New to site....terrible two problems

homersgardenMay 18, 2004

I am brand new to this site so I will introduce myself (I am sure it will become one of my favorites quickly). I am a middle school teacher who has a wonderful 2 1/2 year-old son.

Parenting does not come naturally to fact, I find it easier to manage a class of 30 13 year-olds than my son. Drexler is VERY active. He loves to play, he talks well, and is almost always in a great mood. He is very well adjusted and is FUNNY. Lately he has began to hit me and yell, "I am not going to do that. I not go want you to look at me. I not be patient."

Last night was HORRIBLE at the grocery store where he began to throw a tantrum and hit and spit at me. I was embarrassed and upset. I am not sure what to do. He is wonderful for my husband and does not pull any of this with his daddy...just me. I got him out to the car and put him in and told him he hurt my feelings and that he was not being nice. I asked him to look me in the eyes and he would not even look at me. In fact he acted like he was sleeping and told me "Do not wake me up, Mommy" (I held a strait face, but boy did I want to laugh at that.) He finally told me sorry.

This morning he told me sorry for breaking my feelings at the store. I know he gets it...

What would you have done or do?

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Two year olds are always testing limits. That's how they learn. He was testing to see what your limit of tolerance was in the grocery store. Be prepared for more.

Two is a hard age to discipline. They don't understand concepts. When I was hit or spit at, I held the hands or face FIRMLY, looked them in the eye and said "NO SPIT", or "NO HIT". They did not like that, and I didn't have a problem after doing it more than once. Dicipline has to be immediate with a child that age. I did dicipline in the store or resteraunt. I know i'm not being mean, but being a responsible parent, so I don't care what "looks" I get.

Good luck, and the words of advice that got me through my kids childhoods were:
1. This too shall pass
2. Just because it's a PHASE, doesn't mean it won't turn into a problem later. Deal with it at the PHASE stage.

And the final one that as a parent of teens is: All kids have a surprise in them, it's just when they let it out that differs.


    Bookmark   May 20, 2004 at 2:30PM
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My 2.5 year old niece lives with me, and has done the same thing. I'm no expert, but I have found a few things that help. Number 1 is not to take her anywhere at night or when they're tired. Even if it's just a quick errand, she inevitably breaks down and becomes a monster.

Second, I try to ignore her when she acts up. Kids want attention of some kind. They prefer good, but they'll take bad. I think the breakdowns often happen at the store because you're concentrating on something other than them.

I want my niece to learn that whining won't make me give her any attention, so I ignore her until she stops her tantrum. I do try to get her to the car first to protect the other customers from her screaming, but if I can't because she's squirming and flailing, I let her pound on the ground and ignore the looks - I just keep her safe.

One thing I notice that I have done that doesn't work is to ask for her cooperation. I'll say, "Let's put these toys away, all right?" and she'll inevitably say, "No." and we'd be off. Now I just say, "Put the toys away," and more often than not, she does. If she doesn't, she gets a count to 10 and then a time out.

Good luck. Chloe is being especially trying these days. I know that when I'm at my wit's end, I just go to the bathroom, lock the door, and run the water for a few minutes.:)

    Bookmark   May 20, 2004 at 2:41PM
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