Should I end a Friendship?

bingmomDecember 28, 2011

Hi. I am new to this site but I have a question tonight that I'm hoping you all can help me with.

I have a friend that I have been close to for about 3 years. We work together in our school's PTA and so a lot of our friendship has been built around that. Our kids are about the same age and she wants them to play together all the time. The problem is that her children are very rude.

For example, a few months ago I was at her house with one of my daughters who is two years older than her daughter. They were downstairs playing house when my DD came running in saying that the little girl had slapped her. My DD arm was red and it was obvious she was telling the truth. I asked what was going on and the my DD said the little girl was the "Mom" and that she needed to spank my DD for being naughty. She had hit my daughter on the arm with a spatula and then kept spanking her. My friend put her DD in time out but then went on and on about how embarrassed she was. I thought kids will be kids, lets say we're sorry and move on. But that wasn't the end. The next day she called and said my daughter was lying and called our other PTA friends and told them all about her version of the story. Why she did that I have no idea.

Then we had a bunch of my kids friends over to make cookies last week. I invited my friend and her kids. The only boys there were hers and her son was very rude to me and all the other children there. He was irritated that the girls were playing games because he wanted to watch a movie. He has an attitude that he is too cool for anyone else and we need to accommodate him and his desires at all times. He is quick to make fun of others and his mother laughs and even starts making fun of other adults and children with him.

I know she gossips about me and others but at the same time I know she cares about me and I do care about her as well. She is really my only friend, which at 35 is kind of pathetic, but she's the only person I can call and talk to or go get lunch with. I would be so lonely without her but I don't know how to deal with the differences in our children. Her son had my daughter in tears and said to her,"Everyone thinks your a freak. If you want to runaway I'll pack your bags." He's 12 and she's 10. That devastated her as she has a crush on him and well, it would be hurtful no matter what.

Also I'm afraid to do anything. If you've seen "The Help" and know who Hilly is you know my friend. I will be the PTA president next year and without her support I'm honestly scared to do it.

How do I handle this situation? Any advice would be so welcome!

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"She is really my only friend...."

"I will be the PTA president next year...."

Don't get how those two can possibly go together. Is this going to be comfortable place for you or were you nominated because nobody else wants to do it?

I would have a hard time maintaining a "friendship" with the person you described. And I certainly would not tolerate rudeness from anyone's kids toward myself or my kids in my own home. Notwithstanding the caring, I think I'm reading about a bit of a backbone problem.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2011 at 1:36PM
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Not only is the rudeness a problem, I'm looking past that. Where did this little girl learn that it's okay for a mom to hit their child? Think about that long and hard. Letting your children play at this house means you're letting them hang out with a mom who thinks it's OKAY to punish children by hitting them. What if your child does something she doesn't like while in their home? Seriously--you're putting them at a very serious risk.

At that age, my daughter, knew that mommies loved and protected their children, NEVER hit them. Do you truly want your daughter hanging out in a household where it's okay for a mommy to hit a daughter?

You have to make your own decision--but I personally never put my daughter in a situation where she could see or possibly be subject to abuse. I don't condone physcial abuse, and wouldn't let her think I did in any way. Part of what we teach our children comes through our words--most of it comes through our actions and example. It we act as if we don't mind physical abuse, they learn it's okay, even if we don't commit it upon them ourselves.

I, too, don't see how someone who has only one friend could possibly have been selected to be PTA president. And you had other families over to make cookies. Maybe you need to look around--there are plenty of people you associate with who would be better friends for you and your children.

When our children are too young to make their own decisions, it's up to us to provide them with the best environment possible. Sometimes that means making tough choices, sometimes personal sacrifices, but they're young for such a short time--it's a small price to pay for giving them the best life foundation possible.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2011 at 3:34PM
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You really don't want to put your children in a position where they are not safe, do you ?

Ask them if they like playing with her children and see what they say.

You could try finding other friends.

There are nutty people around, and they have nutty children, walk away from those people, it always ends in heartache if you decide include them as your friends.

    Bookmark   December 28, 2011 at 9:04PM
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"I know she gossips about me and others but at the same time I know she cares about me and I do care about her as well."

Someone is acting odd but it isn't you.

True friends don't gossip about you behind your back. I would not tell her anything you wouldn't tell your enemy.

I'd try to maintain the peace, see her less often and get your daughter into extracurricular activities where she will make new friends who don't need to 'spank' her with a spatula.

    Bookmark   January 3, 2012 at 12:10PM
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