece and nephew in Sept. He called and raved about his. She has never said anything. I only know she received it because her dad told me its on her bed. According to him, she loves it but I have no idea. It does make me angry and its hurtful because I get so emotionally involved with each quilt I make. But I don't expect much from 18 year olds so I'm not shocked.

Kate

    Bookmark   January 29, 2012 at 6:25PM
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msmeow

My nephew got married at least 10 years ago, probably longer. I spent hours and hours making a hardanger table runner for them...never heard a word. I put it on the gift table at the reception and thought maybe something happened to it. A few months after the wedding I asked my brother (his dad) if he'd seen it. He said it was on their coffee table. So, I guess that was my thanks.

Donna

    Bookmark   January 29, 2012 at 7:16PM
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geezerfolks_SharonG_FL

You'd think anyone would respond if given a quilt you made just for them. If I don't hear from the recipient, I'm not embarrassed....just email and ask if they received it. If they still don't respond, I'll call them. Quilts have been known to disappear, you know.

SharonG/FL

    Bookmark   January 29, 2012 at 7:26PM
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karpet

I would say that I probably hear nothing from 50% of the recipients. (and it does go across age groups.) I've just grown accustomed to it, but it is always so nice when someone really appreciates a quilt and lets you know. I usually know that it was received via third parties.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2012 at 9:44PM
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nannykins

I just remembered something that really grated.
My husband belongs to a local charitable group which has a bazaar twice a year. He would ask if I could make something for them. So over the past several years, I have made baby blankets, aprons, place mats and runners. I don't think I ever got a personal TY. This past year I made 15 children's pillowcases. I found out that thank you notes were being sent to other people who had given knitted goods etc. But I did not get one word not even to say that they had sold well or not.
I always tell myself that all the work and materials are my contribution to the cause but I think I may be finished with that group.
End of rant!

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 12:27AM
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msmeow

Nannykins, I would definitely find a new charity outlet for my time and effort! Any charity that doesn't thank donors for every single thing they receive doesn't deserve to get donations (IMHO). I work for a church and I know the importance of taking the time to say "thank you."

Donna

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 9:12AM
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wanda_va

I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets upset about this! When my BFF's son and his wife had their first child, I made gifts--which were immediately acknowledged. (I know the son well because they lived across the street from me for many years.) When their second child was born in 2004, I made a beautiful quilt--never received a thank you in any way. I know they got the quilt because BFF took it to them.

Last year, the grandson of DH's brother and his wife welcomed his first child. (We know the grandson, but have never met the baby's mother.) I made a quilt for the baby and sent a check for $200, which SIL took to the shower (we could not go to the shower because they live several states away from us). A few months later, we received a thank you card--written on it was "Thank you for coming to the shower and sharing advice"!

It's obvious that a lot of people were not reared by my mother or anyone like her....

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 9:17AM
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lafonda_ranch

My kids ( 9 and 10 yr old) just finished doing their thank you notes for their Christmas gift. It was so hard to get them to finish. I told them if they didn't do them, I wouldn't allow the givers to give them anything next year! It's that important!

Robbi

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 9:36AM
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geezerfolks_SharonG_FL

Robbi, Good for you!

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 10:05AM
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karpet

It is awful for someone not to be thankful/grateful for a gift. With the thank-you notes I do get, they often are the generic type like what Wanda got. My kids are now grown, one is appreciative of things and the other is not. It bothers me a great deal with the latter one, but I'm hoping life will teach gratitude.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 10:36AM
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teresa_nc7

Gee, I feel very blessed - after making 8 quilts for my two college roommates' grandchildren, not only did I get thank you notes from the grandparents (my roommates) but notes from the parents as well as photos of the baby lying on my quilt.

Can't say the same for some folks here in the office that got a quilt for their new baby....so I stopped making them for the office folk.

Teresa

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 10:38AM
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benken

I gave three baby quilts last year for the first grandchildren of three longtime friends of mine. The first one seemed to love hers when she opened it and sent a beautiful thank-you note...she was so touched that a friend of her mother-in-law would make something so special for her. (her mom is a quilter so maybe she is just more aware!) The other two sent a note but they were very generic...."thank you for the shower gift...we appreciate it." Now the first young woman is expecting their second child this summer and she will be receiving another quilt for their new baby boy. So even though I know the other two got them, I could tell the quilts weren't really appreciated...and that's OK... but I won't be making any more for them.

Linda

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 1:45PM
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calliope

Yes..........as Karpet says, it does go across generations. However, I suspect the younger generation who hasn't a clue about acknowledging a gift are children of the older generation who didn't either. ;-)

I sent a grand a gift of money last year, because I would not be able to give it in person. I don't expect notes from my relatives, but they thank me in person which is fine by me. However, I wasn't so much concerned with a thank you as much as knowing the recipient actually received the money I tucked into a card in cash. I saw said g'child about a month later and confronted. The child (mid-teens) was embarrassed and I could see tears welling up. This is a curteous child but was clueless. I explained that I was upset not because I wasn't thanked, but because I worried that either it wasn't received or they didn't feel the gift was important enough to even let me know they got it. Teaching children empathy as they grow is important. It becomes more important as they become adults and not getting to that point could cause them difficulties later. Perhaps that was a parent's duty to do this, but as a grandparent, I will not abrgoate that responsibility as one of my duties either.

And yes......as a business owner I was approached numerous times a year by people asking for charitible donations of merchandise for their fund raising. The very last group to whom I donated a rather generous item failed to acknowledge it. They acknowledged an item of lesser value I gave but not the big ticket gift. It made me wonder if the item ever made it to the fund raiser.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 1:53PM
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dan_the_mailman

I think the best thanks I ever received resulted from giving a baby blanket and handmade stuffed bear to a couple friends of mine when their baby boy was born. They thanked me profusely, and this past year I received photos of the bear sitting on the shelf above his bed, and the blanket neatly folded on the bed, still in use. Caleb is now 14 years old, and he says he likes to keep those around him at night because they're from "Uncle Dan".

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 2:34PM
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rosajoe_gw

I agree with the about 50% rate, and all age levels. The one that bothered me the most was DH's GD from his previous marriage.

We received an invitation to a baby shower in another state. I worked very hard to make a pretty baby quilt and get in the mail in time for the shower. I honestly dropped everything and worked long hours to finish it in time.

We not only did not get a thank you, we did not receive an announcement about the birth.

I am OK with receiving a verbal thanks!! I make every effort to thank our blood donors and I have the volunteers sign a thank you card that I personally send to the sponsor for the drive. I also put a thank you ad in our newspaper.

I takes so little time to send a note but people don't as much as they used to. And don't even get me started about the showers requesting a gift card lol!!!!
Rosa

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 4:33PM
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nannykins

I have received some nice thank you cards and notes from strangers, for their chemo quilts. Now that makes it worthwhile.
Theresa

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 4:41PM
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minnie_tx

Just like holiday or birthdy checks they dont say thanks or respond? They don't get anymore !!

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 5:11PM
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msmeow

Dan, I also have a good story to share. I made a baby quilt for a friend at church when her son was born. He's now a senior in high school. My friend said she was in his room recently and the quilt I made was on his bed. It was really nice to hear!

Donna

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 7:49PM
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loisflan

Dan, tears welled up in my eyes when I read your post about Caleb. I guess that's what we all hope for when we make quilts - that the recipients cherish them for years. I'm of an age where I hope they will treasure them after I'm gone. It's comforting to know that a quilt you've made will provide warmth long after you've gone to the LQS in the sky.

    Bookmark   January 30, 2012 at 7:59PM
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ritaweeda

Although reading all of these is like getting a big group hug, it's also made me realize that it's better to focus on the good reactions rather than the bad. I've had many touching responses to my gifts along with the few bad, so instead of ranting I should be feeling blessed. Just the human side of me creeping out! Thanks for the commiserations!

    Bookmark   January 31, 2012 at 7:04AM
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teresa_nc7

I know that most of us here make our quilts and give them away with love and best wishes for the recipient. We don't make quilts to win prizes or have people shower us with thanks and appreciation - because most of us are just to practical to think that will happen. We make quilts because we like to make quilts. We give them away with the hope that they will bring color, comfort and warmth to the recipient. Years ago I decided that once I had given away a quilt I had made, it was gone and out of my hands. And I couldn't let its use or misuse upset me.

just my opinion
Teresa

    Bookmark   January 31, 2012 at 8:55AM
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calliope

I feel the same way. Gifts are no strings attached. This isn't the issue I'm seeing in this post. Several have mentioned that they know the recipients are proudly using and displaying their work. And one could get a quilt, and promptly pack it away or donate it to a charity but still have taken the time to acknowledge its receipt. It's about the acknowledgement of even receiving a gift. Not to is just as rude now as it was when I was a kid. There isn't much of an excuse to justify a lack of courtesy, it never goes out of style.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2012 at 9:27AM
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mary_c_gw

It absolutely is about the acknowledgement - if one has received a gift, a "thank you" is in order.

I give gifts freely, hoping the recipient will enjoy them, and if they choose to toss or donate them, well, OK.

But I am selfish enough to want the acknowledgement, and I see nothing wrong with feeling hurt if you don't get one. Frankly, if I don't get at least a rudimentary one, no more gifts of any kind will be coming their way. Rude is rude, and courtesy is essential.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2012 at 2:53PM
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tuppermom

I have made quillows or quilts for all of my siblings children and grandchildren with the exception of one...her mother is a quilter so had to do something else. I have only received thank yous from the parent not the recipient and find that quite annoying as well as the way things seem to go these days. We were not raised that way so not sure how they came to be that way. So many of the younger generation are indulged and therefore feel entitled. If they are entitled then there is no need for a thank you in their minds. My youngest sister is expecting another grandchild this year and has already mentioned a quilt. Not sure if I will make one.

Mary

    Bookmark   January 31, 2012 at 4:52PM
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calliope

I have no problem talking honesty, but kindly to my grandchildren and also my adult nieces and nephews. I consider it a kindness to tell them that acknowledgements are expected. It can take them farther in this world if they have those skills, and other people are going to be less likely to cut them the slack their family does. Being a crone doesn't hurt, either. I can get away with it. LOL.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2012 at 5:47PM
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nanajayne

I have hesitated posting to this because I find my reward in the making and giving. Once it leaves my care it is someone else's responsibility. Teresa took the words out of my mouth so decide at least there are others that think as I do.
I do agree that is it important to know that something sent via the mail has arrived and would hope there were enough good manners still available to respond to that.But there again, I already have enough gray hairs.

    Bookmark   February 1, 2012 at 3:17PM
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faytay

I liken this situation with living up here in the north. If we didn't have winter, we wouldn't appreciate summer so much. (I know there are plenty of arguments that living in warmth for 12 months a year has it's benefits, but I'm trying to see the glass half full,, haha)

Anyway, the recipients who are truly grateful and express it freely are so much more appreciated because there is always that very good chance you won't hear a word.

That's how I feel, anyway.

Faye

    Bookmark   February 1, 2012 at 7:49PM
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