how to make a kid want to do well
I usually post on the step family forum ... but really I am at my wits end...so I figured I would copy this post into the parents forum as well to get some more input
I suppose "make" is the wrong word. But, really how do you get a kid that just doesnt seem to care to give a crap about school.
I have posted before about ss11 and his issues with school. He has adhd and has consistantly had troubles in school. We revamped his IEP this year to include a number of things that we felt were important but still are having troubles.
I have been working and preping ss for WEEKS for a big test that he had coming up in math. Fractions and converting them with the equivilants and all that jazz... Well, the test was this past week. He was at moms house this week so I didnt find out about it until our pt conference on friday. His teacher pulled out the test and he made 20% and F. There were all of two correct questions on the test. Apparently he had a study guide and the teacher even basically gave them exactly what was on the test. He told them to concentrate on memorizing their 1/2,1/5,1/3,1/4... He knew this was a huge test. He knew his grades were low and in order for him to get back on safety patrol he had to bring them up... He didnt study AT ALL. He lied to bm said he didnt have homework... Actually last week he also lied to dh when he picked him up for school and said he had his homework and then later called me from BM's house to get the answers for his science study guide ... for a test the next day... he didnt bring home his science book because he "doesnt know" (shoulder shrug)
So, after a week of lieing he failed a major math test and more than likely the science test as well because he bother to look over the answers for that one either.
But, it is like it doesnt phase him in the least. He got upset for a minute at the school when we found out about the lies and not studying...but that was it. He was upset because he might not get to go back on safety patrol but he didnt put in ANY effort into actually getting back on safety patrol. I am so frustrated at this point. We talked about the test for weeks... if he would have studied even a little bit... he would have passed.
Now I do lay part of the blame on the teacher for not informing us of the exact day of the test and I do lay some blame in bms lap for not taking a more active role and making him study the science at least. But, the fact is I cant be there 24 hours a day..none of us can. Next year he will be in middle school. 6 classes 6 different teachers with different rules and homework and what not. I have got to get him to take some personal responsibility. But, I just dont know how. I have tried thing after thing different rewards different punishments... I even told DH I was so frustrated I was seriously considering paying him for good grades (something that I am really against) But, I dont think that would even get him motivated. What do I do? How can I get him to care .... at all really?