Good books to help me discipline my 4 yr old?

cheeritNovember 10, 2003

My oldest son will be 4 in March. Does anyone know of any great books about discipline at this age? We just moved here 5 months ago and all my new friends have kids his age or younger so they don't really have the life experience that I am looking for. (Where I used to live I had lots of friends with older kids but now I am at a loss.) Basically, he talks back alot and just doesn't listen. He is always saying "No!". I feel like we are fighting all the time (and I feel like I am screaming all of the time). I am a sahm so I really need to get it together. Aurgh! I feel like a terrible parent right now!

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I have recommended this book before but it is THE best:
How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen so Your Kids Will Talk. Every parent should read this one. I have read others that I liked too, but can't remember the titles.

    Bookmark   November 11, 2003 at 1:59AM
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I've also heard good things about that book.

My DD would go thru phases, such as the talking back phase you mention. Usually she would pick it up from TV or from hearing it at preschool. What I would do was focus only on the most major offense, in this case talking back.

I didn't stress over other minor offenses during that time. I gave her three warnings, and at number three would put the favorite toy of the day in time out up in the top of the closet.

I would reiterate that "The toy is in timeout because you said XYZ, and I told you we don't talk like that." Usually a few minutes of crying ensues, but it is shortlived. She was old enough to KNOW. She got it.

When a "phase" of behavior set in, I usually had to do the above twice, and then she would move past it.

The key was consistency, and focus - focus only on that one behavior, and you can usually get them to move on from the behavior.

Good luck! I know how it is to not have close neighbors or friends with kids the age of mine. I only this year had a family with kids move in, and it is so refreshing! In the meantime, the folks here have a lot of good advice. And I concur about the book mentioned above.

    Bookmark   November 11, 2003 at 8:11AM
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I teach 3 and 4 year olds and highly recommend "Parenting with Love and Logic" by Jim Faye. I use it in my classroom with great success, and I've talked with many parents who use it at home and love it. This book is available at most bookstores, but I've provided a link below so you can get an idea what it's about:

Here is a link that might be useful: Love and Logic

    Bookmark   November 21, 2003 at 1:48AM
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"1-2-3 Magic" comes highly recommended by numerous people I know.

Here is a link that might be useful: 1-2-3 Magic

    Bookmark   November 22, 2003 at 6:49PM
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This is not what you asked....but please realize that it's OK for kids that age to scream and throw a fit when you tell them no. Just don't give in. The anger is part of the learning process.....and over time as they leard they can't have everything they want, NOW, it will dininish.
They don't call them "The Fearsome Fours" for nothing....worse than the terrible twos!
Linda C

    Bookmark   November 23, 2003 at 11:01PM
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Linda is absolutely correct. Age 3-1/2 to 4-1/2 is a difficult stage. I think of this age as a "sophisticated two." I thought my daughter was having some horrible psychotic breakdown every single day for 6 months! Then I learned that it is a normal stage and they are very frustrated about what they want, what they can communicate and what they get fulfilled. Nothing made my daughter happy, ever! She walked out of her room every morning and flung herself to the floor and screamed. EVERY MORNING! I learned to step over her in the hallway and just ignore it as much as possible. When she would come to me on a cold December morning wearing shorts for preschool, I would tell her to go out on the porch and see if she would be comfortable--barefoot, of course. She would scamper back in and choose something warm. But it gave her a sense of control, never mind that I manipulated her choices.

Then one day she stopped screaming every morning. Whew! It passes, really.

    Bookmark   November 24, 2003 at 1:42AM
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I don't know if I am excited or upset about this! I thought all I had to suffer through were the terrible twos!! At least I feel a little better that there will be an end! Thanks for all of the book recommendations. It will be great hospital reading. My dr said they keep c-sections for FOUR days here! I only stayed for barely two at my last hospital and was fine then. So, I plan on reading, resting, and relaxing while my family deals with my crazy four year old AND my terrible two year old! I have never so looked forward to major surgery before!


    Bookmark   November 24, 2003 at 2:01PM
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cheerit-OT, but your post was funny to me! My last two babies were C-sections. How civilized and wonderful those days were! I had incredibly easy recoveries from them, but most of all, I enjoyed my days in the hospital. I looked forward to the "days off" from the other children at home, with poor DH, and got to read a few books! Enjoy the days...and talk to someone at your local salon and arrange to have someone come in and give you a pedicure!

    Bookmark   December 1, 2003 at 9:00AM
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Remember "Doogie Houser, MD"? There was an episode with a new mom who feigned illness so that she could extend her stay at the hospital. Her husband and whiny children came to see her and when the child asked who would cook Thanksgiving dinner she replied, "Your father's mother can do it, she knows how to do everything." Doogie caught her doing her toe nails while rocking out with her headset on! I understood all too well!


    Bookmark   December 3, 2003 at 2:02PM
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This isn't a book but a website that I think is good. It is

    Bookmark   December 26, 2003 at 1:57AM
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