desperate mother of 3 year old/ bad behavior

erica_2009February 16, 2009

Iam a desperate mother of a 3 year old and everything i do doesnt work he refuses to talk when im around but if im not there hes talking with no problem hes a good boy for everyone else he can be at grandmas his uncle's or his godparents even my fiance's mothers house and he talks and he listens very rarely pitches fits (which is all the time when im around) as soon as i walk in he starts acting up not listening getting into things that he knows hes not supposed to get into he wont ask 4 anything he whines all the time no matter how much attention i give him it seems like its never enough i work with him on his word books he still acts like he cant talk and i know he can its so aggervating. We have tried everything we can think of he has a naughty chair when he is bad he has to sit in it that doesnt work he keeps getting up or screaming and we have a "neighbor" that lives upstairs from us and has called cps on us because of his fits and his screaming fits we cannot move at this moment because of how bad the economy is. But now because of cps and their threats we are afraid to punish him and i know he knows that. these ppl came in my house and told me in no uncertain terms that i could not punish him in anyway the only thing i can do is give him a timeout and im sorry but in my opinon TIMEOUTS only work on a small fraction of children. My fiance spends as much time with my son as he can because his biological father isnt there for him, (he knows my finace as daddy hes been the only daddy hes known for way over a year and a half) his behavior is out of control and its me and i dont know what to do anymore i just want him to listen and talk I feel its my fault cause after his "father" walked out on him i think i overcompensated i would watch my son stand in front of my living room window looking and waiting for that ***hole to show up 2 come get him (sometimes up to 3 hours) and he would just blow my son off and not come no phone call no nothing) because i felt so bad for my son i lacked on the "rules" and now its come back to bite me and i dont know how to correct it.

I NEED HELP!

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
momj47

Take a deep breath. This might be easier for us to read.

I am a desperate mother of a 3 year old and everything I do doesnÂt work.

He refuses to talk when IÂm around but if IÂm not there heÂs talking with no problem. HeÂs a good boy for everyone else. He can be at grandmas, his uncleÂs, or his godparents, even my fiancéÂs motherÂs house and he talks and he listens, very rarely pitches fits (which is all the time when IÂm around). As soon as I walk in he starts acting up, not listening, getting into things that he knows heÂs not supposed to get into.

He wonÂt ask for anything, he whines all the time no matter how much attention I give him. It seems like its never enough. I work with him on his word books, he still acts like he canÂt talk and I know he can, its so aggravating. We have tried everything we can think of.

He has a naughty chair when he is bad; he has to sit in it. That doesnÂt work, he keeps getting up or screaming, and we have a "neighbor" that lives upstairs from us and has called CPS on us because of his fits and his screaming fits. we cannot move at this moment because of how bad the economy is. But now because of CPS and their threats we are afraid to punish him and I know he knows that.

These people came in my house and told me in no uncertain terms that I could not punish him in any way. The only thing I can do is give him a timeout, and IÂm sorry but in my opinion TIMEOUTS only work on a small fraction of children.

My fiancé spends as much time with my son as he can because his biological father isnÂt there for him, (he knows my fiancé as daddy heÂs been the only daddy heÂs known for way over a year and a half).

His behavior is out of control and its me and I donÂt know what to do anymore. I just want him to listen and talk. I feel its my fault cause after his "father" walked out on him I think I overcompensated.

I would watch my son stand in front of my living room window looking and waiting for that ***hole to show up to come get him (sometimes up to 3 hours). He would just blow my son off and not come, no phone call, no nothing. Because I felt so bad for my son I lacked on the "rules" and now its come back to bite me and I donÂt know how to correct it.

I NEED HELP!

    Bookmark   February 16, 2009 at 3:54PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
erica_2009

thank you for redoing it for me momj47

    Bookmark   February 16, 2009 at 6:24PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
sweeby

If he can control his behavior for others but not for you, that tells me there are things you're doing that aren't bringing out the best in him. Do you have any ideas?

Some specific suggestions -- If he can talk, but won't talk for you, I'd do activities that *encourage* (not force) him to speak. Pretend not to understand him quite so easily. If you know he's thirsty, ask him if he wants water or milk and get him to answer verbally. Play with his toys together and narrate what you're doing: "Let's drive the cars to the store. What do you want to buy?"

You referred to 'word books' -- What are those? And are they therapeutic? Or just your way of differentiating between stories with words and picture books? And if he has 'word books' - does that mean he has been diagnosed with any developmental delays? Speech delays?

Now to CPS -- Surely they didn't tell you that you couldn't discipline him at all. I can see how they may have told you not to spank or hit him, and concievably not to yell at him -- which is good advice. But there are many options other than time out that work very well. Ask the adults he behaves well for what they do and how they do it. You might be surprised to learn some very simple and effective techniques. Things like saying "We can go outside as soon as we pick up your toys." instead of No! We can't go outside until we clean up in here - it's a mess!"

One thing I learned the hard way -- When you're frustrated, your kids can tell, and it puts them on edge and they behave worse, not better. Do what you can to get into a calm and relaxed state of mind, and try to keep your interractions with your son positive and happy. Praise the good stuff. Keep your corrections short, clear and kind. Phrase things positively "Gentle touches" instead of "Don't hit!" And keep your own voice quiet and calm.

    Bookmark   February 17, 2009 at 2:45PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo
erica_2009

thank you sweetby. and no he doesnt have a problem his dad bought him these books they have like pictures of animals with the name underneith and numbers all tho hes a wiz with numbers things like that. And yes CPS (we are in canada its called facts or something like that) and yes they did tell us the only thing that we could do was give him a time out and then threatened to take him from me, that was until my government stepped in and set them straight i was born and raised in the states. I do all the things you suggested talk to him in a clam tone i look him in the eye get down to his level (on my knees) but as soon as he is told that he has to do something that he dont want to do its becomes a big problem my mom says he is asserting his independece thats all but i dont know but thanks for the advice i really appreciate any info or tips i can try so thanks to everyone!

    Bookmark   February 17, 2009 at 3:42PM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
My 2 year old wont stay in bed! help!
My husband and I are having major issues getting out...
courtneyp102
My 2 years old doesn't walk, talk due to seizures
Dear All, My little daughter now 2, started fitting...
synchrony
Toddler Gifted - What to do?
I am not bragging (and my husband has administered...
rob333
4 year old won't potty train
My four year old son refuses to be potty trained. Any...
rynn01
Did I hurt nanny's feelings?
My son (21 mos) goes to a lovely nanny who keeps total...
jollyrd
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™