Children Dressing To Provocative

msbehavinDecember 29, 2007

In the past year 1/2, I have witnessed a straight A beautiful little girl go from eleven to twelve l/2 years old change her style of clothing from a nicely dress child to a sleezy looking little girl. Her attitude has become very nasty. She is allowed to shop at one of the mall clothing stores known for their skimpy underwear and well padded up-lifting bras. She wears very tight painted on jeans, spaghetti string tops which are cut low in the cleavage. She does wear sweaters over the top with the top six inches of buttons open. That alone make the outfits more sexy looking. I am so saddened by this and I have tried to drop hints to mom. With this outfit she wears high heals or boots. I feel little girls dressing like is sending a message and being noticed which is what they want. The sad part of all of this is the message she is sending is exactly as she dresses. I feel ribbon string underwear is way wrong for a little girl. Is this the type of thing you are witnessing with your young girls. We need to bring up our standards and we can do this by dressing in good taste and making sure our children are doing the same.

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imamommy

My 8 yr old stepdaughter has been trying to dress "sexy" since she was 6. We are fighting a losing battle because her mom encourages it by saying it's cute. It's very sad that the clothing manufacturers and the clothing industry has moved towards this new "fashion", which I consider it exploiting children (remember the scandal with Brooke Shields in the 70's?) I have found it very difficult to find clothes that aren't "slutty" or inappropriate.

With all the publicity about pedophiles, warnings of the dangers of online predators, and new laws to protect children, such as Megans Law, etc. you would think that one of the things parents would do to protect their children from being exploited or victimized, is take a stand against this so called "fashion" and refuse to allow children to dress that way. Most kids under 16 don't have a source of income to get their clothes and even if they are old enough to buy them, they should be discouraged and perhaps taught to have more self respect. It's the parent's responsibility to protect their child and society as a whole that is responsible for this new trend.

    Bookmark   December 30, 2007 at 10:24PM
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popi_gw

That trend is happening, here, as well. Its aweful, and I think as parents, we must take a stand. Just learn to say "no", or just give them a choice or more appropriate clothing.

But the shops do sell the products, so that is not very supportive for the parents.

Alternatively we must educate the girls as to how that dressing will make them a "target" and how they will deal with the unwelcome comments and advances.

Making them well aware of what that dressing will say about them, is the way to go, I think.

P

    Bookmark   December 31, 2007 at 1:12AM
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fuzzywuzzy

How does the mother dress? You're fighting a losing battle if mom dresses like that also.

I work with a 47 yr. old divorcee with 2 young children who dresses as the OP described. Skin tight pants which display string underwear when she bends over, tops that don't meet the waistlines of the pants or skirt that she is wearing and leave her midrfit exposed, spaghetti straps, no bra - she's looking for a man and sending terrible messages to her children. Just makes me sick.

    Bookmark   December 31, 2007 at 12:50PM
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imamommy

fuzzy, that's exactly what is happening with my step daughter. Her mom's only goal in life seems to be to have a man and she dresses her girls like her. She thinks it's cute and has even put thong underwear on SD when she was six or seven. I found a note my stepdaughter wrote, which was her planning her life I guess. She had written a list of boys she can marry (all older boys she has crushes on), a list of cars & wedding colors. She then listed her job choices, which included strip dancing. SHE'S 8 YRS OLD!! I went to get her the other day and found her dancing in her underwear in her room. It is very disturbing to me. I raised one daughter-17 and have never dealt with something like this. She's in counseling and we talk to her all the time, but as long as her mom thinks it's fine & teaches her that it's ok, there isn't much we can do. The good thing is that she lives with us full time and visits her mom on weekends/summer. She always comes back with temp tattoos on her belly or arms.

    Bookmark   December 31, 2007 at 3:12PM
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sweeby

It's really scary, the messages our society is sending to our daughters. In the popular media:

- Dress sexy. It's cute at all ages.
- Underwear should complement your outfit since it's a fashion accessory that will show.
- "Hot" is the new word for pretty. "Hot" also means sexy, fashionable or fun. There's no need to differentiate between these various meanings because they're all the same thing, right?
- You can never be too thin or too rich, and all press is 'good press'. You can behave badly so long as it attracts media attention and you have a cute smile.
- Rehab is the new vacation of choice.
- Dancing emulates having sex, just with your clothes on.
- It's OK to have sex - everybody does it. Oops - It's not OK -- Just say "no" -- Yes // No -- But for goodness' sake, let's not discuss when the time is right to say 'yes'.
- If you do have sex and you're a girl, you're a slut. If you don't, there's probably something wrong with you. If you're a guy and you don't, there's really something wrong with you.
- Better use a condom. If you don't, you're stupid. But if you do, that means you planned to have sex, which makes you a slut.
- There's such a thing as "too many" sexual partners for a girl to have. And the number changes abruptly between "girls we date" and "girls we marry." Of course, too many sexual partners also makes a girl a slut.
- Not having sex makes her a tease. Not having sex with a particular guy after a certain number of dates makes her frigid.
- Oral activity isn't 'real' sex.
- It's somehow "noble" and "moral" for a uneducated, immature teenage girl with no financial or logistical resources to keep her baby, and "unethical" "selfish" or even "murderous" for her to make any other decision.
- A girl's worth is measured by her boyfriends and popularity.

As a society, and as individuals, we need to do so much better than this.

    Bookmark   December 31, 2007 at 4:30PM
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justnotmartha

Sweeby for President in 2008!!

    Bookmark   January 1, 2008 at 12:44AM
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mom2emall

Luckily my sd's, who both live with me full-time, do not dress that way. Most times I buy their clothes on clearance and they are not even with me when I shop. I buy them cute outfits and they never complain. None of the outfits are ever revealing or tight fitting! They are both close to the age of the girl your talking about. I buy my sd's bras (only tank top style sports bras-I feel padded cutsie bras are too grown-up for them) and I buy their underwear--girl cut of course-no thongs here! I can not believe that a mom would allow her daughter to dress the way your describing at such a young age!

How do you know the mother? If she is a relative or close friend maybe you could approach the topic if you think it will do any good. Otherwise you should probably stay out of it, the mother is allowing this behavior so she probably feels it is no big deal.

Sweeby, what you say is sadly so true and scary! It really scares me!

    Bookmark   January 1, 2008 at 2:27AM
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true_panacea

This is a hot topic for me. I have 6 daughters I am raising. Struggled with my now 21 year old who grew up without getting pregnant or doing drugs so I feel I am ahead of the game. My 15.5 year old decided, for whatever reason, to listen to me...that I might know something. Which was weird. Her and her friend will sit and listen to me wide eyed for hours while I pontificate about boys and what it is they are thinking at that age. Lets face it...when boys are 15 they have one thing on their minds. There are some exceptions...but on the whole I think it is generally accepted that boys see girls in two categories; the girls who do (these are the easy targets who they don't take on dates...but rather "hook-up with")...and girls who don't (future wife material girls they dream about and chase) The chase is another interesting dynamic. Most boys will chase you as long as your back is turned and you are running away...the minute you turn and chase back...game over. My advise in a nutshell is dress sweet not slutty(boys really do dig it) and keep running until your ready for bigger stuff. This doesn't mean they cannot fill their cuteness tank with plenty of flirting, but date in groups and being "unavailable" until you are ready for the big stuff is advisable. Most great memories in high school and junior high are with your freinds, not old boyfriends. They have been having so much fun hanging with each other and groups of friends and are grateful to leave the drama of relationsips behind for now. They are both absolutely GORGEOUS girls so I am sure that they are on most boys wifey short list. They dress sweet and I breath a sigh of releif every day I drop them off at school and see the crazy short skirts and low cut tops that their peers are wearing and am grateful not to have to deal with that !

I heard another great thing from a coworker. Her mother pointed out to her when she was a teen that as much as she liked sharing and listening to monday morning stories about people and what they did each weekend at parties or out with friends...she just better make sure that none of them are ever about her. That made a huge impression on her...enough to always conduct herself as if it would be a monday morning story.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2008 at 7:06PM
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finedreams

Girls often dress and act in order to get attention. I never had a problem with DD dressing inappropriatelly or slutty. But she periodically goes through stages of weird clothes. Miss- matched clothes or ripped jeans or 5 layers or something is so old and ugly and she would continue wearing it.

I have a lot of students who dress up very provocativelly. I notice that when moms raise kids by themselves and work two-three jobs and are never home, girls dress very slutty. They are screaming for attention.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2008 at 6:58PM
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finedreams

I don't understand how can young girls wear thongs! I hate them and find them so uncomfortable. Does anyone find them comfortable? haha

    Bookmark   January 5, 2008 at 7:02PM
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oh_my

In my entire life I have only ever worn a thong when it was meant to be viewed, and children should never be viewed in that manner, so why would any child ever wear a thong? Why would they even make such things for children? I wore cartoon character underwear under my clothes until I was an adult, and I still wear them at times.

Now that I'm married (and much heavier than I once was), those thongs only get worn on laundry day!!

    Bookmark   January 5, 2008 at 7:28PM
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stephanie_in_ga

I once told a friend that I don't understand how even grown women can be comfortable with such low cut blouses that they can't bend over without exposing themselves. Or wear 3 inch heels, for what purpose? Not comfort! I just don't know how women don't feel ridiculous in such fashions. It all just screams "Look at me! I need you to look at me!"

And then I chaperoned an 8th grade dance. I realized that women who dress that way are comfortable because they've been doing it all their lives. Their mothers dressed them that way, or allowed it anyway. I mean, really, 12 year olds in push-up bras, low cut skin tight dresses and 3 inch heels? (And the boys were mostly in baggy jeans LOL).

It saddens me to see young girls dressed like they're on the way to the clubs. It shows their priority is not their education or achievements. It shows exactly what they think of themselves and what their purpose is in this life- to be on display.

Today I took my 8 y/o shopping for a new dress and shoes to wear to the theater (cuz she's an old jeans and sneakers kind of girl and had nothing appropriate). She told me on the way that she wanted more grown up shoes, with heels. I just said "We'll see what we find." At the shoe store she liked the look of the heel, tried the shoe on, and made a disgusted face "OH NO! I hat these shoes. My feet hurt and I can't walk!" She ended up with slip on ballet style flats! LOL! Cracked me up! I knew she'd say that, she's her mother's daughter.

Remember the college girl who made the news when a flight attendent asked her to leave the plane b/c her outfit was too skimpy? Honestly, I think she has the *right* to dress how she wants. But her mother stood by and defended her. My mom and I had a good laugh over that, that a mother would say "sure hon, you look great for your 15 minutes of TV fame!" My mother would have to me to cover up! LOL.

So that same friend from the mentioned conversation asked me "Well, don't you like to feel pretty?" Sure, I guess. But truly, if I had to choose, I'd rather feel smart. There will always be mothers who think it's cute when their little daughters dress like pop stars gone wild. They won't mind when their daughters grow up to star in a "Girls Gone Wild" video. I don't know why. I'll keep praising my daughter for what she learns and accomplishes, not her hip swing and lip pout.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2008 at 8:21PM
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imamommy

There are definitely ways to look pretty & feel sexy without showing off everything you have. It's just my opinion that some of the mothers that dress that way (and think it's fine or cute for their children to dress that way) have low self esteem and need the attention of every guy they pass to feel good about themselves. (and I think there are some parents that live vicariously through their children perhaps) It really sends the wrong message to our children (boys & girls) because everything sweeby said is true.

    Bookmark   January 5, 2008 at 8:36PM
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sweeby

I used to work with a woman who had the kind of body no man could tear his eyes away from. She was also very bright and good at her (professional) job, but she dressed to play up her sex appeal, and was known about the office (well, around the whole company really), for her body and partying lifestyle more than her work.

Anyway, the time came when she was offered a transfer and promotion to our Tokyo office, and she and I were discussing whether or not she should take it. She said she thought her mother wouldn't be happy about the move and I countered that I imagined her mother would have a fabulous time bragging about how her daughter was taking this great job in Japan. But she said no, her mom would be more proud of her for winning a wet T-shirt contest. And she meant it. It shed a new light on things...

    Bookmark   January 5, 2008 at 11:46PM
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dally099

how is she getting money for these clothes? are you giving it to her and letting her go shopping, maybe its time to reign her in a bit on this one. you should be buying her clothes not her. simple, my oldenst daughter dosnt have much say in what she is wearing, also is your daughter in acitivities? put her in something where the other girls dont dress this way, sports maybe, its tough everywhere we look there are women with their boobs spilling out, and no underwear on! we have to start working on their self esteem when they are young, and again im sorry but she shouldnt be buying her own clothes if this is how she is choosing to dress, and a surprise lunch date at her school could be a way of ensuring that she is not changing back into this stuff when she gets there. good luck!

    Bookmark   January 7, 2008 at 11:37AM
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