How to Get Help...from Spouse

Sketcher25December 6, 2013

I have found this place as a result of having sons growing more distant...but, today, I realized my husband is going to continue on a path of emotional destruction in our 40 yr marriage...and I need help to get away...being constantly told that I could be more involved with my grown sons if just wanting to has been a mainstay in our life....my life was always about my family....but his has always been about working long hours even when our children were toddlers...now to humiliate me by comparing me with a DIL's mother...to suggest that she is more involved because she desires it more than I do has been what finally makes me ask this question here....as a woman who took care of her family becoming unable to work 10 yrs ago due to a painful hip and leg..I get very little money...have never had control of finances....the verbal abuse is bad...and I believe my husband has a mental deficit of some kind getting worse....

How do you at 57 get help to be independent? I am fearful of his lack of verbal control and lack of empathy that has only gotten worse as my condition has....he laughs at my suggestions to get help for himself...and has stolen money from me to put in 401k acct with only his name...telling me that I am the beneficiary...company will give me no info at all....why should I trust someone who talks to me this way....

I have nothing and cannot even rent an apt as I would need an income 3 times the rent....I have found evidence of him creating a dating site acct. But swears he did not....I would be too embarrassed to even tell this to my sons...he is from a family who has had numerous crime charges...it seems like the resistentece at authority or rules to live by is challenging for him....almost a compulsion to go against the tide...

I want to get away.....just had ankle surg and cannot do any activity for at least 3 to 4 weeks....

What resources do women like me have...he refuses to leave the house or help me to leave...he is only here because he does not want to give me anything outside of this house....

I called the spousal abuse hotline last year..but they were no help...it is mental...emotional and financial....what can I do?

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daisyinga

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I don't know how you get help for this situation.

I think I would try the spousal abuse hotline again and see if I got a different counselor who could give some advice.

I think if I could get together enough money I would also consult an attorney to see what my legal options migt be. I had a friend who was having difficulties with her husband. She privately consulted an attorney, even though at that time she didn't want a divorce, and he gave her some great advice.

I hope you can get the help you need.

    Bookmark   December 8, 2013 at 11:39PM
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Sketcher25

Thanks daisy...for the reply....of all people to respond..it would be someone with a sn of Daisy....before my sister passed away...we talked about what signs I would have that she was there...and she told me to when I saw Daisies...her fav flower...

I had to smile at your name just now....

I have thought a lot recently about my situation.....posting here must be cathartic....

My husband has changed a lot......maybe too much for it to be normal...healthwise...I cannot help but wonder if there is something chemically imbalanced at this point....

There is no phys. abuse....but his personality makes me feel emotionally abused...certainly he thinks he is making good financial decisions...I am fearful if he does not come to terms with my concerns...he could lose everything....

I am convinced as well, that a urologist is giving him wrong doses of testosterone treatment...maybe not enough...or too much...something is not right and I need to find out....

My situation of feeling overwhelmed by this issue is not getting any better...maybe it will take a wake up call for him to understand he needs to either get more opinions of the treatment or stop them altogether....I realized when this began...and is consistent with those treatments beginning....the dr told him it would help his overall feeling of wellbeing....what a joke

Thanks again for responding....my post is a difficult one to read and know how to respond to it....so much desperation in it...but I remember what the good witch in the wizard of oz told dorothy..."you had the power to go home the whole time"

    Bookmark   December 10, 2013 at 3:18PM
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LuAnn_in_PA

What does spousal abuse have to do with parenting?

There IS a marriage forum...

    Bookmark   December 12, 2013 at 5:22PM
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emma

The judge is probably the only one who can give you what you need. See a lawyer.

    Bookmark   December 12, 2013 at 9:03PM
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daisyinga

I hope you find something that works for you, Sketcher25. So sorry you're going through this.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2013 at 10:36PM
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colorcrazy

Sketcher25, you can inform your husband's doctor of the changes in his personality. Ask the doctor to keep it confidential. The doctor will not share your husband's medical situation with you, but if s/he is good, will find a way to get your husband in for a check-up.
While you are laid up, you can call various offices or look on the web. Sometimes a county or city office can provide services to women who are fleeing domestic abuse. You can also start applying for jobs. By the time you get an interview, you will be walking again.
Don't be afraid to tell your sons what is going on. They may have distanced themselves because of your husband.
Best wishes.

    Bookmark   January 1, 2014 at 5:56PM
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