Did I hurt nanny's feelings?

jollyrdMarch 4, 2013

My son (21 mos) goes to a lovely nanny who keeps total of 5 kids at her house. He's been with her since 4 mos. I love her, he loves her and the other kids. Never once did we have a problem or disagreement. I never failed or delayed any payment. The house is always clean and neat. She gives them fresh healthy food and makes sure kids are healthy. She teaches them letters and numbers and other things. If any one gets sick - she calls and asks that the sick kid be removed to protect other kids. She makes sure we all have kids vaccinated, etc. I regularly ask her if my kid is behaving nice to other kids, and she never mentions anything seriously bad. I have considered myself blessed to have her in our live. Esp. since we live far away from any grandparents/extended family. The nanny is my best caregiver and adviser.

So, last Friday evening, after I picked the kid and almost got home - he threw up in the car. I stopped, cleaned him and changed clothes in the car, and headed home. As soon as I got home - he threw up again. Once I got a moment, I called nanny to ask her what he ate and if something was unusual. She told me the food he ate (which was all regular stuff he normally eats, nothing new or unique). But she also told me that one other kid was throwing up the day before, that his mother took him to doctor and they said it was a stomack bug, no medicine needed, and he was fine the next day. I said "thank you, this helps to know, I will take care of him and keep him on simple diet over the weekend."

[This is the follow up part of the story -- if you care to know -- We gave him a bath. I wanted him to eat and drink something simple - so I gave him water and plain yogurt, and small oatmeal cookie. He ate tiny amount, drank lots of water, and as I was getting ready to take him from the table - he threw up again. This time we gave him a quick wash and some water to drink, and put him to bed. He fell asleep fast. Slept through the night - 11 hours. When we woke up and checked on him - there was vomit in his bed again. Not sure whether it was there long time or not. He is a very good sleeper and we all woke up at about 6 -7 am. Anyhow, I started to clean up and found out the diaper was full of the most nastiest 'doodoo' ever. So we figured at this point his stomack was completely cleansed. He had no fever or other signs of sickness, played and acted normal all day.

We gave him breakfast - apple sauce, small toast and water and waited till lunch. He kept the food down. We gave him some sweet potato, and since Saturday afternoon he has been fine.]

I brought him to nanny Monday morning and she asked how he is feeling. I told her he is fine for last 24 hours and should be eating as normal. The next thing she tells me is what I am puzzled with. She basically told me that after 2 years of bringing the kid, I should stop asking about everything he eats, I should just trust that she gives kids healthy food (which I know that), that she keeps record on the computer of every meal (I know that and I've seen it). She said I was "drilling her" for every detail. I felt very bad that I made her feel this way, I appologized and asked that she understand -- I ask questions so that I know the facts about his life, -- and not because I doubt her.

She said I can go to her kitchen and check (which I do walk into the kitchen but I never snoop inside the cabinets or fridge). I do ask her - once or twice a week "what did he eat today? anything new? did he like anything new you gave him?" To which last week she very enthusiastically responded -"He loves coleslaw!" I never gave him coleslaw before - so that was very nice to know.

I think I should ask this sort of questions for my knowledge -- what does my kid like or not? I also like to know that if he had sweet potato and chicken for lunch - that I would try to give him something else for dinner at home.

Anyways, I asked her to please forgive me if I hurt her feelings, and that I did not mean to doubt her, but I am still puzzled as to what I can do to make sure she does not feel hurt.

To add to the story, I did notice that I may be the only mother who stops to chat with her in the morning and evening. I take few minutes to check on her, - she is an older lady (maybe 60s) with some minor health conditions, so I always ask how she is feeling. Then I give hug to the cute girl who loves to give hugs to me, she runs to me and calls my name every day. I noticed other mothers just drop their kid at the door and run away. I wonder if I am different and that may come across as overbearing. Does my interest in my kid and my nanny and other kids make me "too much nosey"?

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I don't think your questions are overbearing at all. I watched a friends 2 yr old when one of my kids was the same age. Her caregiver was leaving her child in his highchair, all day.

I ended up printing out the snack and daily lunch schedule so she would have a copy because I knew that if it was me, I would want to know what my child had eaten, personally I think that is very basic information. There could be a reaction, an upset tummy later, who knows but I knew it was hard for her to leave her child at all so I did things to ease the daily separation so she felt like she was still part of daily life, even if she was at work.

I would still verbally tell her that he ate xyz great but wasn't crazy about abc but that he ate a little. I would voluntarily tell her what we did that day (playdoh, painting, crayons, blocks, etc) so she felt like she waspart of it. I also took lots of pictures for her.

So, no, I think your questions are 100% reasonable and normal. I think your nanny needs to be less sensitive/defensive and look at the situation from your point of view.This is your child and you need to know what he is eating, how he is interacting with other kids, how he is behaving.

Perhaps talk to her and explain you do trust her but you are someone who likes to know details and because you are missing out when you are working it helps to know how he did that day and what he ate. It isn't about her, but about your son and you being a good Mom and having that daily information.

    Bookmark   March 12, 2013 at 3:08PM
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I have taken care of my grandaughter for the past year, and there can be some sensitivities when questioned... because, you know-we think we are doing a super job:-) She may have been having a bad day. May have been tired from dealing with the sick babies... just tired, you know. Sounds like she is a blessing to you. Don't over analyze it.

    Bookmark   June 1, 2014 at 5:44PM
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Sounds like she was just feeling defensive and probably bad about your child getting sick from another child in her care. You have every right to ask about what your child is eating in her care. Trust is fine and well, but this is your child, and you have a right to ask questions and for information.

    Bookmark   June 26, 2014 at 1:53AM
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