Well, I have NEVER!!!!!

azzaleaMarch 4, 2013

heard a story like this before.

Some acquaintances were invited to a wedding. They did the usual--cleared their schedules, bought an outfit, gifts, etc. The NIGHT BEFORE the wedding they were UNINVITED!!! No, not because the bride or groom got cold feet, or there was a catastrophic weather event. They were uninvited at the last minute because the bride had 80 more people respond that they were coming than the hall would hold.

Wow--that takes the cake!

What would you think if you were uninvited hours before an event like that? Would you still send a gift? What if you'd already sent one to the bride ahead of time (as was always protocol in the past)? How would you feel if a friend did that to you? Would you ever do something like this?

Just curious. I've never heard of anyone doing something like that ever (and I'm in my 60's).

Would love to hear your comments.

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jeaninwa

pfffft...depends...I just might go ANYWAY!

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 6:36PM
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ellendi

That is simply awful. I am assuming they are friends, in which case I would hope they did not send a gift. I would not be friends with these people from this point forward.
I never heard of the final count being so close to to the date. Something here doesn't sound right.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 6:40PM
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GrammyMyrna

I would most definitely show up, regardless.

Let her try to tell me that she isn't going to seat my husband and I and then let the heads start rolling!

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 6:41PM
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azzalea

Jeaninwa--my husband said something very similar.

Ellendi--I totally agree. Definitely something screwy about the whole scenario.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 6:44PM
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monica_pa

I would be tempted to go to the reception, and say we were just stopping by to pick up our gift.
Don't know if I would actually DO it, tho.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 6:54PM
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azzalea

LOL--Monica--good one!!!

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 7:15PM
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lily316

That's plain crazy.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 7:55PM
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joann23456

It's just plain nuts, and incredibly rude.

I have to wonder, if they had 80 more people respond than the hall holds, how many did they invite? I thought that you usually figure that about 10% of those invited won't come.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 8:03PM
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workoutlady

Something doesn't sound right for sure. My daughter got married this past summer. Even if we would have had too many respond, we would have just made room. I would think that they would just feed those that come first and then clear the table for the next group. There are those that are older that won't stay so long and the younger usually come a bit later. That is a strange thing and I'd be pretty ticked if it happened to me.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 8:19PM
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kacram

I agree, Joan. That is crazy! I've never heard of that either. I would imagine that they weren't really close,
or even a teensy close, because if they were close to the bride i can't believe she would do that! (not that I can believe she did it at all!) That is so strange. I would send a letter and let them know how hurt they were, how much effort, time and money they had spent for the big day. I know that's not cool, but who cares...Did they have someone call all of those people? Sure NOT a job I would have volunteered for! sheesh.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 8:31PM
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clubm

How do you uninvited people!! How rude and ignorant !!! I wouldn't
go or send a gift.

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 9:00PM
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justlinda

Would be interesting to know just "how" they were un-invited. Don't think they ask if you are invited, or ask for your invitation, to check the guest list....so I would go to the church (anyone can go to the church service, you don't have to be invited), then proceed with the gang to the reception hall. Would be fun to see their faces when they notice you in attendance. Just play ignorant, like you didn't receive the "un-invitation". Could happen if you were emailed, or the post office misdirected your mail!

Might be fun to do this, just to see the expression on their faces!

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 9:49PM
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YogaLady1948

I do not believe it~~~I think it is one of those Urban Legends~~~

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 11:28PM
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drewsmaga

"heard a story like this before.". . . . . .Yeah, and I've heard "stories" about Bigfoot. . .. ;-)

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 11:54PM
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Georgysmom

Oh Monica, that would be great if only we had the guts to do so! Not only cleared the calendar but in many cases, bought a new outfit......maybe even arranged for a babysitter if the situation calls for it. I can't even imagine. Our society is becoming so barbaric. Too many people have no sense of good manners today. Anything goes.

Seems to me they invited lots of people in hopes that they wouldn't come but would send a gift!

    Bookmark   March 4, 2013 at 11:58PM
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joann23456

It's just plain nuts, and incredibly rude.

I have to wonder, if they had 80 more people respond than the hall holds, how many did they invite? I thought that you usually figure that about 10% of those invited won't come.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 6:46AM
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azzalea

Oh, definitely not an urban legend--I happen to know the bride (not well, and wasn't myself invited, but she's been an acquaintance of my family for about 20 years). And I know many of the folks (and that would be a dozen or more) who were invited, then uninvited. This is definitely a true story--as sad as that is. I, too wanted to know how the uninviting was done--had to be either phone call or e-mail--but the woman who was telling me this was too upset, and I didn't like to ask questions that would upset her more.

Personally I just cannot wrap my head around this woman doing this. It's so far beyond rude, that 'rude' is not even in her rearview mirror.

It's so unbelievable, that my husband was wondering if she got married at all, or if this was all a scam to get a bunch of money and gifts from people.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 8:08AM
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Oakley

Love the heading of your topic. lol. Who did the uninviting? I wonder if the mother of the bride was behind it.

I would ostracize the whole family until I received a heartfelt apology and also told they were wrong.

I would NEVER give them their gift. Also, if I sent a gift I'd mail the receipt and ask for a refund. :)

This reminds me of Jr. High, when girls uninvited other girls from attending their slumber parties. Sheesh.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 8:43AM
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sylviatexas1

EtiquetteHell has stories like this fairly often;
check the "Bridezillas" & "Gimme Gimme" stories.

Couples do all kinds of things:

they invite people to bridal showers & don't invite them to the wedding.

they have 2 receptions, one each for their "A" & "B" list guests, "A"s get champagne & steak, "B"s get fruit punch & peanuts.

they invite people who live on the other side of the world, knowing the people can't attend, but maybe they'll send a present.

they register for expensive things & return them after the wedding for cash.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 11:40AM
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blfenton

An A and B reception?! Really! I have never heard of that. That is just boorish behaviour as far as I'm concerned.

I don't mind going to a bridal shower and not the wedding. Some of the children of my friends are now at the marrying age and I don't want to start being invited to a bunch of weddings of kids that I barely know and feeling like I need to spend a hundred bucks (or more) on a gift. . But, I do want to celebrate this time in their life in a small way and so a shower is perfect for me.

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 12:33PM
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kayjones

There are fire codes stipulating how many people can be in a commercial building at one time. As far as why your acquaintenances were uninvited/chosen to be eliminated - I'd just ask them. As for the gift - I'd consider it 'alms' to my new 'non-friends'!

    Bookmark   March 5, 2013 at 4:25PM
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joyfulguy

I've heard that they no longer teach cursive writing in many schools.

Have the students in modern schools not learned how to count?

o j

    Bookmark   March 6, 2013 at 4:48PM
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ellie45

I would do what they'd asked of you. Unexpected relatives may have decided to come. It is awkward but forgiveable . If you wanted them to have a gift then give it to them. They probably have had enough people walked out on them over this. Have a heart. This is their day.
. You have a dress ready for the next occasion and will be glad you took the kindest road possible.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 4:47AM
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colleenoz

Kayjones, yes, fire codes limit how many people can be in a venue, but you don't invite 200 people to a venue for 50 then uninvite 150 when they all want to turn up.
"so far beyond rude, that 'rude' is not even in her rearview mirror"- love it :-)

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 7:03AM
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azzalea

Ellie--the thing is, yes, I agree that anything can happen. If it were a few people--but now I'm hearing they uninvited 100 guests. There's something wrong with your planning if you are that far away from reality.

and how about this scenario--at the last minute the $$$ ran out? their credit card couldn't handle the expense? I'm suspicious, having learned a bit more about the situation during the week, that THAT was the real problem--at the last minute, the gal realized she couldn't afford the wedding she'd planned and had no choice but to uninvite a bunch of folks for that reason.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 8:01AM
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ellendi

If that were the case, it is a shame they couldn't be honest. If I really cared about the couple, what would be wrong with giving my monetary gift ahead of time to offset the expenses?
Very embarrassing and heart breaking at the same time.
It also shows how some young couple don't have their priorities in order. We don't know all the details of who is paying for what, but it is obvious things got out of control.
What I am not buying in this scenario is how last minute this all was.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 8:28AM
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colleenoz

So, they had no idea beforehand how much it was going to cost and how much they can afford? That bodes well for the marriage-not.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 8:31AM
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Kathsgrdn

A few years ago there was a woman at work who we all bought wedding gifts for or contributed money for a gift at work. I didn't go to the wedding but others did. Got to the church and no one was there. They were even calling work asking if we had heard anything about what was going on. The couple never got married. They took and kept our money and gifts. They had changed their minds about getting married and didn't bother to tell anyone.

She still works there and I don't know why she would keep those gifts but she did.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 9:19AM
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joyfulguy

Hi kathsgrdn,

Maybe you should all get together and send her a "class-action" bill for the value of all of the gifts?

Itemized, of course.

(Does this woman appear to be a bird-brain ... and, if so, does her bird say, "Cheep, cheep"?)

ole joyful

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 2:17PM
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teresava

I've never heard of something like that either, what a disaster!

When I got married (2001) the rule of thumb was 25% of people you invite, don't show up, which was fairly accurate. We had our Plan B though, "What if we are so great and EVERYONE shows up"LOL

I really liked this quaint old church near us, but the maximum was 140 people (and the church secretary said those people better be skinny! LOL) We were really close to that number so we had to pick somewhere else, plus the parking was tight also. I didn't want to stress about numbers right before the wedding.

But that being said, I have thrown many parties (not weddings) where people don't RSVP and show up anyway! So rude!

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 2:46PM
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liz

just shaking head here....rude just doesn't sum this whole scenario up...

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 5:24PM
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ivamae

Well, I have a different take on it. Around here, buildibngs can only legally have so many in them. It is not posted and I for one, wouldn't have a clue what the number might be. There wouldn't be 80 people come to my wedding if I chose to get married, but I can see how it could be very possible for them to not have any idea there was such a code until after the invitations went out. If this seems like a strange trait for these people, I certainly would give them the benefit of the doubt. If it is through no fault of their own, just think how terrible they must feel.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 5:38PM
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mary_c_gw

Sorry, Ivamae, but you *would* know, and if you were a responsible consumer, you would read the contract.

When you rent a location it is spelled out in the contract how many are allowed. Any venue you are renting from would state it up front. "You may have up to 80 people (or 45 or 150 - whatever the legal capacity is). The maximum capacity is also usually posted just inside the entrance. Anyone renting to you would also say it out loud "This venue is approved for a maximum of 80 guests".

These people seem like gift grabbers, and their behavior is deplorable. I doubt they have the sensitivity to feel terrible at all.

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 8:49PM
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sylviatexas1

If the fire code is the problem, it seems like the couple would have just said so.

& "etiquette" is that you don't invite someone to give you a present (shower) if you aren't inviting them to the main event (wedding).

    Bookmark   March 7, 2013 at 10:02PM
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Cynic

The problem is this is all speculation based on a little bit of information. Bits and pieces. Could be however many people. I'd rather know some more facts before trying to condemn people. Too LITTLE that's known and too MUCH that's unknown to make a rational opinion on it, assuming it is true. We still don't know the reason for it, how they were supposedly uninvited and without knowing at least what the bride/groom and those involved are saying, rather than what people hear 3rd, 4th, 5th or 50th handed, then it's just cackling to hear cackling to gossip about it at this point. I look forward to an update with some facts.

For the ones who'd go anyway, talk about rude! LOL Definitely can see rude in the mirror on that.

On giving a gift? I use the same rule as always. If I want to give a gift, I give a gift. If I don't, I don't. I don't give based on expectation or mandatory orders.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2013 at 7:38AM
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azzalea

Cynic, let me just say I purposely posted less than I know about this--trying to allow the couple to remain somewhat annonymous, if they or friends happen to be in this community. I know beyond doubt that it's true, and again obviously, much more than posted here.

Ivamae--ANY time you rent a hall for a function around here, you are told up front the limit of people permitted in the building, and it's part of the contract. That is NOT something that would have come as a last minute surprise. There's no way it could have.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2013 at 7:49AM
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ivamae

I'm glad that is the case there. It isn't here. So my opinion is that in this area, it could happen. Hopefully it never does. Regardles of the reason, it appears a lot of people have been hurt. Whether intentional or not, it is still sad.

    Bookmark   March 9, 2013 at 8:20AM
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joyfulguy

Hope this gal (plus the guy/gal/partner) can count better when it comes to chequebooks ...

... credit card balances ...

... minimum monthly payments required ...

... etc.

o j

    Bookmark   March 9, 2013 at 4:56PM
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Cynic

Azzalea, I wasn't saying it was false, I said assuming it was true, but the problem remains that there's still too little known to intelligently say much on it other than what I've said. It's not fair to condemn someone without knowing more facts and if information is withheld for whatever reason (and I'm not suggesting that anonymity is wrong) then it puts us in a spot where we can't rationally comment or answer your questions is my point.

    Bookmark   March 13, 2013 at 4:30PM
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