terrified of sids.....help!!
Hello, I am a new mommy. My daughter is now 12 days old and in wonderful health. I am so incredibly terrified of her dying that it keeps me up most nights. I get this horrible feeling toward the evening, it feels kind of like being homesick. I will just sit and stare at her, most of the time I end up bawling like a baby. I can't imagine my life without her. I know I shouldn't be so scared of SIDS but my infant brother died when he was 2 1/2 months old. I was too young to remember it but I remember the story very vividly. My mom put him on his stomach like all moms were told to and she checked on him and found him blue. I don't smoke, don't drink. I breastfeed. I can't even let her sleep in the pack n play we put in our room because I can't see her unless I get up. I am currently putting her in her Boppy pillow in the middle of the bed and then I use half of it as my pillow so that my face is right next to her. I don't really sleep at night, it's more of a light rest. I hear every noise she makes. I'm driving myself completely crazy and I can't make it go away. I am planning on getting a movement sensor when she moves to her crib (if I can ever let her) and I have found this Respisense monitor that clips on to her diaper and monitors her breathing. I have to talk to my boyfriend about it but I'm sure I'll be getting that too. The Respisense can be used wherever they sleep but I know a big part of me will be afraid it's not working. I am seriously to the point where I want to get some psychiatric help. I just want to enjoy my baby but my brain is not helping me too much. Has anyone else ever experienced fear like this? Is there any advice you could give me? Thank you so very much in advance. P.S. I know I sound a bit crazy right now, but it is night-time. During the day I'm as normal as the next person!