livvyandbellaJanuary 23, 2009

I am writing concerning my 5 year old granddaughter. She is a sweet girl. She began kindergarden this year. She is very shy. Does play with friends. When you ask her what she did in school, she says, I don't know. My son and daughter-in-law are concerned because she is so shy. What would you suggest?

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Don't do anything, and don't ask her what she did in school. She sounds pretty normal for a five year old. Let her tell what she did in school if she wants. The more you all pester her, the less she'll tell. And look at how everyone answers questions she asks. If she asks "why is the sky blue", does the adult say "I don't know, but lets find out." She hears the "I don't know" part, and will answer questions asked of her the same way (this happened in our family).

There are treatments for extreme shyness, if it's a real problem, but be careful with that label.

You say she does have and play with friends. Maybe she's just not as outgoing as other kids, tending to watch and wait and gauge the situation to figure out her place. Kids react so differently to social situations, some plunging right in, some hanging back until they are comfortable and have figured things out.

Cut her some slack and let her take the lead in those conversations. If she has a quiet time every day with mom or dad where she feels safe and feels that she can talk about school, she'll probably start talking, slowly at first, to test the waters, but then, when she's confident, she'll probably start telling more. But don't ask, let her tell.

Good luck.

    Bookmark   January 23, 2009 at 1:07PM
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My son, who is now almost 44, hated to have to answer questions about school when he was in kindergarten. But if not questioned, important things would get talked about when he felt like it. Usually at dinner when everyone talked about their day.

    Bookmark   January 31, 2009 at 1:32AM
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Our teacher suggested we ask "What did you like best about school today?"

    Bookmark   January 31, 2009 at 2:11AM
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