Puppy, Boyfriend, and Bedroom Help

smig26December 30, 2009

I hope this is not inappropriate to put here, but I really need some help.

I have a four, almost five, month old puppy and everything seems to be going okay until it comes to the bedroom.

My boyfriend did not want her in the room when he is trying to be intimate with me. I certainly did not want her on the bed during, but to me the floor was fine. She used to be on the floor and play with a toy or bone, or sleep, but lately she does not remain entertained or sleep. She will put her paws up on the side of the bed and bark and bark and bark. It pretty much brings an end to the moment. I am reaching out for help, because I think my boyfriend is about to reach his limit. I got her at 10 weeks and this has been a continuous issue.

We have tried leaving her in the living room with the bedroom door closed, but then she scratches at the door so bad I'm afraid it's going to get ruined and I'm renting. We have also tried putting her in her cage during and that is still rather distracting, because she gets very hyped up and barks and barks and barks. My place is small, so this is still very much a distraction. I also don't want to disturb my neighbors with her barking.

She does go into her cage when I leave the apartment and does not bark or anything then, but she also understands that I am leaving. I have thought about putting her in her cage and then pretending to leave, but my small place only has one entrance so she will ultimately know I am there, so I do not think it will work.

In addition, I have had multiple conversations with my boyfriend and he thinks anything that takes this much work is taking away from the whole moment from the very beginning. I see his point, but I also think some compromising needs to be done on his part due to her age.

I really don't know what else to try. Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. I do not want to lose my relationship or the dog.

Thank you in advance!

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I would get rid of the boyfriend...but thats just me personally.

It sounds like your pup needs a bit more training. My dog is generally allowed up on the bed....except when hubby and I get intimate...then off the bed she goes...we have not really had a problem with her. A few times in the beginning she would interrupt, but hubby and I usually ended up laughing about it...it did not make either one of us mad because we understood that she had no idea what was going on. We pushed her away and told her to stay and after a few times she listened...now she just stays in the other room.

    Bookmark   December 30, 2009 at 4:17PM
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I was LOL when I read your post earlier today. If your boyfriend is bothered by a puppy interrupting your intimate moments, don't even think about having a baby down the road. You'll wonder what the word intimate even means for the first six months.

Beats one little dog I got from the animal shelter. He jumped up into bed with my husband and when I went to get in, he snarled at me and then bit my husband. rofl. BTW he ended up being a fine fellow once he settled in. I have no solutions to your problem.

    Bookmark   December 30, 2009 at 6:54PM
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She needs more training so that she stays away from the bed when you tell her to and you should try putting her in the crate for short periods during the day while you're home (she'll learn it's OK to be in it when you're around).
Is she getting enough exercise every day?

What size dog is she, and what breed?

    Bookmark   December 30, 2009 at 7:51PM
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Ohhhhh this is soooooo easy. Everyday, take your dog out before you settle in for the night or before you want to get some luvins... Take your dog for a good long run, and then take the pup to a local dog park so it can play with other dogs.
Your little one will be too tired to care what you are doing.

    Bookmark   December 30, 2009 at 8:06PM
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yeah but mazer, after all that, SHE won't have the energy to, well, YOU know! ;)

    Bookmark   December 30, 2009 at 8:44PM
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THAT, my friend, is what the boyfriend is for!!!
Or she can pay a neighborhood kid to go walk the dog while the owner is home playing

    Bookmark   December 30, 2009 at 10:11PM
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LOL! ok, soooo...she hires a neighborhood kid and tells him what...take this dog for a long walk, we need to paint the ceiling? we're playing checkers? we're writing the great american novel? :O

sorry, OP, just couldn't resist. i do hope you find a solution!

    Bookmark   December 31, 2009 at 6:13AM
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Any time a boyfriend or husband has insisted that I choose between him & something else that I love, I've found that when I've chosen him, it's been a mistake.

& the fact that he thinks that a living being that you love is "too much work" raises big red flags.

    Bookmark   December 31, 2009 at 1:48PM
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I agree with sylviatexas. I think he will continue to tell you what you can and cannot love, have, whatever you want to fill the blank with. I understand how he feels, that you are putting the dog before him, but he has to realize the dog is just a baby.
Dee in Michigan

    Bookmark   December 31, 2009 at 4:01PM
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She does not have to tell the neighborhood boy or anyone else anything for that matter.
And as far as the last two posts go, man you guy are a tough crowd. She did not say ANYTHING about the BF not wanting the dog, or having to choose between them, she is saying she and the BF would rather not have an audience. As far as that goes, Im with her 100 percent. I wish her the best of luck, a Happy New Year, and hope she is able to work out what she needs as far as her concerns go.

    Bookmark   December 31, 2009 at 9:21PM
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Ok, then put her in a crate OUTSIDE the bedroom.

She also needs to learn down, stay, and shut up.

BTW, I have 5 dogs in the bedroom, one in a crate, one who normally sleeps on our bed but has to get off the bed when we "paint the ceiling", and the rest have their own beds on the floor. They are not allowed to react in any way. Reactors are given a down and stay command. If they continue to act up, we make them leave the bedroom. They are not allowed to scratch at the doors.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2010 at 9:20PM
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Ditto to what others here have said....ditch the boyfriend. The problem is with 'him' and not the puppy. Any man who requires THAT much attention and 'focus' and feels intimidated/distracted/disturbed by a puppy - that speaks volumes for his own issues. I guarantee you, his next request will be, "If you REALLY loved me, you'd get rid of your dog....".

I had a boyfriend (now, thankfully, an EX-boyfriend) who was the same way with my cat (a kitten at the time). It turns out he was emotionally needier than a kitten.

Secure men don't feel like they are competing with your pets nor do they make childish demands such as requesting you remove your pet from it's home.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2010 at 2:13PM
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Can you sneak away from the dog? If I turn off the tv and leave the living room, my dogs will wake up and follow me. If I leave the tv on and just disappear, they don't seem to notice (just close the door very quietly).

    Bookmark   January 2, 2010 at 4:17PM
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Naomi Miller

Well, I have to say I agree with the suggestions to examine the boyfriend.... I have had multiple pets all my life and any one who was 'about to reach his limit' because of jealousy or neediness or even frustration concerning a puppy or kitten behavior issue was promptly told that training the pet was easier than training him so bye bye..... he should be assisting you in finding answers instead of giving ultimatums.

Now about the important party in all of this... the puppy.... I have 5 dogs ranging in age from 15 years to 4 months. Pets are like children, none of them are born knowing right from wrong and your pup needs further instruction in what you expect from her..... dogs actually respond well to instruction because it takes the guess work out of trying to figure out what they need to do to make you happy...... use her crate at other times than just when you leave.... do not make it a punishment , put it near you when you watch TV or have dinner....let her know it is just a safe place where she 'can be' until you have time to give her plenty of loving.....put 30 minutes or so a day into regimented training...you have to have the highest pecking order in the pack in order to get her attention..... in most cases, a dog says "no matter what I do, she loves me, she fills my needs and I own her", lol..... what you want is for her to 'earn' that extra attention ....do not start repeating commands in order to get her to respond.... state a command, give a signal that represents that command and if she responds, do not immediately shower her with love... calmly tell her she is a good girl....and if she does not respond, do not repeat....just place her in the position you requested...tell her she is good and repeat until she responds without you having to place her...... it actually only takes a few minutes a day and depending on how deeply you want her trained....then you just add new requests as she masters the old ones.... sit, stay, quiet, and NO... are the ones you HAVE to train her....mine also learn 'come', lets go, and go nite nite (for crate )..... whatever you do, do not feed treats to encourage action... a dog will learn that she only needs to behave when there is food involved....

My dogs do not have a fence, no restraints, and no longer use crates.....there are no bad actions... no jealousy, no accidents... and they are all stuck to me like glue unless I tell them to GO, SIT, Stay...and they will stay there until I tell them....OK come, lets go...... it can be done...and you will have a happier dog for your efforts....but effort is what it takes..... and trust me, they are easier to train than men....lmao

    Bookmark   January 2, 2010 at 11:30PM
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do not feed treats to encourage action... a dog will learn that she only needs to behave when there is food involved....

I wholly disagree with this. Treats are a very valuable tool for the initial training period, and using them shortens the time it takes to learn. I've trained all of my dogs with treats, and they promptly respond to commands with or without them now.

For the OP, I agree that crate training is the way to go. Put her in her crate for brief periods when you are home. Give her a favorite toy or a stuffed Kong. Do not respond when she starts crying, or just respond with a firm "quiet" and walk away. Take her out when she has quieted herself.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2010 at 8:58AM
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Naomi Miller

Weed30, I too used treats early in life to train my pets, it was the only tool I knew at the time but I had a bad experience with a beagle where he learned all the wrong things about receiving treats, he developed an eating disorder and I consulted both vets and trainers... I was told by both to learn to train without treats for long term health in certain breeds. Being afraid that I would not recognize the traits again, I decided to attend a training program and become certified in natural training techniques which do not include treats, only trust, command and tactile praise....I have used these techniques for ten years and trained not only my own rescues and adoptees but those of others as well....it works. I am glad you have had good luck with treats, I usually did too ... but in some infrequent instances, the dog does learn to manipulate with treats rather than the trainer manipulating them, lol.....now I only offer treats when the situation is such that there is no reason for reprimand, the dog is quiet, calm and doing nothing questionable..... just for being good, I guess you could say.... not after a command or during any training.... they are spoiled but not being rewarded for a specific action....hopes that clears it up..... whatever works for you is good when training a dog, I suppose I train my deeper than most....I can literally tell mine to sit outside a busy building and they would be there sitting to spite what may catch their interest when I get back...... having so many , I need to be sure they are under command at all times.... just depends on your final goals. I was happy to find a method that led to a happy dog who was both well trained and easy to handle, it works for me and has always led to very good dogs who lead happy lives.... sorry if I upset anyone who uses that method...I say if it works, use it, but after 30 years of having pets, I never want to go through what I did with that poor beagle again.... by the way, I did retrain him using my new methods and he is 15 years old, healthy and has no eating disorders .... he is active and puppy like... but there was a long scary time before we found the answers...

I know many trainers use my methods now and with the web etc , things are much easier to research. When I took classes , they had to be searched out . One current training method that I know uses many of the tactics I use is the Dogfather... you can google him and read about his methods... it is a bit of canine psychology and a bit of common sense but none the less , an interesting read.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2010 at 11:22PM
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LOL - I adopted a stray beagle two years ago. I'd never had a beagle, and had NO IDEA how, um, challenging they are. If it weren't for treats, I would be in a straightjacket right now :)

I agree that both methods can work, depending on the owner and the dog.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2010 at 11:31PM
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Training a dog in a multihuman household requires all humans be on the same program. If boyfriend does not want to take his part, then any complete training will not happen.

If boyfriend does not understand that training takes patience and time, he probably will not help.

What you decide to do will impact the rest of your life in a way. Right now you have three choices.

1. Train the dog.
2. Dump the boyfriend.
3. Dump the dog.

Best option is to train the dog. Unless you decide to get rid of it. If you dump the boyfriend, you still have to train the dog. Unless the boyfriend refuses to help, number one is still the best option.

Any dog can be trained, the only variable is how much time is required. The only changes a family needs to make for a dog is for training timeeffort and breed specific needs. A Labrador needs more exercise and in a different way than a chihuahua, for instance. They cannot be expected to act the same.

Is training easy? Sometimes no. The prize is, however, at the end of the successful training period, things can resume being normal, and only maintenance care is necessary.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2010 at 12:16PM
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Thank you for all of the advice everyone. I will continue to work at training her. She has SIT down. STAY will be next and I'm going to try putting her in the cage for short periods of time when I am home.

Mazer, thank you especially for clarifying what I said the situation is.

I think someone asked about size and breed. She is an 8 pound Miniture Schnauzer.

Thanks again!

    Bookmark   January 4, 2010 at 2:06PM
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Ok, I'll add something, for what it's worth. I've owned miniature schnauzers for thirty seven years and they're a wonderful, but quirky little dog. All of mine, though well integrated to the whole family, have a specific person to whom they are more loyal and see as their master. The first one I had was 'mine'. The second and last one were my husband's babies. All of them seemed to take a personal responsibility to guarding their family, especially their special person. My first one would situate itself between any visitor and my new baby and just sit there until they left. The last one, when my husband came home from some surgery and I was helping him do his therapies, would get upset because I was doing something 'strange' to his master. LOL. If my husband and I were roughhousing, the dog again would get upset and try to intervene and also bark at me. IOW, leave his master alone! He did this for all of his sixteen years.

I can tell you as a g'ma who has been around lots of children, if they ever unexpectedly catch a couple being intimate, their first impression is that something is wrong and their parents are fighting. Should a dog be more intelligent than a child? She may be displaying tension and uneasiness in the face of possible aggression and trying to 'protect' you.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2010 at 3:37PM
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Bumblebeez SC Zone 7

"In addition, I have had multiple conversations with my boyfriend and he thinks anything that takes this much work is taking away from the whole moment from the very beginning."

This is the sentence that is a possible clue to boyfriend not being a mature adult. I'm not saying ditch the boyfriend asap but if he is not willing and wanting to help out in the situation, I would ditch him then.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2010 at 4:35PM
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