Severe behavior in my 3-year-old! Help!
I am a mother of a 3 year old. He is very bright, assertive. Because of his big size he has always been treated bigger (even had to be in the 3 year old room at day care since age 1 because he is too big and rough for the little ones...he tries to be gentle, but just is not aware of his size)
Anyway, I split up with my husband who was becoming very mentally and emotionally abusive and it was slowly progressing to physical. He broke into the house a month later, severly hurting me. Because of this my child was taken by CPS.
I am about to get him back. During his all day visits with me, he is well behaved. I do notice some problems with not listening and running off in stores. But this is to be expected. The more visits we have and the longer they last, the more he listens to me. However,his behavior at his foster mother's has become out of control. It was already bad, and it would go from good periods to bad periods. Which (the counselor says) is also to be expected. Now it is increasingly worse. This is a great woman and I was lucky to get a foster mom of her patience and kindness. I feel so bad. I know when i get him back fully in a month, he will likely start these behaviors at home. They include:(at her house and daycare) running off, tantrums, taking his clothes off (at day care), hitting, biting. he undid his seatblet on the highway and climbed into the front seat forcing the foster mom to get quickly to the shoulder. Now at night he wont go to sleep...and because he knows it makes his foster mom mad will then wake up his 18-month-old foster brother on purpose when he gets in trouble at night. His counselor says it seems he is very smart and knows that the worse the behavior, the bigger the reaction he gets...and that he seems to be entertained by getting a reaction out of people. I know some things can be ignored...but others can not because they are just too inappropriate or dangerous.
I was told 1-2-3 Magic was working well for him.But I don't know where it was being used. This was just something I heard the case worker tell the counselor when we started with this new one...no other details about who told her that. I don't think his foster mom is using it at its fullest. She is very stressed.
How should I prepare for what is to come? Has anyone tried subliminal message CD's at night? I have seen one advertised for children's behavior. Anyone know of any good videos aimed at his age group that he can watch that teaches about misbehaving? I can't seem to find anything. What about any diets and exercise programs? I am trying to find things to supplement the counseling and discipline programs.
I know it will take a lot of work and patience. But I know no one else in my situation. Even the counselor is looking for new ideas. he is about to start getting individual counseling.
I don't need any lecture on what he has been through and this is expected and ask my counselor. I am a health care professional and am also working closely with his foster mom and counselor. I just need some other suggestions and stories about things that may have worked for anyone with toddlers that had severe behavior problems!
Any other moms out there raising a young child alone who at one point saw their father daily and loved him...and now will never see him again? Mine will not ever see his dad again. He is losing his parental rights and I have also changed my address, phone number, vehicle, and job as well as won a VPO against him for me and my child. I know one day the questions will start. I don't want to get rid of and hide all pictures of him. Some I have because they are good pictures with my son in them. I don't believe in cutting people out of photos. So I know he will see them.
Sorry so long, but I am trying to be prepared to have a normal, happy life for me and my son after an abnormal and un-happy situation!