I miss my dog!
I put down my beloved Border Collie, Xena the Warrior Princess, yesterday. She was 12, and suffering from neurological seizures. It was horrible to witness her seizures, which lasted a day or two. Between seizures she had a lonely life at home all day while I work, and in the evenings I am in school. Today is worse than yesterday. I can't stop crying and feeling like I failed her. She is irreplaceable in my heart and in my home. I can't put her bowls up, because that would add to my grief. This pain is worse than I can put into words. I'm sick. I'm sad. I feel guilty, and I want to have yesterday back that included her being here. There is no other dog like her. She was my first dog, and I was blessed to have had such a smart one. She actually trained me. She was beautiful and so sweet. Unlike most Border Collies, Xena was not high-strung. She was mellow and gentle. She never had pups, but she cared for the ferret and all the cats she had to share her home with. She used to look me right in my eyes and gently bore her awesome self right into my soul. My sweet baby girl, I pray for her ease and comfort. I can sit here and type this, but can not seem to actually talk to anyone about it. It really hurts too much. I knew I loved her with all my heart, I had no idea her leaving me would affect me to this degree. If there are others who have been similarly affected from the horrible experience of purposefully taking their dog to be put down, I would be comforted to hear from you. The experience is one I would not wish on anyone. I will never forget the enormity of yesterday.