Grandparent favorite - one more for kimB

Adrienne_11December 14, 2001

Hi KimB

just wanted to make one more point, but thought that you may not check the other thread...

you mentioned that the gifts are just an EXAMPLE of the favoritism seen, well, here's one that we put up with:

my dh has 3 sisters. 2 are 10 years older, so the younger of those 2 was "the baby" for 10 years. she is THE favorite. then came my dh, then another daughter. so....

on the main wall in their living room, is a giant (bigger than 10x14) almost life size black and white of the FAV at about 20yrs. then, there are 3-4 8x10's (maybe 10x14) of HER daughter, then 3-4 of the first 2 granddaughters and ONE meddly frame of ALL three other children and NONE of our son! now, there is one double frame of our ds with a similar photo of my dh as a baby - but we framed it and gave it to them and it's in another room (one no one uses).

my dh got soooo mad for the longest time -first when HER dd was born (one year earlier than our ds) and then when ds came along, and BLATANTLY pointed it out to them. they did change things a little, and became more aware of our feelings, but that wall in their living room will never change.

sad isn't it?


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Adrienne - well I don't have that situation with my mom, but with my dad I do. I have given him nice pictures of my son, yet all that were displayed were of his wife's grandson. Well, I told dad that there was no point in giving him one if he wasn't goint to display it (after he asked and asked where his picture was).

Gee - I wonder if I'll get bashed on this one also. Seems like no matter how I stress that it isn't a money thing on the other thread - I keep getting bashed. And IMHO, it would hurt anyone's feelings if they felt like their child wasn't shown as much love as the other children in the family.

Adrienne - I guess we're in the same boat and just have to get over it and go on, huh? LOL!

Thanks for the post!

Kim B.

    Bookmark   December 14, 2001 at 3:21PM
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Do you realize how unreasonable your post may seem? Your MIL has the pictures in the size that she has them because that's what was given to her! Some years my grandparents got bigger pictures of me and other years, smaller, it just depended on the size of package my parents bought.

My MIL has to actually count to make sure she has the same number of pictures on her walls and sitting around the house so SIL doesn't put up a b*tch. Is that fair to her? Some people get pictures taken more often and sometimes she just has a few more poses of one grandchild than the others (especially if one is a few years older than another). They recently got pictures of her step son's two kids and had to dig out pictures of this SIL's kids to hang on the fridge with them! Why? Can't she display the new pictures without someone whining? It's not right.

In most cases there is not favortism, people just make it up on their own. I dont care if my Mom has pictures out of my brother and not of me! I dont' care if she buys him more things than me~she has and I never worried a second about it. I know my parents love me. MIL gets upset because she's alwys hearing that so and so is your favorite. Well, not all kids are the same. You may be closer to one emotionally because the others stay away. One may have a hobby in common with you that keeps you bonded. Maybe another lives closer than the others and stops by to help more often. It doesn't mean you are loved more. Don't you love your kids differntly but still love them very much? Don't you have relatives and friends that you just happen to get along with better but it doesn't mean you don't care about the others?

Jealousy is such a horrible thing and so many people feed off it. Just be happy and love your parents and don't look for this petty stuff to cause problems. Some day they won't be here.


    Bookmark   December 14, 2001 at 3:51PM
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Kim I am so sorry if you felt that you were bashed. I sure didn't think it was the money. I guess I should have worded my post better. :( Anyways.. it is very hurtful when you feel that your child isn't as loved. My grandmother showed favoritism for me over my brother and it hurt him a lot. He doens't go around her much anymore. When she kept me all night she took me everywhere (the movies, out to eat, shopping) and when he wanted to stay so he could have fun she made some popcorn and they watched a movie on T.V. (she didn't have vcr back then) She would always do special things for me and not for him. It's very sad now when I think back to how he must have felt :(.

Your post about Christmas didn't seem to be too bad but that is because everyone that responded probably don't know what else has happened to make you feel this way over this issue. (small issue of the Big problem so to speak.) Anyways.. good luck!!!!

    Bookmark   December 14, 2001 at 3:58PM
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