Single & Childless

Carrie BDecember 19, 2003

I'm 38, dating, and would very much like to find someone to create a family with. I'm getting older, faster all the time, it seems, and I won't have a child on my own, though I would consider adoption (with a partner) if the giving birth option won't work out by then.

Do any of you have stories about finding "love in the nick of time?" I want to hear some happy tales.

Thanks, CarrieB

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Carrie B

Bring down from forum top.

    Bookmark   December 23, 2003 at 2:14PM
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blackcat333

Hang in there, and keep looking, Carrie. Sometimes true love comes when you least expect it. I didn't get married til 30, and was not even thinking of a relationship when we met. Also, I have quite a few friends just having babies in their mid to late 30's.

    Bookmark   December 29, 2003 at 4:11PM
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lauriewood

I am only telling you this because when I am down it reminds me of how rapidly life can change. My best friend, I'll call her "Ruby", was 39, dating a string of men who were nice enough, but never really made her feel anything important. She had a fling with her assistant, who was 29, and she ended up being pregnant. She lost the baby (no one knew), but it gave their relationship a sense of relevance and brought them together. They married the next year, and now are the parents of a beautiful 10 month-old baby boy. I knew them both for years and never, ever would place them together, but it works - wonderfully. I think she had given up and was happily living a perpetually single, childless life, and now I cannot imagine her without her baby. Sometimes life moves so slowly it seems every day is the same, but on the same token, when things change, it is a whirlwind and it takes your breath away.
You just never know when it will happen.

    Bookmark   January 2, 2004 at 9:31PM
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sheilajoyce_gw

I think we have the greatest successes meeting someone wonderful and interested occur when we are not looking for anyone but just out and enjoying life. We are relaxed, nice, fun to be with and anxious about notheing. And CLICK!--it happens.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2004 at 10:10PM
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txplanter

Here is a happy story for you. My friend was in a horrible relationship, since I lived next door I heard everything, unfortunately. They had been together for years and she finally decided to leave him at 38 years old. She is the type of person that just yells mother, you know. About two weeks or so after the break- up, she went on vacation alone. She met a guy that was PERFECT!! They had so much in common and he is just great, everything that she had needed and wanted for so long. And he lived only a couple of hours away. They were married quickly and now, at 39 they have a baby and are going to try for another soon.
My grandmother's advice always rang true: Never look for it because it will just fall in your lap when you are least expecting it.

    Bookmark   January 6, 2004 at 2:20PM
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browntoestoo

No offense to the previous poster but, I think the expression "don't go looking and it will happen" is a crock! You can't sit at home alone and hope you will meet the man of your dreams. You need to put yourself in situations where you can meet men with common interests and values who are also looking for love.

Appearances count. If you are carrying around 30 extra pounds, lose a few. Join a gym or karate studio, lots of men there.

My husband thinks the best place to meet men is where the men are: the golf course! Take some lessons and join a golf league.

You have to make yourself seen and available. If you are enjoying life it shows and people will be attracted to you. In my younger, wilder days I used to go out dancing with girlfriends to clubs around San Francisco. One of the girls I went with always had a big smile and would be moving and grooving to the music while we sat and listened to music. She was contagious and was always the first one to be asked to hit the dance floor. I don't recommend nightclubs as a place to find true love! But you get the idea.

More and more people seem to be finding love online, too. I have no experience but some people really end up happy! Just be careful. At least you know whoever you meet is looking, too.

    Bookmark   January 21, 2004 at 10:07PM
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gardengardengardenga

I have four children the later 2 were born when I was 39 and my other son was born when I was 43, and hopefully that will do me although my husband grandmother gave birth to a son when she was 50 and did fine...Also, I had my children naturally and with a midwife in the hospital. I would have had them at home but my DH said "no". All went very well for me. I met my husband when I was 37 years old...prior to that I had given up on men and having children again until I met my DH.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2004 at 12:03AM
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trekaren

I'm glad you went to a hospital for your birth. Midwives are great as are doulas. But please go to a hospital. My husband's cousin decided to have theirs with a MW at home last summer. The pregnancy was as routine as could be - healthy baby, etc. Then he was born with the cord wrapped around his neck, and the MW could not save him. There was no oxygen or equipment or anything handy. And he died as a result. She could have still done a MW birth but just do it in a hospital. Many hospitals support that now as an option.

    Bookmark   January 22, 2004 at 8:47AM
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Carrie B

Thanks everyone! Keep your stories coming.

I am hopeful (butterflies, fear, excitement) about a man I've been dating. I did end up going the Internet dating route, and met quite a few nice men since I signed up this past summer. I recently took my dating profile down, and... well... hopefully, the Internet will have yielded the hoped-for results.

    Bookmark   January 23, 2004 at 3:56PM
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janetwilson

I always suggest getting involved in a singles group at your local church. You're more likely to meet quality, family oriented individuals in church than in a nightclub or bar.

    Bookmark   February 4, 2004 at 1:36PM
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Carrie B

Yes, I suppose that could work for Christian people who believe in God.

    Bookmark   February 4, 2004 at 10:26PM
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phyllis_philodendron

I do agree to some extent with the "don't go looking" aspect. Not meaning, sit and home and do nothing - but go about your daily life without the daily expectation "will I meet someone today?" and you never know. They also tend to the same thing about getting pregnant. :P

    Bookmark   November 8, 2004 at 9:10PM
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Dancey

My dd is almost 38 and has only been married a few years. They have one little girl and they plan to have at least one more child. So don't give up! I was afraid my dd would never find the right man for her. She met her dh at a church singles party and they clicked right off.

Dancey

    Bookmark   November 15, 2004 at 6:31PM
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wkendwarrior

Not sure if you're still checking this thread, but I met my DH at match.com - we've been happily married since 2001 and have a 9mo boy who is the star in our night sky.

good luck!

    Bookmark   November 18, 2004 at 1:41PM
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Carrie B

Thanks everyone!

I did end up meeting a fine fellow Online. We've been dating for over a year now, and have been "serious" for about 10 months. Today is his birthday and I've got a nice dinner planned (I really cook only a half a dozen times a year, so this is a special occasion!)

I am hopeful and happy. The relationship is a good one. I'm 39, and still very much want a child...so, wish me luck!

    Bookmark   November 23, 2004 at 1:59PM
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joulesR4me

Had a little free time at work (you know, day before a holiday issue) and have been looking at a few forums that I usually don't ...

I was happily surprised to find this post was at the top. I too am nearing the end of my traditional age for child-bearing and am single. However, I never even entertained the idea of having a child until about a year ago. Through a strange event I got together with a young acquaintenance. I knew him for a couple years and always wanted to find him a nice, young girl. Humpf. Ended up wanting to keep him for my own. So anyway, over the year he has introduced me to so many new possibilities... Our relationship is not perfect, but it is working. And I now finally hope for a family of my own. It might be too late to be a *natural* mother, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for both a evolving relationship and children!!!
So, good luck with your guy and your dreams. It's entirely possible you'll get both.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2004 at 12:30PM
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goodtastenomoney

Carrie- I got married at 40 last Dec and have a 11 day old- hang in there- I never thought it would happen to me either.

    Bookmark   November 29, 2004 at 9:04PM
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newjerseybt

Here is what happens when you don't meet the right person and you are 50...absolutely nothing....life goes on. This is my own personal experience.

I only mentioned this because life sometimes deals you a bad hand. I am very glad to hear Carrie may have found someone.

Some people get very depressed and others get over it. My sister had it both ways and loves being single. She is almost 50, no kids, no crisis. A personal crisis is created when you measure yourself against what you THINK is societies norm.

Well I have found that similar groups of people in society find one another. About 90% of my friends and neighbors that I associate with are single, childless and are about 50. They never found the right person. Some of them had their moments of depression but got through it. Another "for instance" is that they are all non-smokers. Obviously that was no accident but you get my point.

If you dwell on a bad situation, it can eat you alive. When you find a relationship that you thought would work out but ends up blowing up on you...the operative word to meditate
on is: "NEXT"!

    Bookmark   December 11, 2004 at 8:43PM
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