Is it too early to be worrying about this?(kinda long)

TaraWaferNovember 28, 2001

Okay. DD is 28 months old. She will go peepee on the potty chair sometimes. Mostly not though. I tried to see if I could just put her in underwear and seee what would happen. I asked her if she had to go potty every 5- 10 minutes. In the beginning she would say yes and sit on the chair. She never did go. After about 40 minutes of saying she didn't have to go and not being willing to sit on the potty chair, she peed in the underwear (really they are thick training pants). Then she pooped and peed more. I gave up. She can tell me that you're supposed to go peepee and poopoo in the potty and not her panties. But she won't do it.

I guess she is not ready and that is fine. I don't want to push her (she's stubborn like me). And I don't want to make it traumatizing. I figure she'll be ready one day and just do it. Just be potty trained because she decided she was ready. Is that crazy? I am afraid of letting her decide when she is really ready and then never having her be ready. I know no kids that are adults now weren't potty trained and everything.... but did all of our parents force it? Do any of you have kids that you never pushed it and they just learned?

DD is our one and only and I stay home with her. So she has no older siblings to learn from or daycare friends to learn from. Should I be worrying about this this early on? Or should I just be patient and DD will do it when she's really ready?

Any advice or stories would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!! And thanks so much for reading this whole long, jumbled post... :)

-Tara W

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My daughter started telling us when she had to have a bm when she was eighteen months old. I thought wow, she's going to be a sinch to train. Well, for the next year she would still tell us before she had a bm but training for bladder was a whole nother story. It was SO frustrating for all of us. She was a little over two and a half before she was fully trained during the day time, now she's three and still wears a diaper to bed. I told myself with the second child I wasn't going to train her until she crawled up on that potty herself. It wasn't worth the frustration.

    Bookmark   November 28, 2001 at 3:57PM
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I would not worry about it... you may have read my earlier post about our DS -- he is totally potty trained when it comes to peeing, but trying to get him to poop in the potty has been a NIGHTMARE! We've decided to just forget about it for a while. I am also afraid of making this into a big deal and traumatizing him. I just keep telling myself that EVERYONE does get potty trained eventually, and it really isn't a big deal! (I say this over and over again... ha ha ha)

    Bookmark   November 28, 2001 at 10:03PM
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Dont stress out about it. everyone is different-you can talk to moms who say there kids were completly potty trained by 18 months and it can make you crazy. some kids are totally verbal (like mine at 25 months) and she talks in full sentences and is very bright---but does not go in the potty at all-she will sit once in a while and knows about it and that all her friends go in there-but i figure, when she is ready-she will just do it. i dont believe in rushing anything-they all catch up-dont compare her to others her age-im sure she will be trained by kindergarten, meanwhile-you are blessed to be home with her and she is lucky to! dont worry about the potty-it is not an example of her intelligence.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2001 at 9:09AM
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Thanks for the responses so far... I just want to add that I am not afraid about it being a intelligence (or no intelligence). DD is very verbal too. She's been talking in full sentences and everything for a long time.

I am more worried that if I don't push at all that she won't ever get trained. Do all parents eventually push their kids some? Or are their kids out there who really did, one day, walk into the bathroom and go on the toilet and that was that? That is more what I am trying to find out. Thanks!

-Tara W

    Bookmark   November 29, 2001 at 1:27PM
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OOPS! Sorry about that. I have no idea why it posted it twice!

-Tara W

    Bookmark   November 29, 2001 at 1:35PM
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I do know someone who has never been forced or even pressured but really was let to come at the skill at their own pace (teaching, support, and opportunity were freely available and occurring). Basically, that child became really consistent and 100% 'trained' overnight when they started school.

In general it's easier for a parent (or older person) to 'force' or pressure younger children. Once children can express preferences, and agreement or disagreement and have a kind of logical understanding 'force' can be counterproductive.

Children who are at your daughter's age will need to explore their new imposed situation (this whole potty thing). From the adult perspective you're waiting to see what happens, and making sure to ask her if she has to go and probably being consistent with whatever the routine is. From her perspective, she has this whole new thing to worry about but she learns that when she says she has to go, then she sits on the seat (and you give her any help probably, and encouragement). She may not yet have connected her urination with 'having to go' though. That can take some time, and learning. That's where you can exert some influence usually if you want by making her experience on the seat end differently when she does go (adding a reward of some kind), but keeping the general routine as predictable as possible even when she doesn't actually 'go.'

It's easy for an adult to be automatic about what the different urges feel like, and what to do when they occur. Children have to learn and become familiar with where to go and what to do. This whole flushing thing, and whoah what weird seats, and there is special language and phrases to be used. If she's getting used to the idea of the place and the sitting and the special seat, but not actually 'going' or seeming to have connected all the dots quite yet, then try to grant her (and you) that she is in fact learning. Also, the repetition of the rituals is important to reinforce for her that she knows and can know what will happen (and that things are predictable for her).

probably, social pressure and wanting to do well in school would have her up to speed instantly if she had seemed slow in this area; but, as it is she's probably still becoming acquainted with the basics in a meaningful way even though she's not quite trained yet

    Bookmark   November 29, 2001 at 3:37PM
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hi there,

my dd is 27Months, and she is now starting to pee on her potty, we have never pushed her i never ask if she needs to pee or poop, only when she takes her diaper off her self do i tell her to sit on the potty, we are now starting to let her wear pullups more often during the day. i have a friend who "pushed" her son and he wasn't potty trained till he started school and at 7 he still has accidents. you would be amazed how they just seem to start grasping the idea of peeing and bm's the potty just sits in the bathroom and i let her body do most of the work. also i find that it usually good to encourage her to pee the same time i do and than she thinks its fun cause we're doing it together. hope this helps


    Bookmark   November 29, 2001 at 10:50PM
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Loretta NJ Z6

To make a long story short, in the end, I had to take away the pullups to train my son who was 3 1/2 and already in preschool. I didn't use them in the house but used them when he went out so he wouldn't soil other people's property or I used them at night to protect the bed. So he waited until then to go. He was trained within a month. It only started working also because it took that long for him to finally be offended by it. Otherwise, he started expressing some interest in the potty at 12 months and he had been going privately in the corner for some time. He finally told us that his poopies were too big for his little potty so he agreed to go in the big potty and saved the little potty for other things. Which by the way, he carried around with him from room to room. Thank God the Potty Fairy came and took that thing away in exchange for some Star War toys. So complicated.

    Bookmark   November 30, 2001 at 6:10AM
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also, remember that a single day does not make a trend. So if you feel she has the physical capability to tell you before--both in sensing what's going on down there, and in saying words--then you may simply need to give her more time and a more internal (important to HER) reason.

One way to do this is to switch her to training pants and give it 2 weeks. Ask her often, as a reminder, and promise her that whatever she was doing, she can come back to. (tis is a big issue for my son, and we solve it by saying to the toys, "wait right here, toys, don't go anywhere, Grant is coming back to play with you as soon as he's done. Wait right here!" and then I make SURE he gets to come back to his activity, even if it's only for 3 minutes)

then, if she goes w/o telling you, don't change her right away. Make her sit it in for a while, so it's uncomfortable. My doc suggested, be polite, etc., but say "I can't change you right now, because I'm busy. Next time you'll need to ask to go on the potty before. But right now you'll need to wait." Then, 10 minutes later, change her. (also, insist she sit on the potty at the time of the change)

Be alert for "little leaks" instead of full "I'm not stopping, I'm just peeing right now" accidents; "little leaks" (when they stop themselves just after they've started) should be treated as the really good try at control they are, and pants should be changed right away, praise given (along w/ reminders of going BEFORE the leaks), etc.

That's just one way. But do remember that it takes a lot of practice, and it will be a while before you can truly leave the ball in her court; you'll need to remind her to go, provide opportunities, etc., for a while yet.

She won't "never" learn, but I wouldn't get really, really pushy until 36 months (or preschool, whichever comes first).

    Bookmark   November 30, 2001 at 10:16AM
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