20 year old son is verbally and physically abusive to mother

monayraeDecember 19, 2012

I have a 20 yr old that lives in my home,with his 18 year old girlfriend and 2 week old baby. My son since age 15,has been in juvenile,jail and probation for years. He refused to finish school at 15 so we put him thru a military school and still didn't graduate. he has busted my lips open,kicked me in my face,punched me to the floor and kicked me while down, cracked my wrist,thru a kiwi fruit at my back so hard it exploded an my back swelled and turned purple instantly!He has threatened to kill me , choked me,spit in my face constantly! I am called names constantly and have 3 assaults against him since age 15. He ended up getting a 18 yr old pregnant and they just had a baby 2 weeks ago. He pays no bills, drives my car with no license,he is on felony probation so i cant call police or he will go to prison,If i try and tell him not to talk to his mother the way he does, he attacks me. He refuses to leave and i sleep with my door locked at night in fear, i hear him attacking his girlfriend daily and i cant step in or i'm attacked, i told her to tell me when she wants him gone an i will call police, but she is to scared also. so last night i was attacked and now i'm spitting and coughing blood, so i called my brother in-law and he helped them pack and move to her mothers. I now cannot see my grandson and i'm scared for the baby and mother,and myself.. what should i do? i cant fight anymore but i get so mad i find myself fighting like a champ with this animal! i cant just sit there and be called names daily and i finally stuck up for myself and now i am fearful! What should i do? i cant say im not guilty for the fights because i do get loud and mad when he takes advantage of me, financially and emotionally, sometimes his yelling goes on for days before i snap! what should i do? i don't want to see him in prison, just want him to be adult and grow up.

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Since you will not call the police, there's not much else other than moving....

    Bookmark   December 20, 2012 at 5:44PM
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You're participating in his assaults by NOT reporting him.

How will you feel if next week he abuses that little baby and it dies? Will you feel badly that you could have done the right thing and reported it, but didn't? or will you just be glad it wasn't you he killed?

I'm sorry--really I am--to be so blunt, but you're describing a very serious situation. Your son SHOULD be in jail. He won't learn to grow up and be responsible until those around him insist that he face the appropriate consequences for his actions.

At the very least, Monday morning, call your lawyer, sit down with him/her, tell them everything. Find out what your responsibilities are (could you be charged with a crime if you DON'T report the crimes you know he's committed?) and what your options for protecting yourself are. Get the right answers from a professional in your jurisdiction.

And while you're at it, please also research shelters in your area. Keep that info on you, just in case you or the baby's mother need it.

I do wish you the best, but I also hope you realize what you have to do and do it.

    Bookmark   December 21, 2012 at 3:42PM
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Just wanted to say thank you for your comment. My son has been asked to leave from his girlfriends mothers home. he is now looking for a place to stay. i can honestly say i feel much better that hes not around his child,girlfriend,or myself. i have the house locked up and im sleeping with my phone and gun. I would hate to see him in prison, but i guess i have no choice if he comes around threatening me. I dont want to put him in prison but he knows his probation stipulations. Im getting to old for this, and being alone doesnt help. thank you again, i see a solution in sight.

    Bookmark   December 21, 2012 at 11:31PM
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Another vote for letting him go to jail, God knows it sounds like he deserves it. If he never gets the punishment he has earned, no wonder he thinks he can do and say as he pleases.

    Bookmark   December 23, 2012 at 9:48AM
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Maybe prison will give him the counselling that he needs. It is not normal to behave like that.

Poor child who has a father like that.

    Bookmark   December 27, 2012 at 3:22AM
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You have already received good advice. I would recommend the following:

1. Change your locks.
2. Notify your son's probation officer as well as the police of your son's actions.
3. Pursue a restraining order so that he goes on notice there will be consequences if he approaches you again.
4. Get counseling to learn healthy boundaries.

I am sorry you are in this situation, but if you continue to permit these behaviors, things will only get worse.

You are not responsible for his choices. If he chooses violence the consequences, including prison, are on him.

    Bookmark   January 4, 2013 at 11:25PM
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"i have the house locked up and im sleeping with my phone and gun."

Good. NOBODY should have to put up with this.

He may change, he may not. In any case, you got him to adulthood in one piece. Now its up to him to 'man up' and get his life on track.

    Bookmark   January 13, 2013 at 3:43PM
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