playdates - how to relate to a "passive" mother?
I have one 2 yr old son. I am trying to have playdates for him with other kids - boys or girls, same age, older or younger - it does not matter to me. I just want him to have a play time and another adult for me to talk to while they are playing. I had one mother/friend who has two kids - 9 mos boy and 3 yr old girl. I had them come over to our place once for 4 hours, and we went to their house for about 30-45 minutes once. Sometime the 3 yr girl and my 2 yr old son start to get too tired or confrontational over toys, so we just leave. But overall, the kids have a good time.
But my question is about the mother. Both times (at our house and their house), she is the one who sits in the same spot (chair, couch) all the time, and does not get up for anything. Not for meal time, not for keeping the children from hitting each other, etc. She just sits. I end up being the person who gets drinks and food for the kids, keep an eye to make sure one kid does not drink out of the other kid's cup, keep them apart when they argue about "who gets the toy", etc.
She does not wipe the kids' drools from their nose or mouth. She did get up once - to change the diaper for the 9 mos old, and help the 3 yr with the potty. But - I seriously say this -- I did not see her wash her hands, and the toilet was left dirty after the 3 yr old 'business' was over.
How do I look at this? Is she a person I should continue to have playdates with? Should I speak up before, during or after the playdate is over?