My old CRF girl is gone :(

quasifishMarch 16, 2012

Thought I'd post here because I've referenced Muddy, AKA Muddy Buddy, enough times on this forum over the years.

She was a tortoishell and lived with a multitude of health problems, mainly kidney disease and hyperthyroidism, over the past 6 years.

I took her to the vet about 2 weeks back (she had been in 2 months before and about every 3 months for the past 6 years) because she was not doing well and we came to the conclusion that she was getting to the point of no return. She was such a tough little cat at just over 5 lbs at the end, and she would not quit. She stopped eating the day before we decided to let her go, and one of her legs began to swell (the vet said it looked like her circulatory system was starting to fail as well), but despite that she just kept willing herself to go on to the point that she was still jogging outside just a few hours before we had to go to the vet's. As tired and worn out as she was, she just kept on pushing herself.

The vet was great and she passed so peacefully. I will miss her. With all her health problems she took up a bit of my time during the day and especially at night right before bed time, now I just don't know what to do with myself. It should be a relief to not have to do those things anymore, but the automatic compulsion to go give her medications, or fix her bed time meal, or give her sub-q fluids will probably be with me for a while.

She was 18 years old and I'd like to think she had a great kitty life, but she leaves a huge hole in her wake and I will miss her more than I could ever imagine.

Thanks for listening- both now and over the years.

Vickie

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Ninapearl

oh, vickie, i'm so very sorry for your loss. muddy will live on in your heart. i hope the good memories you have of your life with her will comfort you. (((hugs)))

    Bookmark   March 16, 2012 at 5:11PM
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schoolhouse_gw

Sorry, it's so hard to say goodbye. What a long and I bet terrific life she had with you.

    Bookmark   March 16, 2012 at 5:50PM
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cat_mom

(((HUGS))) to you on your loss, quasifish. It's never easy.

    Bookmark   March 16, 2012 at 8:19PM
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petaloid

I'm sorry to hear that your Muddy kitty has passed away. You certainly helped her have a good, long life.

I have experienced this before, several times, and know how painful it can be at first.

Trust me, you will get over her loss in time and will always keep fond memories of your beloved pet.

    Bookmark   March 16, 2012 at 9:54PM
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laurief_gw

Vickie,

I'm so sorry to hear of Muddy's passing. What a testament to both of your indomitable spirits that she lived an active life for so long with both CRF and hyperT. I know exactly what you're going through right now. When my CRF and hyperT (and various other ailments) boy, Billy, passed a year ago, my whole daily existence shifted. In spite of all of the other animals needing my attention, I still found myself aimlessly wandering through large parts of my days - parts that used to be spent medicating, hydrating, feeding, and checking on Billy. That sort of intensive nursing is so absorbing. When it suddenly ends, there's just this huge void left in the day ... not to mention the void left in one's heart.

The void in your day won't last too long, though. Your daily rhythm will readjust over the next couple of weeks. The void in your heart is a different matter. I like to believe that my beloveds are taking good care of each piece of my heart that they took with them when they passed, and that they will reunite with me when my time comes and put all of my heart pieces back together again.

Muddy will keep your heart piece safe until you meet again.

I wish you a peaceful grief,

Laurie

    Bookmark   March 17, 2012 at 12:16AM
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gibby2015

I'm so sorry. I lost a CRF cat a few years back at age 19 and I know what you mean about the huge void in your life after several years of providing that special care. In a way it is a relief but in other ways there is kind of a loss of purpose in life. I hope fond memories help heal your heart in time.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2012 at 12:27AM
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cal_dreamer

I'm so sorry for your loss; Muddy was blessed with a wonderful life with you.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2012 at 3:13PM
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tracey_b

I'm so sorry for you on the passing of your Muddy. Torties are certainly characters! Our CRF kitty was one (Casey) who passed about 3 yrs ago at 20+. I hear ya on the time spent doing "nursing care" for elderly kitties (and sick ones in general). It takes awhile to get past just that part of it, much less the hole left in your heart by the missing loved one. You were a GREAT kitty mom who did your best by your beloved kitty. RIP Muddy.

    Bookmark   March 17, 2012 at 8:08PM
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quasifish

Thank you for your kind words and thoughts, everyone.

Muddy was the last of "the 3 musketeers"- the lab/rottie who came to us in '93 and the two kitties who joined us in '94. The 3 of them were inseparable and I could never have imagined a big dog and two cats who were more bonded and got along so well. I feel blessed to have been part of that, and accept that it is unlikely we will ever have 3 together like that again. All three left us in the past 5 years, so losing her is, in a sense, like losing the last of that legacy from happier times.

Laurie, you hit the nail on the head. I am stunned by how often I checked on her through the day- heading to do some laundry and I'd stick my head into whatever room she was in to make sure she looked warm and comfortable enough (she was always cold, but generally shunned heat sources). I didn't even realize I would check her so often. The first night she was gone, I was a wreck the half hour before bed- that was the time we would do a lot of her care- I just paced around the house for half an hour. Still, there is some relief in not having to do the medicating and fluids, that was hard on both of us.

Our younger cat, who has never had much use for me, is giving me a bit more attention now. Not sure if he feels sorry for me, or just realizes that he is the big cheese now.

Ah well, thank you again everyone for your thoughts, they mean a lot to me. Not everyone understands how deep the loss of a kitty can be.

    Bookmark   March 19, 2012 at 9:26AM
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