Time Outs...

Jacks_DadJanuary 26, 2002

....Our Son is 20 months and can and does understand consenquences. So, when he does not listen, I don't want to send him to his room, that is bad. I will not spank, so, Time-Outs are the next best thing I can think of.

So, Is it to soon to do time outs and if not how long? If it is to soon when would should one start using them?

Or any other thoughts?

Thank You

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terri_pacnw

We do them occasionally with my littlest one, who is also 20 mo.
No more than 2 minutes, and sometimes, I have to sit right next to him...With him, though usually a quick response of No, and turn him in another direction or finding something new to interest him is good enough...My oldest..now that's a different story...Alot of it with kids, is how their personality works...My three guys are all very different...and each one takes to different "tricks" or ways of discipline.

He will also sometimes stand on the wall with one or both of his older brothers if they are all in trouble...
He also does push ups....on his own...(it's quite cute)
It's something my husband has our oldest boy do (almost 10) when he needs to think about what he did, that he shouldn't of.

My husbands theory...If you are can't be smart, atleast you can be strong....

    Bookmark   January 26, 2002 at 9:35PM
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Kara_PA

My son is 19 months old, and we use modified time-outs, reserved for hitting/head butting, which he unfortunately still does -- usually when tired or frustrated. We tell him he has to sit in his chair (usually his booster, b/c we can strap him in, so it's safer) for a minute. He actually goes to the chair now. He doesn't like it at all.

Sit with him and explain what's going on; the reason that he's in the chair and what he can do differently the next time around. He might not get it all yet, but it's good (for us, I guess!) to begin that habit.

Oh -- if it's toy related, he loses the toy. We put it somewhere high, but visible, so he knows it's up there and why.

    Bookmark   January 26, 2002 at 10:07PM
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amandan

My husband and I use them for our daughter who is 2 1/2. We have used them for a while now. I tell her to go sit on her bed. She doesn't get to take anything with her. She doesn't get off of her bed when I tell her to go. I always go in there with her and tell her why she is in time out a time or two just to be sure that she understands and heard what I was telling her. Then I leave the room (my husband told her for a while not to get off the bed until we told her to and it finally worked where we don't have to tell her that part anymore). I usually tell her when she stops crying I will come back and get her. When she does, sometimes I wait for an extra minute and then go back to get her. I also tell her when I get her out why she was in time out and ask her if she is going to do that again. She usually will say yes, but I ask her again and help her say no. When she says no with me we go about the rest of our day. I know it sounds time consuming, it is not. It is the consistency that matters. She knows when she is doing something wrong that she gets timeout. It works for us. I have noticed that quite often when she has had time out once that day, she is usually good the rest of the day. Maybe not related? Don't know, just a few suggestions on what works When you find it, stick to it so they learn and understand! Good luck.

Amanda

    Bookmark   January 27, 2002 at 11:15PM
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nadastimer

We also do the time out and put him on his bed other times and DS is 2 1/2. Usually the going to his room thing works better. Just because if he can see you from his chair~ he bawls and screams and keeps getting up. So what we do is take him to his room, sit him on his bed and tell him when he's calmed down he can come back out and play. We shut the door but not all the way so he can just push it and come out. He'll cry for a bit and sometimes yell but then within a minute or a little more, he comes out and he's fine. It doesn't hurt him to do that for that little of time. The chair may work fine for now but later on you may have to try other options like the bedroom. You'll see why as the terrible two's get to the high point! LOL It's not that bad, though, I shouldn't try to scare you :-) Kids are also VERY funny at this stage. As they get older they learn more and understand no and listen better so it will get easier. They'll still have they're moments when they test you of course but that will always be there. Just be consistent with your punishment. Good luck.

~Leslie~

    Bookmark   January 28, 2002 at 10:07AM
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Stephanie_in_TN

I read a good rule of thumb once, one minute per year of age.

Time outs worked well with my oldest. The next one, though, has his own drummer and time outs didn't work with him. He's a no nonsense kind of kid, natural consequences work best with him. If he is unkind to people, he's removed from the group and he has to apologize (agonizing for him). If he misuses toys (throws them, etc) they toy is taken away for a couple days. He doesn't behave at the table, he has to leave without his dinner. He doesn't follow rules outside, he comes in for the rest of the day. With him, he has to lose something he wants (usually freedom) and it has to be a long time. He will just wait out a time out then go back to what he wants to do without a regret. He's the kid they don't talk about in parenting books.

    Bookmark   January 28, 2002 at 11:25AM
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nadastimer

Stephanie,
I'm not trying to start anything but I can't see how making a kid leave the table without getting to eat would help. They have to eat and I think punishing a child by not feeding them is a little harsh. I realize they won't starve but it's like telling them they can't have anything to drink or use the bathroom or something to me. That's just my opinion of course. I've always been the type who had to eat my meals or I would get sick in my stomach so I guess I worry about others being the same. Maybe you could make him have to eat alone? Or do you happen to give him his food later once he's settled and you're all done? I just worry about kids not getting anything.

~Leslie~

    Bookmark   January 28, 2002 at 12:40PM
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sedwa

DS is 3. He gets time outs on the stairs, usually with something small to eat,like a cracker, since the worst problems usually arise around dinnertime. He gets 3 minutes, and he knows he has to sit there alone. we set the timer on the microwave so he can listen for the beep and them come back downstairs. it doesn't always work. sometimes we have to sit with him, but we don't talk to him and he's generally quiet too. When he's done, we talk about why he was on time out, and ask if he can stop doing what he's in trouble for. once he agrees and repeats whatever we decide on "no more hitting" or "no more throwing toys" he's done and that's that.

I prefer not to use my son's bedroom because I don't want to associate bedtime, bed or sleep with being in trouble. DS is a terrific sleeper so far, and I'd be devistated if I created a situation where bedtime=punishment.

    Bookmark   January 29, 2002 at 2:51AM
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nadastimer

Sedwa,
We don't have any problems with DS thinking going to bed is a punishment. Sometimes he tells me it's time to go to bed! He's not left in his room for ever. We just tell him to stay in there until he calms down because he usually goes in there when he's really throwing a fit. Once we're out of his site, he throws his little fit a little more and then calms down. I swear he's never been in there longer than 2 mins. and he comes out just fine and doesn't start back up again. Well, actually I think there was a time he decided he was sleepy and went to sleep while in his room! LOL Course it was one of those out like a light things. I think he just needs his time to calm down on his own. We have more luck with that then sitting him on a chair because in the chair he goes on and on for longer. So I guess it depends on how you present the whole thing.

~Leslie~

    Bookmark   January 29, 2002 at 8:45AM
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terri_pacnw

Hmm we don't let them go with out food earlier than 4. But a 4, you don't like dinner...you don't have to eat it. But most of time you have to sit and watch the rest of us eat.
And you don't get anything but water until the next meal..
And, if you don't eat "enough" good food at dinner, you don't get dessert if it's offered...(not always offered).
And I think the exchange above proves that....we each parent our children differently and each child also requires different "tricks" to our basic parenting ideals..
:o)

    Bookmark   January 30, 2002 at 3:45PM
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the4toofs

I have always heard a minute for every year they are old.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2002 at 11:26AM
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