child wont let anything go out of the house

mirrenNovember 21, 2005

My sister's ten year old son has a real problem with new things coming into the house. When the swingset was old and not used anymore she tore it down and put it out for the garbage. Her son was really upset. She had to let him keep one of the swings. She replaced the carpet with hardwood and that didnt seem to bother him. Now she has replaced her sofa and loveseat with a new one. He is really, really upset. He has cried and sobbed and asked here not to make any more big decisions without talking to him. Her new sofa and loveseat arrived today and he says he will not sit on it. The old set is so ratty it needs to go in the garbage but she feels so guilty she is planning to keep it down in the rec room (where there is not the room). She mentioned buying new sheets for his bed and he said he will not sleep on them. She and her 13 year old daughter decluttered seven garbage bags of old toys while he was not home. I couldnt tell anything was gone but when he came home he noticed and threw a fit. This is a child who has two parents in the home, has lived in the same house since he was born, has an older sister, plays sports and does well in school. In general he is an all round great kid and is loved by family and friends. So why is this happening. Do you think it is a stage he is going through.

Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I've heard of Autistic children acting in this manner, but your nephew does not sound Autistic as he has no other symptoms (does well in school etc.). Maybe OCD? Does he have trouble throwing away trash (papers, etc.) because that can be a real sign of OCD. Has he ever expressed WHY this bothers him so much? Assuming this is not a real pyschological problem, I would not feed into it by saving swings and agreeing to keep the old couch in the rec room. The fact that he has cried and sobbed and asked to be involved in big decisions says to me that there are some control issues, not sure why he is picking furniture and things coming into the house. Maybe talking to his peditrician or getting a counseling session could help. I would be worried if this was my child and look into it further.

    Bookmark   November 22, 2005 at 12:40PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

Autism....or more likely it's milder cousin, Auspergers syndrome. He needs to be seen by a pediatric psycologist....he needs help.
Linda C

    Bookmark   November 22, 2005 at 12:53PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

My kids would freak out if I got rid of 7 bags of their stuff, no matter how old, while they were not in the house. I would freak out if someone got rid of 7 bags of my stuff while I was not at home. Ditto if someone kept changing things I was used to. My kids were happy to get new furniture finally because it meant they could stop going with me to furniture stores! LOL But we had 30 mins of tears over cutting down the tree in the front yard, the tree that served no purpose for shade or play.

How does he do with other changes in routine? Vacations? Household visitors?

    Bookmark   November 22, 2005 at 4:17PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

He does fine with other changes. He has friends over for sleepovers. He goes to sleepovers at other homes. He loves company coming over and visiting at other homes. He plays hockey and travels with the team and stays at different motels with no problem. They have rented a travel trailer in a campground for the past seven years or so for one week for vacation. My sister won a tent at a fund raiser a few weeks ago. He thought that was great but was concerned that they would still go to the trailer. BTW the owner of the trailer traded theirs in so last year they had a new one. No problems there. I am wondering if this is a ten year old stage he is going through. He is really an outgoing child. Last Sunday he was on a float for his school in the Christmas parade. He, on his own, led the group in songs and cheers while on the float during the parade. His teachers love him.

    Bookmark   November 22, 2005 at 5:11PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I have an autistic grand child.....and a brother who likely has Auspergers....
There is a difference between normal kids wanting their things to always be the same and throwing a fit because some things are different.
Some parents have to modify new clothes to look just like the old....changing buttons and doesn't dare change her hair one gets older.....and when someone dies, there is a real crisis.
Only mom knows if this is way out of the norm, or just an insecure kid thing.
Does he also have an IQ that's outta sight?
Linda C

    Bookmark   November 22, 2005 at 5:12PM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I have to chime in here. My mother is a hoarder, a variant of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. If someone throws something out, old magazines, empty containers, old clothes, she will go and retrieve the items. Now that she lives alone, the house is even worse. Heaped and piled with crap. She won't let anything go yet says she will go through things one of these days. (oh yeah, that'll happen) All of it represents some kind of security for her and losing any of it creates enormous anxiety.

I agree that this child needs an evalution. Something is amiss. He is obviously suffering.

Here is a link that might be useful: OCD-Hoarding

    Bookmark   November 23, 2005 at 2:04AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

I am also thinking he doesn't sound autistic as those symptoms of discomfort would be reaching into other realms of his life. Even for kids who are on the milder end of the spectrum, the "mild" problems are still here, there, and everywhere. However, it does sound like there is an larger-than-normal amount of anxiety. Worth a mention to the pediatrician. However,
tread lightly with sis about it unless she brings it up. These can be very sensitive matters, depending on the wording and the relationship between you and your sister.

    Bookmark   November 23, 2005 at 11:07AM
Thank you for reporting this comment. Undo

My mother, to anyone who hasn't seen her house, seems chatty, intelligent, helpful, and just plain fine! This doesn't effect her life outside her home with other people or her work when she held a job (her car is, though, an extension of the house).

    Bookmark   November 23, 2005 at 11:35AM
Sign Up to comment
More Discussions
estrangement from adult children
There seems to be a very common thread with all these...
New cervical cancer vaccine - You & Your Daughter
My 16 yr old daughter & I are in the process of...
College Tuition Demand Upheld in Court
Surprised I hadn't seen anyone post about this yet,...
A harness for a child that old ?
Looking for a safety harness to keep an escapist toddler...
To parents of other heavy gamers...
Please do not attempt to moderate or restrict your...
People viewed this after searching for:
© 2015 Houzz Inc. Houzz® The new way to design your home™