Friend's 3 year old son

Melissa_MDecember 31, 2001

What do you parents think about a 3 year old that throws a tantrum because he wants to wear diapers instead of underwear?

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trekaren

3 year olds throw tantrums about anything they perceive as "pushing mommy/daddy's buttons". It just means he has figured out this "gets" to them.

    Bookmark   December 31, 2001 at 11:59AM
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heatherchristi_yahoo_com

Lots of times little kids don't like any sort of change at all- and while most kids look forward to wearing "big kid" underpants, I can see where it may upset a child. Especially if the parents are pushing potty training.

    Bookmark   December 31, 2001 at 1:05PM
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LYNN3521_aol_com

Maybe if there is a character (Cartoon character) the parents could buy him some pairs of these training pants and get him interested in potty training.

I also know that many time young children don't want like change, some worse than others. So, the child just might want the training pants on because he is use to the diapers.
Also the child may not like the idea of potty training and of course connects the training pants to the training. He possibly likes the security of wearing the diaper, not as much bother (to him anyhow :o)
Lynn

    Bookmark   December 31, 2001 at 9:57PM
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Stephanie_in_TN

That's a tough call. There are different kinds of temper tantrums. I'd have to see it to know if was a control thing or a fear of change thing. There are way too many unknown factors to know if this is excessive or perfectly understandable.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2002 at 12:55AM
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Melissa_M

Pushing buttons. Most likely! I actually felt sorry for her. She was on vacation this last week and she thought she could get potty training over and done in a week. What really astonished me though was her comment that she would have another week of vacation in 6 months she could try potty training again then. I guess she thinks because she has a job, parenting is a vacation activity. This is the same little boy that I have posted about in the past. He speaks maybe 10 words total, eats by wandering from person to person being fed off their plates, etc. WHAT MOTHER PERPARES HERSELF SOMETHING TO EAT AND MAKES HER 3 YEAR OLD BEG FOR FOOD LIKE A DOG??!!! My husband hit the nail on the head when he told me this boy is treated like a pet rather than a child.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2002 at 8:28AM
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Mommabear

Your second comment is different from your first. I think a 3 year old having a tantrum over diapers should be left alone for a while. You cannot force a child to become toilet trained. It's much harder to train them when they are resistant. I think letting him calm down and trying again at another time is a good strategy. In the meantime she can chat with him about the toilet and underpants and get him prepared to change his mind. Once the child's mind is set that he WANTS to train it will happen. It only took me a week to train my 2 oldest sons, but I waited until they were 3 to start, after months of discussion. It is far easier to change diapers for an extra 6 months, train them when they are ready, without fights, tantrums and resistance than it is to fight with them for 6 months because they don't want to do it.

Regarding your second comment. You cannot make her act the way you want her to act. It may be difficult to witness, but you cannot force her to act the way you would like to see a parent act. You can talk to her about what you have observed, but be prepared for her to terminate the friendship if you do. In certain cases it is probably worth it (for your peace of mind) to try to help the child by having a discussion with the parent about your observations. I feel bad for the child.

Mommabear

    Bookmark   January 2, 2002 at 9:17AM
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Jainie_S

I'd like to say this. I have a 3 year old and an 18 month old. My son sat nicely in his high chair when he was little. He would even get in himself, we could lower it. My daughter hates the high chair, she can escape every strap and restraint. She doesn;t stay still in booster chair, strollers, etc. So, when she started standing up in her high etc. For safety sake, we let her out and put finger foods on the tray so that she would finish. She also will "beg" from the table. In fact, I think that even when she is full, she wants whatever I am eating. We try to feed her before people come over, it's too distracting for her, so she'll sit still and eat. You wouldn't know that she has already been fed, because she wants what ever anyone else is eating. My son never begs unless it's sweets. Each child is different. Sometimes, they have to grow out of these phases. We used to be able to go to restaurants, no more. We will wait until things get better. My kids have always talked up a storm, but some of my friends have kids that just don't say much. Some of my girl friends also have 3 year olds that aren't completely potty trained. It's so convenient to keep the trusty pull up, so that they stay dry on the outside, but, they will change. I even said that we were going to wait until after the holidays, but all of the sudden, my son was ready. No more pull ups. I wasn't lazy. My son would scream for his pull up 2 months ago. Now he wants his big boy pants. My son, because he is 3, is very hard headed, bless his heart. He tantrums, and we try to figure out the best way to handle it. My daughter does too. All kids have tantrums because they want things to go their way all of the time. They want to be in control. Even if it's walking around and eating off of other peoples's plates. Until you know the whole story, don't judge your friend. I did that before I had kids with a good friend who never talks to me any more. Now that I have them, I understand what she was going thru and wish I would have been more understanding.
Jainie

    Bookmark   January 5, 2002 at 10:32AM
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