Can't stand the whining

michie1September 2, 2002

My 14 mos old daughter is constantly whining. She has a 20+ word vocabulary but she isn't able to give instructions so she gives me something or points to someting & then whines. She is also clingy & when I need to do things she folows me around whining & grabbing onto my legs. How do I stop this?

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Play peek-a-boo. All kids go thru separation anxiety. Playing peek-a-boo by hiding behind a door and then popping out, goes a long way to getting them to understand mommy is going away, but will be right back.

Whining- best thing to do is ignore it. They only do it if they know they get a reaction.

    Bookmark   September 4, 2002 at 8:45AM
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How is playing pee-ka-boo, which she happens to love to do anyway stop her from whining & grabbing at my legs while I'm trying to walk around & do things in the house?

She does whine & I didn't explain that in my e-mail above in 2 instances - 1 is when she wants me to hold her (allot) & follows me around & the other is when she's getting frustrated with I believe her lack of being able to communicate (such as when we are doing a puzzle & she can't get th epc in or when she wants me to take a toy down for her...).

I wish I could ignore the whining, but it drives me absolutely crazy - I can't think. Today I was at my Dad's helping him with some computer work & she was whining & crying all day (about 3 hrs.) b/c I was unable to devote all my attention to her. I spend plenty of time with her, but don't get me wrong I don't play with her all day long. I have things to do & thus there are also plenty of times where I expect her to play while I'm in the same room doing something else r in the same room & just relaxing, so it's not as if I've created a monster by just giving her all my attention all day along. My Dad says she has a temper & I think he's right (after all both my husband & I have one too)..


    Bookmark   September 4, 2002 at 8:10PM
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Why did you ask if you didn't want an opinion? The whining, and the clinginess are phases all children go thru. Believe me or not, your choice. But the game did help my DD every time she hit one of these phases of being clingy.

That game was not meant to address the whining, just the clinging. As long as baby is getting plenty of attention, and her basic needs are met (i.e. not hungry, not needing a nap, not wet, not hot or cold, etc), then the solution used by many parents on this forum successfully, including myself, is ignoring it. What other option do you have? Cater to the whining is the only other option, and all that does is encourage it.

And take it from me, the whining may stop once, but they will get into it again from time to time, in phases. I don't think it ever goes away for good. Just for a while, until they want to test us :-) I'm dreading the teen-age whining years!

There is one other option that seems to work well at that age. It worked for me when ignoring did not. That method is distraction. The whining starts, then you start a tickle-fest! Or you pull out a favorite toy or game. Or something along that lines that is something she likes to do. Once the laughing starts, the whining is forgotten. Distract enough times, and baby will lose interest in whining.

    Bookmark   September 5, 2002 at 8:17AM
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Why are you geting so snippy? Of course I wanted opinions. Does that mean I can't question whether they work or not.


    Bookmark   September 5, 2002 at 11:07AM
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I just got the feeling you thought I was making it up. But it is a recommended tactic that I got from reading a lot of books on the subject, and had tried it and it worked.

Most folks on this forum talk from experience, and won't recommend soemthing unless they've tried it.

I got snippy because I felt some of your responses were defensive. Sorry if that was misunderstood on my part.

    Bookmark   September 5, 2002 at 12:41PM
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I am having to deal with whining too. It seems like he calms down a lot if I: 1) explain the plan for what it is I am doing, 2) let him help me do it in some way, and/or 3) stop and give him five minutes. But, that's on a good day.

Right this moment, he is in some sort of phase, which does seem to be separation anxiety, but yet it isn't, its only part of it. I just can't put my finger on it. I have been trying to sit him down and say, "Ask for what you want in a polite way (which he already knows how to do, May I please) and then I will do/get it for you", but he is persisting in whining. Something's up and maybe its unseen like another tooth coming in or he's tired. I hope it clears up for both of us. Good luck!


P.S. Good apology TREKaren

    Bookmark   November 21, 2002 at 10:15AM
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Hate to tell you this but the whining part for stuff won't go away...from time to time, it comes back! LOL And at 3 you find they more yell for stuff like they've asked you half a dozen times and you ignored them when it's only the first time they asked. The stages are fun. All you can do is find a way through them. Either distract the child or tell them it's not going to be permitted in your yelling or throwing stuff to get attention but whining can't always be stopped totally.

Man, oh, man and to think that next year I'll be back in you guys' shoes. Seems like forever since DS was a baby! LOL


    Bookmark   November 21, 2002 at 10:28AM
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My daughter is now almost 17 mos old & she's over the worst of it. It had nothing to do with anything I did though. She just outgrew it, like hitting her Dad & I for no reason & thinking it was funny. I think it was worse during the summer b/c she was cranky due to the heat. We don't have a/c in the house oher than my bedroom. She has a larger vocabularly now which helps, but her whining is most often when she wants to be held & I'm in the middle of doing something that i am not about to stop (like making a call or cooking) so she wraps herself around my legs, doesn't let me walk & whines & cries, while I yell at her to get off me.

    Bookmark   November 21, 2002 at 11:52AM
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Leslie, I agree every age has something fun and something to be learned. I will be glad when he has learned this one and so have I! LOL. I am really just trying to get to my son's underlying problem as there seems to be one, hm. Back in our shoes, lucky you. I can't wait to get to do it all again, if I get to (four miscarriages along with this cutie). Good luck doing it all over again!

Michie, it does sound like your frustrated, I don't blame you. For the cooking one, I put him in his highchair and gave him a cracker, or showed him what I was doing if it wasn't too dangerous. Maybe books, crayons, something entertaining. Let us know how it goes for you.


    Bookmark   November 21, 2002 at 12:22PM
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Robin, I gues you didn't read my last post. I said I was OVER the whining stage for the most part, so I'm no longer frustrated. It only lasted through parts of the summer.

An occassional whine here & there I can deal with. The fact that it was so much throughout the day when I too was agitated from the heat & less patient didn't make it easy going through.

Right now the only times they are really rough & it's also b/c I have 3 dogs & a toddler is during dinner prep time. I feel like it's chaos, but that's better than it being all day long, so I'm better able to tolerate it then. Of course it figures that at that time nothing seems to work well. I often try to pop in a video at that time & hope she prefers to watch it than be in the kitchen with me.

Sometimes I give her a snack, which is where part of the chaos begins b/c the dogs go after her when she has food & then she screams when they take it away. Most days I let her take all my tupperware out & make a mess & entertain herself while I cook. Other days she gets into everything & btn her & the dogs & the tripping over things & her crying over what they've taken from her or her getting into their dogs bowls, etc. & then she gets needy so I feel like "Calgon take me away!". Luckily this doesn't happen too often anymore.


    Bookmark   November 21, 2002 at 12:37PM
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Snacks in high chair would be a good thing.
Sometimes just stopping and snuggling for a few minutes, goes a long ways. I often have to remind myself, that if dinner is a few minutes late, or the floors not swept now, it's OK...he needs me, even if he "really" doesn't need me.

But, you'll learn that as you go along, my "baby" is my 3rd.

Oh and whinning comes and goes in stages..she maybe outta this stage, but there's another just around the corner...
Just wait til she's yelling at you and telling you what to do...You'll wish for the whinny baby that clung to your leg.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2003 at 11:48PM
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My son is three and a half and the whining he did as a small toddler is nothing compared to this. And as someone once said to me "the sound of three year old boy's voice is louder than a jet landing on an aircraft carrier". He's also bossy, demanding and YES, the first time he asks sounds like it's the fifth.

Did I mention that he doesn't nap? @@

14 hours of that and by the end of the night, my brain is vibrating.

However, this is my second child. I hold onto the fact that I lived through it through one, I can do it again..and after this, I'm done! LOL

They ebb and flow with this. My daughter didn't whine at three, but four about put me 'round the bend.

What helps with all stages is to keep them active and busy. Get them food, activity or a nap when they need it. Meeting their needs in a timely fashion helps to decrease this somewhat. Distraction. Fresh horses when you're out of gas. The rest of it is all about living through the stage, knowing that there is a calmer time in the future.

That, and praying for kindergarten! LOL

    Bookmark   February 6, 2005 at 12:20AM
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I can't understand whining....when one of my children would "whine" at me I would say "I can't understand you when you talk like that....say it in your regular voice"...then when something was told or requested in a regular voice I addressed the problem or want.
Grand kids came along and my daughter's kids knew the scam ( she taught them....remembered form her little brother LOL!) and I didn't have to say more than once "I can't understand you when you talk in that voice"...but son's kids took a little longer! LOL!
Had a neighbor kid who would come and whine at my back door....I would say "I don't understand you when you talk in that voice...I thought maybe you said you wanted a cracker...but can't tell for sure"...when really he was telling me his brother took the ball away from him LOL!
The cure for whining is simply don't understand it.
Linda C

    Bookmark   February 12, 2005 at 1:58PM
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Molly Adams

i agree totally with linda c - i say, "use your words, please" and ignore the whining. all actions are done for a reason; if whining gains a child nothing, and he/she is provided with an alternative which produces results, i find that results reinforce the preferred behavior. usually-lol.

    Bookmark   February 15, 2005 at 10:05PM
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