What am I doing wrong
I would like to put in my story if I can. I have 4 kids to a man who treated me like a servant, he abused me, but he didn't do that to our kids so I thought he was better then my father was. I tried to be the best mother I could, while there father did nothing, but try to be their buddies, so I was the only real parent to them. After 23 years I left, after making the decision not to kill myself or him, I was that depressed by then. My oldest has not spoken to me since then, as he was always daddies boy, & when they were young I encouraged that, I wanted all my kids to have a good relationship with their father even though he never returned the favour for me. I was the one who cooked, cleaned, fixed up there cuts, made sure they could read & write, & tried to teach them how to look after them selves. I found a man now, who I never thought I could find & for the last 11 years I have been happy for the first time in my life. Now my adult kids think they should come first in my life, they all have lives & families of they own. I have since been through cancer & now I'm getting my knees replaced, so I have found that I just want peace in my life now. The problem seems that I can't communicate with the other three kids, without doing something to upset them even when I try not to. If I try to advice them, I'm interfering, if I don't say much, I don't care about them, if I try to let them know I understand them by telling them a time I went through the same thing, then I'm being self centred, so no matter what I say or do I am doing the wrong thing, they don't seem to understand me because they haven't gone through what I have & that is because I tried my hardest to make sure they didn't. My oldest daughter even told me I was not a good grandparent, because I wasn't very motherly but, when I told one of them why she wasn't allowed to move my things around in my lounge, my daughter got upset. I now have all my kids upset with me for one thing or another & if the things they were upset with me for, they had have done to me, then there wouldn't be anyone upset. My youngest daughter has been angry at me because I said I was selfish for having her to someone else. She has since married her boy friend but made sure we couldn't come & even said because her father wouldn't come if I was there, then she would rather not have any one there, yet she expected us to send a card & call when she gave me the impression she didn't want anything. She didn't send me a card when I went into hospital for my knee opp, but wants every one else to consider her feeling. They want me to be there depressed mummy who devoted her whole life to them because I didn't have any one else to give my love to. Well I'm not depressed now & I don't want to be, so how can I get them to see that.
My grandmother once told my mother that kids make your arms ache when they are young but they make your heart ache when they have grown.
Can any one help me work out what an I doing wrong.