15 month old discipline

adamsmommySeptember 10, 2009

My son is 15 months old and has become extremely whiney and doesn't listen when I tell him no. I have tried slapping his hand and telling him no when he hits or reaches for something he should not have. I have also put him in his playpen and just let him throw a fit when he won't stop whinning. Am I doing the right thing? I don't want to slap his hand so hard it leaves it red. But when I do slap his hand, he just looks at me and grins. When I put him in the play pen do I leave him until he stops crying or just a couple of minutes? If he then doesn't stop do I keep putting him back? How long is too long? I know that he knows when he is about to do something he isn't suppose to and I don't want to start spanking, I don't even like to slap his hand. He needs to learn NO, help!!!

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sheilajoyce_gw

First of all, he is only 15 months old, and he is still figuring this all out. Put away or high up the things he should not have. Try to figure out why he is whining. Is he bored? Play with him or read him a book or take him for a walk. Is he tired or hungry? Do be consistent on what is no, and pick him up and move him away from whatever it is. Try to avoid the necessity of spanking such a young child. Save it for safety lessons such as playing with the electric socket or running into the street.

    Bookmark   September 11, 2009 at 2:29AM
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adamsmommy

While I appreciate the feedback, I don't think you really get the picture. I am talking about him reaching for dangerous things such as outlets(trying to unplug things) and running out in the road. I cannot hold him or play with him all day long. I realize I have created this situation as I did hold him all day long for too long. I can't even go to the bathroom without him whinning. He wants my attention 24 hours a day and throws a fit when he doesn't get it! I love my son dearly, there is absolutely nothing more important to me. I have spoiled him and now I need to start fixing the problems before they get any more out of hand. I am desperate for an effective method of doing this. I hate slapping his hand, but it is the only thing that has even come close to working. Can anyone offer an effective alternative?

    Bookmark   September 14, 2009 at 7:25PM
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kevingalaxy

Same problem here, i tried the look at my eyes thing and talking to her, she seems to listen, havent tried slapping though, am afriad i mgith hurt her. I think you just have to let him cry it out ... if you find an answer let me know also!

    Bookmark   September 16, 2009 at 11:55AM
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oilpainter

At 15 months a child is able to learn what no means. The trouble is that you started out wrong and it's harder to get the message across when you are trying to undo rather than teach.

First check into childproof devices like outlet covers that enclose the plug and all, cupboard locks and doorknob covers. These will keep your child safe without hassle. Put things that you want to keep safe or are dangerous beyond reach if possible. When he goes near the stove say hot--you'll get a boo boo or what ever you say for a sore.

Find a place where he can be confined but yet see you and call it the naughty corner or whatever and when he misbehaves put him there for a minute or so if he doesn't heed your warning that he is being naughty. Afterward get on his level and tell him why he was being punished.

Don't put him in the playpen for punishment if you want him to play in it. The punishment place should be used just for punishment, so he gets the right idea.

You must do this EVERY time he does the same thing so he gets the message. Letting things lapse once or twice will tell him you are not really serious. I know it will be a hassle but if you follow through he will get the message.Consistancy is the key and I can't stress that enough

Start with the thing that you would most like to curb.

If you think he is too young to understand he's not. Before my son was crawling, I put red sticker dots on dangerous things. Every time we passed one I would point to it and say no-danger that will hurt John. He never touched anything with a dot when he started to crawl, but he would point to them and shake his head no. I never put a dot on anything that wasn't dangerous just because I didn't want him to touch it though and my honesty paid off.

I wish you luck

    Bookmark   September 17, 2009 at 12:34AM
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oilpainter

As for the whining you are doing the right thing. What he is doing is throwing a temper tantrum. I hope you are not paying any attention to him at all after you put him in the playpen. This is not punishment. It is separating him from the atrention he wants and keeping him safe until he calms down. I would leave him there until he does. You are not being mean--you are curbing a bad habit. Again consistancy is the key

    Bookmark   September 17, 2009 at 12:45AM
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adamsmommy

oilpainter: Thank You! Your response sounds right on. It just makes you feel better to have another real parent confirm you are doing the right things even if you already know what the right thing is. He does not play in the playpen, that is only the naughty spot. It is in his room where he can not see me when he is in it though, should I move it to where he can see me when he is in trouble? I use the playpen because there is no way at this point that he would stay in a chair or a corner. I feel so mean because I know that I caused this problem, but I am the one who has to fix it too. I just love him so much I want to cuddle him and make him smile all the time! EVERYONE told me I was going to spoil him and I didn't listen!

    Bookmark   September 17, 2009 at 10:41PM
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oilpainter

The playpen does not have to be out in the open but I would remove it from his room. I have never been a fan of using a childs bedroom for punishment. The bedroom should be a happy place to go to sleep in, in my opinion--actually my husband came up with this and upon thought I agreed with him.

Please don't pay any attention to him when he is in there though. That's what the child wants, but he has to learn that certain behaviors don't get that attention. If he starts again after you take him out then put him back in.

Right now what you are doing is loving him. A child needs discipline as much as he needs food or hugs. How else can he grow up to be the kind of child and later, adult you want him to be.

Deserved praise, not false praise, is a great motivator too. When you do catch your child behaving the way you would like, tell him so. A-mommy is so proud of the way you --are playing so nicely--used your manners(for later)-- behaved so nicely at so and so's house, will go a long way to let him know how he should behave. What child doesn't want to make his parents proud of him.

    Bookmark   September 17, 2009 at 11:39PM
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mommagram

Remember that at 15 months your child doesn't have a lot of impulse control or ability to reason. While he may remember that the last time he touched the outlet you gave him a stern "no" and put him in time out, he probably does not really understand the idea of electrocution cause he has (hopefully) never experienced it. So he does not have the benefit of cause and effect which is how he is learning most of what he knows about the world around him, right now. Also, he is probably driven by curiosity. "What is that cool thing that mommy seems to bent on keeping me away from"? My point? Remember that he is not maliciously going after the outlet. It is not a conscious act of defiance. Sounds like you have a pretty focused and maybe willful (that is a nice word for stubborn) boy. I have 22 month old twins. My daughter is pretty easy when it comes to discipline. Usually it takes once or twice to steer her away from things. She is a pleaser. She thrives on positive enforcement. My son...well, he is a boy and he is pretty stubborn. All I need to say is "no" and he goes after whatever I am trying to take away with more determination. I have tried time out, spanking, and stern words. Funny thing, usually if I catch him doing the right thing and I go over bored with positive praise it has a more lasting impression than negative reinforcement. When that doesn't work, I just have to redirect him and distract him. Sometimes it even means taking him to another room, closing the door and giving him something else to do. Hang in there.

    Bookmark   November 2, 2009 at 3:39PM
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