Holiday Gifts for Ex-Husband... WTF?!!!!

silverswordDecember 3, 2008

So my daughter (6) is on the phone with her dad just now and I hear him say that he wants a wallet for Christmas. My jaw dropped. Excuse me? I already got him a shirt from her sports team for her to send. Is it just me, or is his request a little weird?

If she tells me that's what she wants to get Dad for Christmas, it's fine. I'll get him the stinkin' wallet. And he'll get the shirt for his birthday. But does anyone else here feel really strange doing this sort of thing?

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Hey Silver.....When my kids were young and they would visit their dad for Christmas I would send gifts. For both him and his wife. I wanted the kids to have something to give their dad and SM from them. They would consist of things like specialty coffee, smoked salmom, teas, BBQ sauces, candles and so on. I would say that maybe I spent 40 bucks between the two of them. Nothing more. It is funny though that EX and SM never thought to take the kids shopping for me. The kids started to feel so badly about it that I started to give them money at Christmas so that they could get me something. I was single then and I did sit through many a Christmas with nothing to open but then I had that happen many times when I was married to their dad too. The last Christmas we spent together he bought me a gun....not a smart thing to do.LOL.

If you EX is requesting a wallet that is brazen of him. If DD asked what he wanted then I think he should have given a few inexpensive choices or told her that she could make him something. It's a funny thing how some people expect to be so well treated when they seldom do that for others. Your ex might, I don't know. If your DD asked he could have also said that whatever she got for him would be fine.

I did birthdays and father's day for ex for a little while until one father's day I had the kids call him and ask if they could stop by and drop off a gift. He was suppost to have them but declined. He said they could. When I got them there his entire family was there having a cook out for father's day. I went home and cried. That was it for the gift thing for me.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2008 at 12:07AM
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I think that holiday gifts from kids to your ex should be inexpensive and have meaning. I am more for the homemade gifts.

As for the wallet....let dd go to the dollar store and pick out a cheap wallet! At 6 she will probably not know it is cheap and he will have to be humble and tell her how much he loves it!

    Bookmark   December 4, 2008 at 9:42AM
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Got one for ya Silver

Home/hand made gifts are the best, right? (high five mom2emall)

Have her make him a duct tape wallet. My kids can probably find better videos than this. They made a lot of them a few summers ago.

I'm laughing so hard right now. That'll larn him.

Here is a link that might be useful: How to make a duct tape wallet

    Bookmark   December 4, 2008 at 1:03PM
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Believer, that's awful (but the gun did make me laugh!!)

I agree with Mom2 and Jessy, homemade gifts are best. We did those last year, but this year I just don't have the time and energy.

Thanks for the video Jessy! I can just imagine the look on his face!!

Or like Mom2 said, get him one from the dollar store (barbie wallet, sir?)

    Bookmark   December 4, 2008 at 5:18PM
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All fine and dandy, funny, for sure....
but do not use your child to express your own distain for the partner of your failed marriage.

Wait and listen to what the child would like to do. Consider that before pulling out the duct tape. Eventually your 6 year old child will be 16 and will remember what you encouraged her to do.

    Bookmark   December 4, 2008 at 5:22PM
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Amy, I'm frustrated and I'm venting. I thought he was being nervy. I think any divorced parent would be lucky to have their former spouse pick them out a gift that is expensive (over $10) and thoughtful. If you consider the gifts most of us gave our parents, they were tacky, lopsided and still sticky. When did this become necessary for me to make a trip to the mall for him?

I'm just a little offended by your presumption that I would encourage my daughter in a nasty way to make/buy something mean for her dad, whom she loves very much.

*snicker snicker, here honey, make this for your dad*

As I stated in my post, I have already purchased a t-shirt for him, after discussing it prior with my daughter. She approved and the t-shirt was bought (four weeks ago).

I think everyone was just having a bit of fun and empathizing with me rather than advising me to encourage my daughter to give him something inappropriate.

And, on another note, I think the duct tape wallets are really cute, and totally appropriate for a child to make for a father. (not a six year old, the tape is too sticky, but would be great for a ten year old)

If I let her go to the store, dollar store or big bin store or even a department store, unless I guided her into the mens section she would think nothing of picking him out a barbie or sponge bob wallet and thinking it was super cool and that dad would love it. What kid wouldn't? Is it my responsibility to guide her to the right section, guide her on how many pockets/tooling/shape it should have, and buy it and wrap it and mail it? Isn't this a little extreme to you?

Now, if she were to say, I want to buy Dad a wallet, and it should look like this, I would think nothing of helping her buy it. But the kid has no clue.

What do you think, ladies? Do I set her free in the kids department, or do I guide her and influence her decision?

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 2:13PM
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Do you have a monetary limit in mind, free of all the hurts of the past.....just kidding!!!!! I would start with a limit that you feel is reasonable and go from there. I still think that the handmade gifts are a good option. Hand prints, garden stepping stones, framed art work of DDs and so on. If he should mention something to you about wanting a wallet should you decide not to get one then I would respond with "I didn't think you were serious, I must have misunderstood.".....They do make those sports type of wallet out of lightweight nylon, my son likes those, that might be a good choice. ....I would influence her decision. She is 6. So glad I don't do that anymore.....:o>....Is he remarried? I always found it interesting that my ex's wife didn't feel the need to take the kids shopping for their father/her husband. I bought for my 1st husband's ex so that SD33 had something to give to her mom. It certainly can add to the stress of the Holidays.

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 6:08PM
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I would just tell/explain to your daughter that her Dad's gift is already bought. The t-shirt. He'll just have to wait till next year for the wallet. You can always explain to her too how neat it will be that Dad thinks he's getting a wallet. Won't he be surprised!!! haha

    Bookmark   December 5, 2008 at 11:17PM
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Thanks Khandi. I think I'll just hold the shirt for his birthday, and help her pick him out a wallet. I don't mind getting him a gift (we send gifts to his parents every year "from" my dd that are usually homemade, mostly by me) but it was just the nerve of telling her what he wants unsolicited. I have not told my dd what I "want" for Christmas, and I live with her!!!!!! I am of the opinion that if you are not a kid, it's rude to tell someone what you want unless they ask, or unless it's your parents or your spouse. But that's just me :)

    Bookmark   December 6, 2008 at 2:02PM
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Guide and influence her by giving her limited choices, i.e. do you want to give this wallet or this one to him? Don't set her free. Yes, I find adults asking for what they want, especially from a child, audacious, but that's just me.

    Bookmark   December 9, 2008 at 9:12AM
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