my mom

bkfdwifeJuly 10, 2007

It dawned on me this morning that some of my friends might not have seen my post elsewhere. Dearest friends, my mom is dying. Like, soon. Doctor said "weeks" We had to call ambulance Sat as she couldn't move her legs. After a few tests they determined that she has cancer. Advanced...end stage. Apparently when she was in the hospital 3 years ago they found lung cancer. Her choice was no treatment and not to tell anyone. It has spread throughout her body now and into her brain. The brain tumor is the size of a golf ball, on the frontal lobe and affects her as a stroke patient would be affected. She really isn't with us, she's off in some happy place within herself. For that we can be very grateful. This tumor is blocking her sense of pain and discomfort, along with speech and motor skills. It is so painful to sit with her, she just sleeps now, doc says this is normal. She has an advanced directive for pain management only, she will start recieving hospice services today. The doctor will keep her in the hospital as long as she can, from there she will go to a care facility.

Anyway, sorry I didn't post earlier, I've been a bit preoccupied. Please pray for Jayme, she's having a real hard time with this, hoping mom holds on long enough to at least see her great gramma.

Thank you

Lisa

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gerizone5

So sorry Lisa, it's so very hard to lose your Mom. Will be thinking of you all.

Geri

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 9:52AM
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msmeow

(((((Oh, Lisa!)))))

Donna

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 10:01AM
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wanda_va

My prayers are with you and your family. It's so hard to watch loved ones suffer, with no chance of recovery. It must be a relief to know that she is not in pain, and I hope the end is peaceful for you all. We are here for you. Hugs!

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 10:09AM
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jennifer_in_va

Oh, Lisa. I knew you were caring for her and that alone was tough. This is very sad, and hard to handle knowing your mom kept it from your for so long. I'm glad she is not in pain...and that 'happy place insider herself' may include Belle already! They may be meeting in that 'time space' and talking about you & Jayme!!

Since Jayme is full-term, has she & her doctor considered inducing her so that Belle can meet great grammy?

Hang tough. We're here with shoulders as you handle this change in life...take care of yourself!!

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 10:34AM
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hayden2239

Lisa, you and your family have my prayers. I am so sorry that you are going thru this.
I lost my mom in 1995. Its a very tough time.
Hang in there.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 10:41AM
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mayme

Lisa, I'm so sorry about your Mom. Take care of yourself
as Jayme is going to need you too. Hope that Belle arrives
soon. Hugs to you and your family.
Mayme

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 11:04AM
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geezerfolks_SharonG_FL

I'm sorry, Lisa. You and your family are in my prayers.

SharonG/FL

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 12:24PM
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polardreams

Lisa,
I am so sorry to hear about your mom. Hang in there - I will add her and your family to my prayer list.
It is so hard to lose a parent, just know that we are here for you.
Sue

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 1:13PM
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rosajoe_gw

Lisa,
DH and I both volunteer for Hospice. It is a wonderful organization and offers grief counseling for 13 months if the the family needs it.
I know I will.
God bless you and yours.
Rosa

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 1:33PM
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fatquarters

Oh Lisa. How is it that these things happen. When we were expecting our 1st DGS we lost a parent. We were so upset that this happened but told ourselves that it was the circle of life.. When one person isn't going to be there to care for and love another takes thier place. I am so sad that your mother is sick and so happy that Belle will soon be in your life. I pray thay Belles arrival can be a wonderful experience for you and that you will for a time not be torn between responsiblities. Thinking of you.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 2:19PM
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redpenny

Thinking of you! Hang in there!

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 2:28PM
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lizzy3_27

Lisa, You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Liz

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 2:52PM
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new2quilting

Lisa, it is something that new life is coming as another is ending. My dad died almost exactly a year ago and it's a tough thing to lose a parent, and the waiting for the end is especially stressful knowing there's nothing you can do but wait. You are in my thoughts. --Amy

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 2:56PM
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stashie

Lisa,
I don't think I could have made it through my mother's death without Hospice. They are the most wonderful people, and are a God send.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers

Stashie

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 3:17PM
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irishdancersgram

Lisa, So sorry to hear about your Mother...I lost mine in 1999 and it is very hard...Thank goodness you have Hospice and of course your daughter.....Prayers and good thoughts are headed your way....
Dorothy

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 3:38PM
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Kathy_TX

Lisa, you and your family are in my prayers. It is so hard losing a parent.

((((((((((((((Lisa))))))))))))))))

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 4:17PM
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benken

Oh, Lisa, what a time of joy and sorrow. All the more reason for little Belle to to make her appearance and comfort you all. I'll be praying for your family in the days to come.

Linda

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 4:21PM
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faytay

How often life and death walk hand in hand. My nephew passed away earlier this year and a few months later his brother announces he and his wife are expecting twins. It is such a comfort for my DSL.

Lisa, you know you can find support here. I just wish we were all closer so we could make soup.

Be strong
Faye

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 5:20PM
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nana24

Lisa,
My heart goes out to you and I pray you will have a peace that will carry you throught this time.

Sally

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 5:39PM
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dmsgal

My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I know that Belle will bring great joy to your family at this time.. mary in va

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 5:49PM
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marti8a

I'm so sorry to hear this Lisa. My heart breaks for your family.

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 6:00PM
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lindaoh_gw

Lisa, I'm so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Linda OH

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 6:17PM
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lots2do

Dear Lisa,
I am so, so sorry to hear about this development. What a hard thing to face while you are also facing such a happy event. I hope that you have lots of support near by and please know that we are all thinking of you and your family long distance.
You are in my thoughts and prayers,
Kelly - NH

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 6:41PM
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juttz

Lisa, my heart is going out to you...I lost my mom last year in January and it was the most devistating thing that could ever had happen to me...I pray that you and your family have the strength to get through this and blessed be to God that shs isnt in pain...
I keep thinking about how my mom died in her sleep and I think it is the best way to go but for the living it was aweful..now in your case you at least are able to talk to her even if she isnt aware...again, I send you all my prayers and thoughts...Judy

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 7:02PM
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allycaz9

Sorry to hear of the news of your mother. I've been thru this also so understand the heartbreak - still miss her, but as someone said, it's the circle of life. God bless you thru this trying time.
Allie

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 7:34PM
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minnie_tx

Sorry to hear about Mom I wish I had Hugged mine more than I did!

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 8:11PM
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bonica

She's a very lucky woman to have you there to hold her hand while she drifts away.
Stay close Lisa.
((((((((((((for you and yours))))))))))))))))
Bon
:)

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 8:18PM
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teresa_nc7

I'm so very sorry to hear of your mom's condition, Lisa. I can only guess what this is like to go through. My hugs and prayers are with you and your family.

Teresa

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 8:21PM
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bkfdwife

Thank you all so very much. You have no idea what it means to me and my family. I talked with the doctor tonight and she is recommending that mom have someone with her all the time, as mom is afraid of being alone. We meet with hospice tomorrow at 4, I really hope they will help with that, as if not it will be mostly up to me, brother and sister can only get so much time off work...
I'll keep you updated..thanks again!
Lisa

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 8:25PM
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Woodsy

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Woodsy

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 8:39PM
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csackett

Lisa,
You are all in my prayers.
Carolyn

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 9:27PM
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janice__indiana5

Lisa, How well I feel your pain. Having recently lost my
mom, I know full well what you're going through. Hang in there. It's not easy, losing your Mom. Being a former Hospice nurse I'm somewhat prejudiced, but Hospice is wonderful. They will help you get through this.
Be sure and take good care of yourself. Try to get good rest, and eat a balanced diet. Your full plate seems to be over flowing. The new baby will help.

(((HUGS)))
Janice

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 10:22PM
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grammyp

I am so sorry Lisa. Please take care of yourself and give Jayme a hug.

beverly

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 10:26PM
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mary_c_gw

Lisa,
I've been away for a day or two, so am just now reading this. I'm so terribly sorry.

My father went in much the same way about 8 years ago, and as hard as it was to let him go, it was wonderful to have hospice care for him. They were beyond wonderful.

I feel terrible for Jayme. The cycle of life and death is natural and expected, but sometimes it just slaps us across the face, doesn't it.

I will keep my candle lit for your mother and for your family.

Hugs to you all,

Mary

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 10:33PM
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merrymaryp

Lisa,
I'm so sorry you are going through this now. Hospice was really great when we lost my dad and I hope they will be for you too. Keeping you in my thoughts.
Maryp

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 11:01PM
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biwako_of_abi

I'm so sorry to hear that, Lisa. Your mother made a choice that probably your family wishes she didn't, but I can understand. My favorite cousin did the same thing: got breast cancer and didn't tell the family for as long as she could hide it. She did try to cure herself with herbs and the like, just relying on things she read, and it was awfully hard for the rest of us because once we knew, we wanted to persuade her to get treatment, but even mentioning doctors or hospitals got her terribly upset. In the end, we had to let her do it "her way." We comforted ourselves with the thought that at least she had more peace of mind, being in control.

My mother, who did have the usual cancer treatments, died two years later (21 years ago next month), also from breast cancer. I was her sole caregiver for the last 3 weeks. It was one of the hardest things I ever did. My mother was afraid of being alone, too. I really feel for what you are going through.

They say that even when people are unconscious, they may be able to hear what you say, so you might find some relief in talking to your mother about the coming baby and reassuring her that the family is going to be all right. She sounds like a strong woman.

It's wonderful that your mother isn't suffering; and, having had a friend who died in a hospice, I know how absolutely marvelous they are with pain management and everything else that goes on in this sort of situation. I'm sure they will help with your pain, not just take care of your mother.

Warm hugs!
Jan

    Bookmark   July 10, 2007 at 11:30PM
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kathi_mdgd

((((((((((((((((((((((((LISA)))))))))))))))))))))))

Keeping you all in prayer.
Kathi

    Bookmark   July 11, 2007 at 12:23AM
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laurainsdca

I am so deeply sorry to hear this. You will find that the people who work for hospice are truly angels. I can't say enough good about them.

I'll be thinking of you and praying for your family through this tough time. It is a blessing to hear that your mom is not suffering at least. So very sorry you have to go through this though.

    Bookmark   July 11, 2007 at 2:11AM
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Islay_Corbel

Oh, Lisa. Sometimes it's so hard to understand why people make the choices they do... Having lost my Mum last August, I can feel for you. It's going to be hard for you and Jayme but perhaps your Mum's spirit will go on in her great-granddaughter - what a great legacy.
Do you know, I'm sure that my Mum had something to do with both her granddaughters having babies this year!
((((((Lisa))))))

    Bookmark   July 11, 2007 at 3:03AM
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kelly4905

Lisa, so very sorry to hear about your mom. What a difficult time for all of you.

Kelly (Nebraska)

    Bookmark   July 11, 2007 at 8:35AM
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easystitches

Lisa, I am so sorry for you and your family.It must be so hard not to be able to hear her voice now when you want that so badly, but probably better this way with no pain. She will always be with you & when you think the pain is unbareable Belle will smile her smile or you will remember something your Mom did that you thought you had long orgetten. All those little momments help to ease our grief. Be comforted by those who love you & share your sadness, Jill

    Bookmark   July 11, 2007 at 7:59PM
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bkfdwife

Not too much new to report. We hope to move mom to a care facility tomorrow where Hospice care will begin. She was pretty alert this afternoon, but still confused at times and having a hard time vocalizing her thoughts. She understands the cancer, the outcome, and that I cannot take care of her at home. I can now relax a bit and be the grieving daughter instead of the caregiver. I have taken care of all the issues of being a POA, so once she is settled in things may calm down a bit. She does have a fever tonight, so not sure what is going on there. The hospice nurse explained she is very susectible to pnuemonia, and that is very much what could take her.
On another note, Jayme had another false alarm tonight........looking more and more like inducement this week, she will find out tomorrow! Luckily the facility where mom is going is 1/2 mile away from the hospital!
Thank you for all your good thoughts and prayers...
Lisa

    Bookmark   July 11, 2007 at 11:13PM
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grammyp

Lisa, Hospice is really great. They will stay 24/7 if needed and all the nurses I have worked with are just fantastic with the family and the patient. You and your family remain in my prayers.

beverly

    Bookmark   July 11, 2007 at 11:23PM
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dian57

Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear of your mom's condition. We're never really ready to lose a parent, no matter how long or terrible the illness. The best thing you can do is talk to her, even if she loses consciousness. Tell her everything on your mind, assure her the family will remain close and that she was a great mother.

Toward the end, some people need to hear these assurances in order to relax and let go. Many also start looking or reaching upwards. There is a certain look in their eyes. I believe they are seeing passed relatives who have come to take them over.

Take care of yourself and let Hospice take care of mom. A comfortable and dignified death is your last gift to a wonderful woman, be brave.

I'm sending you a big hug,
Dianne

    Bookmark   July 12, 2007 at 6:28AM
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sew_self-taught

(((((Lisa))))), I have been thinking of you and wishing you werenÂt going through this difficult time. Such sorrow and expectant joy coming to you at the same time. I wish you comfort and strength in the days ahead.

Nina

    Bookmark   July 12, 2007 at 12:42PM
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bkfdwife

baby news! Jayme is admitted to the hospital, they will be inducing as soon as they get blood test results!
Lisa

    Bookmark   July 12, 2007 at 1:30PM
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glassquilt

Oh I hope Jamie and the baby are home in time to visit you Mom one more time. My cousin was able to get one last picture with her mother, son & grandson. She treasures it.

    Bookmark   July 12, 2007 at 2:17PM
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coalaska

Oh, Lisa. So much emotion at once. I'm sorry to hear about your mom, and for what you are dealing with.

Hooray for Jayme and Belle!

Lisa, you are in my thoughts and prayers, for strength, peace, comfort, guidance...

Cheryl

    Bookmark   July 12, 2007 at 5:47PM
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lots2do

Hi Lisa,
I know that this is a terribly hard time that you are going through and bittersweet with the baby coming and all. But I wanted to wish you a happy anniversary and hope you have a little quiet time with your DH sometime soon.
Take care,
Kelly

    Bookmark   July 13, 2007 at 7:56AM
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bkfdwife

No baby yet. They have sent Jayme home and will try again on Monday. Mom is settled into a facility where she is getting comfort care and is quite content.
Thanks for asking!
Lisa

    Bookmark   July 14, 2007 at 9:26AM
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stitches

Lisa, So sorry to hear about your Mom. It must be very hard for you with all the emotions. It sounds like your Mom was trying to spare you and your family from making some very hard decisions with her directives. She loves you very much just as you love your DD and soon to be DGD. The circle of life goes on and your memories of your Mother can be shared with your DGD in the years to come. Take care.

    Bookmark   July 14, 2007 at 9:52AM
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