estranged from children

chichiloverDecember 16, 2011

Does anyone write about this subject anymore? I was reading a few old posting from 2007 last night and wasn't able to get through the whole list. I'm a grieving parent with these troubles and it's hard to find a forum for this subject. Thanks for any feedback!! If this is the place to be, I'll share my sad story.

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Clefwalker

Someone wrote on a previous forum: "My problem with my adult daughter began when she started seeing a therapist. I'm not sure if it was the therapy process itself or if the therapist embraces the blame-the-parents dogma--all I know is that my relationship with my daughter has dramatically changed." I have the same problem, although it had started before and the therapy seem to exacerbate it. My daughter's stepfather was emotionally abusive to her, and she hates him but now, after I finally left him, it has become my fault, that I let her be in that situation. She wants to have a relationship with me but is so angry that it is impossible to have a decent conversation with her without watching every little word I say. I made choices which I now regret with all my heart and I have apologized and expressed all I can, but she cannot let go of the anger. She is well into her 30s and I fear that her whole life will be ruined because of this inability to take responsibility now for her adult life. I have to let go of the guilt and the heartbreak, but I wish I knew how to help her.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2011 at 8:13PM
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dreamgarden

"My daughter's stepfather was emotionally abusive to her, and she hates him but now, after I finally left him, it has become my fault, that I let her be in that situation. She is well into her 30s and I fear that her whole life will be ruined because of this inability to take responsibility now for her adult life."

If she is getting counseling then it sounds like she is taking responsibility for her life.

How long did the emotional abuse last? Were you aware of it while it was occurring?

Do you think there ought to be a time limit on how long it should take her to 'get over it'?

Perhaps the 'problem' is that she doesn't feel she can trust you to protect her?

She is an adult now. She can call her own shots and decide who she wants as friends. Why not work from this premise and give her all the time she needs to heal? Like a friend would...

    Bookmark   January 3, 2012 at 12:36PM
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