Phew-I have the blues...

lots2doJanuary 29, 2007


Well, I have been in a slump lately. Haven't posted on the forum much, haven't worked on any of my projects... I went to my Mom's house on Saturday to clear out her clothing. Cranked up the radio and just got going on it. It seemed all very productive while I was in the middle of it but when I went out to pick up some lunch, I lost it. I keep thinking of all we have to do up there and then I look around this house and see our clutter!

Had words with a close family member yesterday, took a long (satisfying) walk and then smoothed things over when I returned. It may sound naive but I had no idea that the grieving process would just go on and on.

Seems like I am in better shape when I am working than the weekends when I have more time to think.

Well, have to get ready for work now. Thanks for listening. I do feel like a whiny baby a little bit but there is no denying feelings.

Take care,

Kelly (NH)

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Kelly, Feel free to whine all you want! Yes, grieving does take awhile and longer for some than others, but that's ok. Plus, it's that time of year when it seems that depression naturally sets in. The big rush of the Nov thru Dec holidays are over, the decorations put away and cabin fever sets in.

This is the time of year I always buy new dish towels and would put the Springiest tablecloth on the kitchen table that I had....that was when I used a tablecloth. You'd be surprised how those dish towels raise my spirits! Get some really pretty ones!!!


    Bookmark   January 29, 2007 at 9:17AM
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((((Kelly)))) I lost my Mother when I was 32, and I know there is no rushing the grief process. Take your time sorting through things and doing what all you need to do! Is there a sibling or other family member who can help you? You have been so supportive of me in the past, I just wish I could help you somehow. Your loss is still pretty fresh, but it will get less painful. - Sharon

    Bookmark   January 29, 2007 at 10:01AM
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I'll join you in feeling down & blue. I finished doing the inventory last week Sunday, Jan 21st. While I was busy working on it I felt OK but now I just feel yucky. My get up & go, got up & went. It's all swirling around in my head. Things that were important don't seem to matter anymore. Lost my house, my dog, my girlfriend and family mementos. I want to lash out at somebody or something but I know that wouldn't solve anything. I'd like to go chop wood or do something strenuous that doesn't require thinking. We might get some snow then I could shovel.

Just found out that the electric bill and gas bill for the restoration is in our name, we have to pay it and submit it to the insurance company. I had my bill canceled the day after the fire. Somebody could have told us that. No, we got an unexpected bill for $77 for an empty unlived in house on Saturday. It didn't help that ComEd was closed. Oh, well. Think I'll go eat some chocolate.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2007 at 10:38AM
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I lost my dad 3 years ago after a really short illness when he was just 58. I had a really tough time of it and I think it took a long time for me to feel "normal" again. I undertand what you mean when you say you are better when you are busy at work. After my dad died, I couldn't drive anywhere alone without crying, it was just the down time when I couldn't help but think too much.

One woman at my church told me to be gentle with myself, write down the good memories and that the grieving process was exhausting, which I found to be true. It truly was exhausting. Everybody gets through in his/her own way. Don't apologize for your feelings, they are what they are. Take care of yourself.


    Bookmark   January 29, 2007 at 1:12PM
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*hugs for Kelly*

Feel free to rant and rave. We're here to listen. Besides, when YOU rant and rave, my problems seem little, so continue to do so!

~ Kit

    Bookmark   January 29, 2007 at 9:37PM
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It really does takes a while. When my mother was dying, I made a scrapbook picture album of the good times in her life. I was just looking at it again the other day. She died two years ago just after Christmas. God bless -- you're in my thoughts.


    Bookmark   January 30, 2007 at 4:59AM
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My heart goes out to you. My father passed away very unexpectedly almost 8 years ago. My oldest son wasn't even a year old yet. My father and I had only seen each other twice since I was eighteen. He died a few days after my 22 birthday. I had seen him a month before that, and we were mending the bridges and he wanted to get to know me and my son again. I was happy for that. Then I got the call that he had heart attack and died, just like that my world fell apart. I think more than anything I was mad. My father was an alcoholic and a drug attack and very abusive, which was why I didn't have contact with him. When we talked the month before his death, I told him he couldn't be a part of our lives if he continued with the drugs and alcohol. Three days later I saw him again, he had the shakes and looked pretty bad, but was the happiest I ever saw him. He had gone cold turkey cause he wanted to be a part of Hunter's life. After he died I found out he really had stayed clean. He was trying and I was so mad at god and everyone for taking him away. I had wished for ever it seemed that he would clean up and be there for me. He tried.

At the time I lived in Phoenix and he lived in Oklahoma. My husband and I traveled home to take of all the arrangements and close up the house. That was very difficult for me. My husband kept saying lets walk thru here and tell me what you want so we can pack it up. He would be right in the middle of talking to me and I would just walk out. It was so painful for me to be in the house. I regret now not paying more attention then. Most of the stuff in the house was just given away. My aunts and uncles handled most of it. I did tell my DH a few things I knew I wanted but I didn't really go thru anything. He was sweet and put away things he thought I might want anyway. And the rest I told them do what you want with, then tear the house down. And that's what they did. My uncle had someone come in and salvage what was still usable from the house, then it was torn down. It was very old and really not inhabitable anymore. So that was for the best. Then I sold the land, it was just to painful for me to even think about rebuilding and living on some day. I regret that too, it was a rash decision made while still greiving.

It's been almost 8 years now and I still have times when I see my kids playing or hear a song about a father and daughter that I cry and get angry that I can't have him here. I feel sad that we missed out on so much and that he isn't here to see my boys and they will never get to know him. He wasn't the greatest dad and he struggled with his addictions all my life, but he was mine and he loved me.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it's hard and it sucks. Life isn't always fair, but it does get better. The pain is always there, it does get easier to live with. It becomes bearable and eventually it may even go away. But it makes us stronger, and helps us to remember that we were loved and that we loved deeply. And hopefully that love is something you can pass on to someone else. This may not be comforting and actually sounds kinda creepy when you say it out loud, but if we did out jobs right when its our time, because we loved so well those we leave behind will feel that same pain we did and overcome it to share that love with someone else. Take comfort in knowing that you were loved well and that's why you are greiving so and that it is normal and human and someday you can pass on that love you were so greatly given.


    Bookmark   January 30, 2007 at 9:44AM
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Well said, Amy!

    Bookmark   January 30, 2007 at 10:41AM
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((Hugs)) for Kelly and Glassquilt! Glass, you're grieving, too. You've both been in my thoughts a lot lately.


    Bookmark   January 30, 2007 at 4:32PM
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I'd like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart. Your words of support mean so much to me. Amy-you brought tears to my eyes. My Mom, too, had issues and the last few years have been so tough. I never knew when her mood would shift and I would be about to get blasted. It now seems as if she was in the middle of a severe depression (in addition to her pain). More and more I am discovering ways that she hid the fact that she really needed help and wouldn't (or couldn't) ask for it. And the way things were, she wouldn't have asked me (even though I would have been happy to do what I could). I am feeling some anger and deep sadness at what she is going to miss and at what 'could have been'. I know that she made her own choices but what a sad thing - what a waste.

When our son was about 7 we had a charcoal portrait done of him at a craft fair and gave it to my mother as a gift. For years she had it in her bedroom on one of her bureaus. On the day that I picked out her clothes for the funeral director my husband and son were in the house with me as I opened the closet doors etc. Two weeks later as we were preparing to go to her house to make furniture decisions with my brother, my son said, "I'd like to have my picture back. Grammy had stuck it up on the top shelf of her closet." I was surprised by this comment and asked him how he knew that and he told me when he saw it. Oh, my heart aches for him. I have tried to explain things to him (he is a teenager now) but I don't know if I am saying the right things.

Well, you have all helped me again and I do appreciate it. And Glass, I wish I could help you out or at least visit and eat lots of chocolate with you!

Take care,
Kelly (NH)

    Bookmark   January 31, 2007 at 7:34PM
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